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Pastor says I should leave hubby
THANK you very much for your column, it’s so helpful. Mine is a very tricky problem and now I am very confused.
I go to a Pentecostal church, the other week when we were praying the pastor approached me and said the man I am married to is not supposed to have married me.
He raised his hand and prayed for me about this issue. I don’t know what to believe but I am very disturbed. I have been married to my husband for six years and we have been blessed with two kids.
We have a normal marriage relationship, of course, hapazoshaika tuma ups and downs but other than this we are happy and we work together. Mai Chisamba, should I tell my husband about this? Is the pastor telling the truth?
Takatochatawo mufunge saka aah ndaomerwa.
Response
Indeed yours is a very tricky problem. I understand your fears and confusion. Here is a whole pastor telling a congregant that you married a wrong man.
How does this work? We know as Christians that God hates divorce; this is according to the Holy Bible, so how does he undo this?
Pamichato the newlyweds and all the people gathered are told that what God has joined together let no man separate saka pastor ava vari kushoreiko?
A pastor trying to undo what God has put together, isn’t that the opposite of what is expected of him? With all due respect let me say the pastor is off track, be careful. I think you are being ill-advised.
Mukati ivo pastor havana chavachazoda kutaura newe, I just smell a rat. My advice is pray for your marriage sincerely, there is power in prayer. Once you put this in God’s hands then you tell your husband so that you pray together.
You should both be very civil about this issue. The other way round is when you go to church next time you and your husband confront the pastor and let him repeat what he said to you.
Ngavakuudzei mese nababa and he should come up with a solution. We are not allowed to judge other people so I will reserve my comment about what I think about the pastor.
People truly called of God’s will never cause discord between others. Last but not least continue to love and respect each other, marriage is a lifetime affair, remember “till death do us part”. I wish you all the best.
Was I wrong to
care for parents?
Mai Chisamba, thank you so much for this platform, we really enjoy it as a family.
I am the last born in a family of five and married to a great wife. We have two kids, a boy and a girl both in their teens.
My parents are old so ini nemudzimai decided to go and take them from home and gave them our guest wing kuti vagare vakasununguka. Kumusha nobody really took good care of them, although, we used to take turns to give them provisions. Pamusha pane vana vasisi from her previous marriage.
The problem now is my siblings have boycotted me, they say we should have had a family meeting before taking such a measure.
I have since apologised but they are saying take them back home first then we will begin from there.
I just can’t take them back; they are so happy kana zvekurwara rwara zvavaiita vari kumusha zvakapera vatove nekahupenyu katsva mufunge.
My eldest brother is so bitter, he even phoned my wife asking who she thought she was but my wife apologised and asked if it was ok for her to take them to his house akaramba. He says kumusha cannot be kumusha vabereki vachigara Harare. Please help, I am confused I don’t know what to do.
Ndakatadza here nhai? It’s not like musha wasara uri dongo, there are people there.
Response
Thank you for reading my column, I appreciate. From your letter I can tell that you are married to a great wife.
What you did is not wrong, although, your brother is right to say you should have sat down as a family and talked about this. It’s part of our culture kungosumana sumana kuitira mangwana.
Two wrongs will not make a right, I think your brother overreacted by phoning your wife and telling her off. I think that was extremely rude and uncalled for.
You are a wonderful couple, I see both of you have apologised.
That’s very noble of you.
Parents are precious gifts from God and it is in the family’s best interest to enjoy them while they are still alive. What your siblings are asking for is very far-fetched, kuvadzorera kumusha ivo vari kufara kuno kuvana vavo hazvichaita.
Talk this over and move on.
Why don’t you let your parents speak for themselves if they still can? Once in a while I suggest you take turns to take them home for a weekend or so modzoka navo kungoti vapote vachiona musha nezvinhu zvavo, it’s good for them.
If you can’t resolve this with your siblings you can rope in vana tete kana vana sekuru to help you out. I don’t understand why your family members are objecting to your staying with the parents.
What are their reasons? Asi tete vane mhuri iri kumusha ndivo vakukonzeresa here nekuti magrocery haachanyanyoendeswa kumusha?
The one reason that you did not inform them before you took the parents does not hold much water. Why are they so bitter, pane zvimwe here zvausina kundiudza?
After trying what I have said please let me know the result. In the meantime continue loving and doing the best for your parents. I wish you all the best.
Stressed by
disrespectful wife
Thank you for your column. Mai Chisamba, please help, I am talking about my wife but I have observed that many women of her age are just as disrespectful.
I think vakadzi vaingofanira kugara ku kitchen because they are easily carried away. I am 32, my wife is 29 and we have a three year-old son. We both work, zviri izvo zvinopa madzimai mawara. Mai Chisamba, my wife calls me Fanuel. Just last week I beat up my little boy because he was calling me by my first name kutevedzera mai vake.
Before we had a child I used to tell her that she could call me babamudiki but she just called me Fanuel. I don’t know what her excuse is, now ndava baba va Chipo but she continues calling me by my first name.
When it comes to buying zvinhu zvepamba hero dambudziko she does not consult me, anongotenga. Kuzvitemba here uku? She is really getting onto my nerves, anytime I can stop her from going to work wara ripere.
Please don’t get me wrong, all I want is to be respected as head of family. Should I talk to tete about this bad behaviour or what?
My friend is always addressed by his wife as Baba vaSimba even paphone chaipo. I hope my letter gets picked because it’s starting to affect our marriage.
Response
Thank you for reading my column, it’s unfortunate we don’t ask for your photos when you write in.
I could have loved to see you. Let’s go through your letter step by step. Why are you talking about women in general?
Direct your accusations to your wife. In my opinion your wife has done nothing to make you angry.
You go into a rage because your wife, the love of your life, your better half has called you Fanuel, aah tipe maserious.
I thought it was romantic to call each other by your first names, inga kana mukarwara muchakarokumbira chiremba ku hospital to write baba va Chipo on your card. It’s not disrespectful; take it from me I think she does this out of love.
You want to confine her to the kitchen because of this, oh God forbid!
Point of correction, I think the word wara is out of place here. Marriage is about communication, why don’t you tell your wife nicely what you want to be called. Hasha ita shoma, you beat up an innocent three-year-old child for calling you Fanuel – he is only a baby, you must be ashamed of yourself.
For your information that is against the law of the land, that’s child abuse. If you continue, your wife or neighbours should get you arrested. How many times are you going to beat him up because at his age he may not even understand why and he may keep calling you the same.
You would rather be called babamudiki, waaniko? Ko vana vemukoma vako vozoti chii? You are getting frustrated because there is no communication, I repeat sit down together and come up with a combined budget, it’s a necessity for a healthy marriage.
Instead, you should commend your wife for at least buying the things and bringing them to her marital home, kune mimwe misha zvinozopera ichingova hameno hameno.
Your wife is your better half; you can’t do anything to fix her without fixing yourself indirectly. It’s a blessing that you both work, zvinhu zvakaoma.
Shamwari hupenyu hunoda kubatsirana kana zvichibvira, I don’t think you need to involve vana tete at this juncture; you can sort this out amicably. Every marriage is unique, so don’t waste time comparing it with your friend’s.
Stop wasting your kissing time through unnecessary fights, life is very short; enjoy your marriage and each other. I wish you all the best Fanuel sorry baba va Chipo.
(Names have been changed to protect the identity of the family in question.)
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Tinaye Agere
Online Reporter