Online Reporter
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Dear Amai, I hope this finds you well. I am a married woman in my early 30s with one child.
I live in the same neighbourhood as my childhood friend. When her domestic helper walked out, I kindly offered to let her bring her child over when necessary so that my househelp could help watch the little one while she looked for a replacement.
It has now been six weeks and she still has not hired anyone. Instead, she now calls my househelp directly to give instructions regarding her child.
My helper is now using babysitting as an excuse to neglect her primary household duties.
Consequently, the cleanliness and order of my home have been severely compromised.
How can I resolve this issue and set proper boundaries without causing a misunderstanding?
Response
I am very well and thanks for asking. Thank you very much for helping a friend in need. The only way forward is to be true to yourself.
Grab the bull by the horns and have a candid meeting with your friend. Let her know the inconveniences this arrangement is causing you the longer it goes on.
Try to work with timelines; maybe giving her a fortnight to resolve this matter.
Tell her that you may both end up losing the househelp if she continues to remain overwhelmed, as working for two bosses is never easy. You can even volunteer to help scout for a replacement. I wish you all the best.
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Am I being played
for a fool?
Dear Amai, thank you very much for your column in The Sunday Mail.
I follow it weekly and I have learnt a lot. I have been married traditionally for a year, as we had to fast-forward everything because my wife fell pregnant unexpectedly.
While I love my wife, she lives life in the fast lane and refuses to listen to anyone, including her parents, and I deeply regret not seeing this side of her before committing.
During our dating phase, she introduced me to an uncle from her mother’s side with whom she is very close, but my main worry now is that most family members know nothing about this man.
When I questioned my wife about this discrepancy, she changed her story and now claims she calls him sekuru simply because he shares the same totem as her mother.
He comes to our apartment regularly and I am unhappy about this. I no longer want to see him in our home. I urgently need your help.
Response
Hello writer, thank you for supporting this platform. Congratulations on the birth of your child.
Inasmuch as you blame your wife for being in the fast lane, I think you are in the same lane, too, because in most cases, it takes two to tango.
Why do you continue to rack your brains about the sekuru issue when the fact that she changed her story says a lot, especially considering that he is not a blood relative?
You confessed that you love your wife despite what is going on, so you should go for professional counselling, which is an important step you omitted.
Premarital counselling often helps iron out these kinds of inconsistencies. Be vocal and draw a hard line about never seeing this man again at your place. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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Falling short of mukando expectations
Amai, how are you? I am a full-time homemaker and a mother of two children — a boy and a girl.
I belong to a mukando club and my husband kindly offered to pay my contributions for me.
The main goal of our club is for members to furnish their kitchens and improve their homes.
On the day a member receives their payout, everyone gathers for lunch and drinks to inspect the new crockery and home improvements.
However, my progress has been very slow.
Whenever I receive my payout, my husband takes half of the money, justifying it by saying that he is the one who covers my contributions.
This situation is really discouraging me and I am wondering if I should quit since it no longer makes sense to continue.
It is also becoming embarrassing in front of the other members.
At times, I even have to hire plates and glasses just to impress them when they come over. Please advise me on what to do.
Response
I am very well and thanks for asking. Reading your letter made me quite sad. Do not be too quick to give up, because you are doing a wonderful thing.
The fact that your husband is helping you is very commendable. Have you told him the golden rule — that the club inspects your progress after every payout?
Does he know that you hire out crockery because he takes half of the earnings?
Please be sincere and sit down to have an open meeting with your husband to explain all the rules.
Try to make a list of your needs so that when you receive your payout, you can buy what is essential first before he takes his portion of the remaining funds.
I wish you all the best.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
