Online Reporter
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
I am a 25-year-old man with a degree and I am gainfully employed.
When I was just three years old, my mother left my father for another man and never returned. On my mother’s side of the family, only my grandmother used to visit me.
Fortunately, God blessed me with a stepmother who is so wonderful very few people in our community ever knew she was not my biological mother.
Recently, out of the blue, my biological mother has started trying to become a part of my life.
However, I have no interest in getting to know her. She abandoned me when I needed her most.
I do not mean to be rude, but that is simply how I feel, especially considering that she is only reaching out now because the man she left with has thrown her out and she is desperate.
My parents have stated that they will not interfere with my decision. What should I do?
Response
Hello writer and thank you for reaching out.
Every parent has a duty to be in their child’s life, and your mother failed to fulfil that obligation. I deeply appreciate your stepmother and your Gogo, who were there for you when it mattered.
Despite your completely valid anger, I still believe you cannot ignore your biological mother forever.
I urge you to seek professional counselling to help you process the burning questions and resentment you have towards her.
You can take this step whenever you feel ready, as the healing process cannot be rushed overnight.
Your stepmother has proven to be a truly worthy parent — continue to love and respect her.
Pray for the spirit of forgiveness and inner peace, and I wish you all the best.
***************
Auntie is up to no good
Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. Thank you very much for your column in The Sunday Mail.
I am a 33-year-old married woman with two children. My husband and I are both gainfully employed.
My mother-in-law resides at the family’s rural homestead, but she was recently booked by her doctor for a medical procedure that needed to be done in the city.
I took a month off work so that I could personally assist her, even bathing her when she could not do it herself.
Throughout this time, we received daily visits from family, friends and her fellow church members, which I did not mind at all.
I also accompanied her to her post-procedure medical review. However, last week, one of her daughters (tete) came to complain, accusing me of mistreating her mother.
This came as a complete shock, especially when my husband bought me a watch to thank me for being such a good caregiver to my mother-in-law.
Furthermore, before my mother-in-law returned home, she personally called my biological mother to thank her for raising such a good daughter.
Amai, I do not know what tete’s motives are, but my husband wants to get to the bottom of this issue. Please advise.
Response
I am doing very well and thank you for asking. Reading your letter made me quite sad.
Despite what your sister-in-law thinks, let me thank you for being there for your mother-in-law. The fact that she personally called your mother to thank her should put your mind at ease.
The effort you put into making sure she was comfortable was clearly evident and your husband even gifted you a watch as a token of appreciation for your hard work.
Where was this sister-in-law when you were helping her mother? Please do not lose sleep over this.
I agree that you should hold a meeting and iron this out in the presence of Amai and tete. Continue your good work and keep being a blessing to the family.
***************
I am attracted
to my secretary
Thank you very much for your Sunday Mail column; I follow it religiously. I am a married man with two children.
I am not going to talk about my family but rather focus on the temptation I am facing at work.
My secretary is a married woman, and I am attracted to her. She is beautiful, very smart and has two kids.
My wife is gainfully employed, but she is not great at dressing well. She is not a natural cook, so I rarely eat the food she prepares for my lunchbox.
Instead, I end up sharing with my secretary the food she brings to work.
My wife does not like to spend money on anything, even when she has it, and she wears very cheap perfumes from street vendors, which really puts me off. I do not know what to do.
Response
Hello and thank you for supporting this platform. By saying little, you have said a lot. If you despise so much about your own wife, then, as her better half, what are you doing to help her improve?
Singing praises about someone else’s partner will not resolve anything.
Do not give in to lust; if you make one wrong move, you will negatively impact the lives of many people, children included.
As far as you are concerned, your wife needs a makeover, and you are the right person to sponsor it. You desperately need to consult a relationship coach and go for couples’ therapy to reignite the spark.
Please exercise self-control — you are playing with fire. Please let me know once you have redirected your focus and started counselling. I wish you all the best.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
