malvernmugadzikwa
Mudzimba
Dr Chisamba
I am a married woman aged 42 and I am a mother of three beautiful children — two boys and a girl. My spouse and I are both gainfully employed and our life is comfortable. We both come from a Christian background.
Of late, my husband has been talking in his sleep. Each time I asked him about it, he would say his late sekuru was visiting him in his dreams with very disturbing news. I persuaded him to share the news, but he would not.
Last week, he shouted “No sekuru!” in his sleep and I demanded to know what the dream was all about. I was shocked when he said his sekuru was telling him that I cheated on him and that all the kids are not biologically his. I froze after hearing such nonsense. I have been faithful to my husband all my life.
He insists we take the kids for DNA testing.
I have agreed, but on one condition — that we dissolve the marriage soon after the results come out. I know he is the father, but I can never trust a man who is swayed by dreams. Amai, please help me. The sad thing is he has been sharing this dream with his inner circle and this has stirred up a lot of drama.
Response
Dear writer, thank you very much for reaching out to me. It is very sad that a mere dream has brought all this mistrust in your marriage. This issue is controversial because some believe in dreams and others do not. The truth is many people cannot interpret them conclusively because it is not an exact science. I do not understand why your husband has been desperately sharing this dream. It is unfortunate you cannot stop people from talking about it.
Before you even go for DNA tests, please go for professional counselling. Someone has to steady the boat first. Your husband is ill-poised because of his beliefs. He may be told to do something harmful and drastic to the family or to someone in a dream.
It seems impulsive to base everything on a dream.
Either way, this matter needs to be dealt with definitively. Please, do not rush to pack your bags. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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Matchmaking gone wrong
I am a married woman, blessed with a set of twins. My better half is a good father and husband, but he is hot-tempered at times. We are both professionals and gainfully employed.
We started dating a long time ago. During that time, I introduced my friend to his friend and they fell for each other without us pushing them into a relationship.
We were happy for them as their love blossomed into marriage. They now have three kids, but they are always arguing and fighting verbally.
My friend tells me her husband is abusive. My husband has tried his best to help them, but to no avail. The reason I am very upset over this couple is that my friend blames me for ending up in such a marriage. She claims she is suffering because of me. Amai, is introducing a person to someone a crime?
Response
I will get straight to it. I do not want to judge her but it is not fair for anyone to blame other people for their misfortunes. She was not forced to marry this man. They dated and were both convinced they would want to spend their lives together.
I think you need to sit down with your friend, have a candid talk, and trace back your steps so that she sees that you did not push her into this. I cannot give her advice because she did not write to me.
Maybe, the best person to advise her is your husband because they confide in him. He can persuade them to consider professional counselling and then take it from there. I wish you all the best.
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My relatives hate my wife
I am a 27-year-old guy, who is married to a woman aged 25. We are blessed with a two-year-old baby. I am the last born in our family. Members of my family say my wife is stingy and does not give them proper food when they visit.
They claim she serves snacks like potato chips, roasted nuts and drinks to guests, instead of offering them proper meals.
According to them, all of a sudden, our place has become an “unwelcoming home”.
What makes me sad is that my mother is among the people pushing this narrative. Had it not been for my father, I would still be in the dark. How do I address this issue, Amai?
Response
Your letter made my reading very sad, mostly because your mother is part of this issue. Parents are duty-bound to ensure the family fabric is not torn apart over petty matters. Her attack on your wife behind your back seems uncalled for.
Did any of your family members tell her what they preferred or expected during their visits? Your family’s actions sound very petty to me.
Considering her age, I think she is trying her best. Instead of teaming up against her and uttering words behind her back, the best route to take, in my opinion, would be to inform her of their preferences before they visit.
You can also assist by making sure these provisions are available when your relatives visit. Your family should stop brewing a storm in a teacup. Last but not least, Amai should embrace her and mould her into a better woman. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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Online Reporter