LONDON. —It started innocently enough — a sweet six-year-old girl changing into her pyjamas before bed.
What little Jane Epstein didn’t realise was that her curious 12-year-old brother was secretly watching her undress, following his first sexual health lesson at school.
But that horrifying night changed her life forever. James would go on to abuse his innocent little sister for six years.
Jane says: “My brother, who was supposed to protect me, broke my trust.
“I’d endure his intrusive touch again and again, powerless to say no to him and unable to tell anyone.
“My brother’s actions confused and clouded my understanding during my innocent childhood. I didn’t realise what transpired was a grave violation.”
It would be many years before Jane realised the sinister effect the sexual abuse had on her life. First she became a hypersexualised schoolgirl, then dropped out of college, worked as a stripper and dabbled with drugs.
She says: “I thought I could regain control that way. It was empowering but it was temporary.
“You can only use sex, drugs and men to numb the shame for so long.”
Recalling the abuse she experienced with her eldest brother James, Jane confessed that she found herself enjoying it.
“We never went past fondling, but he often masturbated with me in the room,” she said.
“My body was awakened to desires and sensations before its time.
“My body craved it, wanted it. It was real — a byproduct of sexual abuse.
“When I was 11, I intentionally went to my brother’s room to seduce him and wished for more.
“I tried to bargain the dread away. If only I hadn’t gone into his room.
“If only I had told on him after the first time he touched me. It was my fault. Fear and anxiety was followed by disgust. What was wrong with me?”
When her brother left home at 18 to go to college the abuse at home ended but the chilling experience left Jane confused.
She admits: “I was boy crazy and knew how to manipulate them to get what I wanted.
“My body desired sexual touch. Boundaries had been crossed in my home.
“There was a line, but I did not know where that line was.
“Desperate for validation and acceptance, I had spent copious amounts of energy hunting for approval. To escape, I turned to drugs like marijuana, cocaine, and mushrooms —anything to become someone different, a person everyone would love.
“When I stepped onto the stage as a stripper, I felt in control, and bold, confident, and motivated. I was in command of my life, and no one could stop me.”
When her brother was 21, during a visit to their family home in picturesque Wheat Ridge, in the shadow of the Colorado Rocky Mountains, he apologised to Jane, saying. “I’m sorry for what I did to you when you were younger.”
Jane replied: “It’s okay. I participated.”
She says now: “I put it in a box in my soul, sealing it up for good. It wasn’t like he hurt me.
“And I love my brother. He had apologised.”
When she was 21, Jane met Mark, a sales rep she went on to marry in 1996.
She quit stripping, went back to college and qualified as a court reporter.
Tragedy struck, however, when he died of oesophageal cancer in 2004.
After Mark died, Jane’s deep trauma resurfaced.Eventually she opened up to a marriage counsellor about the anger and depression she had felt for most of her adult life.
For years she had felt alone — she didn’t even know what sibling sexual abuse was.
Jane, now a 58-year-old mother of two sons, discovered she was a victim of the largest hidden sex crime.
A study last year, led by Peter Yates, of Glasgow Caledonian University, and Amy Adams, of Birmingham University, found that sibling sexual abuse (SSA) could affect as many as one in 14 children in the UK.
Children are more at risk of abuse from their own brother or sister than any other family member.
The world’s largest study, conducted over two years by Rape Crisis England and Wales, concluded in 2022 that up to five per cent of children in Britain have sexually abused a sibling.
Victims are usually younger than children abused by adults, typically from five to seven years old, and are abused for longer, on average for five years.
Jane added: “After Mark’s death, I should have spent more time grieving instead of meeting men just three months after he died.
“I shortened my skirts, wore sexy stockings, and seduced men. The wrong men.”
After a friend introduced them, she fell in love with Steve, an investment banker, and they wed in 2006. Her first son was born a year later with a second arriving 12 months later.
Later when a friend shared a story about finding evidence of her teenage son pleasuring himself, Jane laughed initially.
“Then it hit me,” she says. “There was a heaviness in my chest. I felt hollow.
“I had repressed so many memories it was hard to wrap my head around them. The funny story was less amusing now.
“I was horrified and full of shame.”
She recalled overhearing her parents discussing the same issue about her brother and her dad saying it was normal and natural.
Jane says: “That sent the message that what we were doing was okay. It was okay for a 12-year-old boy to be curious.
“It was okay for me to be fondled. It was normal.” — Sun Club.
