Moffat Mungazi
Dear Tete Joyie:
I need your advice, my mother does not want us to visit her without an appointment.
Since we all got married and moved out of her home, she does not want unapproved visits as she will send you back.
Please help, how do we make her understand that she is our mother and we do not need an appointment to visit her.
Tete Joyie Says:
Family dynamics can be delicate, especially when circumstances change.
It sounds like your mother is asserting her boundaries, perhaps to find time for herself or to adjust to her new life without you all at home.
While this can feel hurtful, it is also an opportunity to understand her perspective and strengthen your relationship with her.
Here is how you might approach the situation:
1.Have an open and respectful conversation: Sit down with your mother and let her know how you feel.
Express your love and desire to stay close without compromising her need for space.
For example, say something like, “Mom, we love you and value our bond.
We miss being able to drop by like we used to. Is there a way we can find a balance?”
2.Understand her reasons: She might have valid reasons for wanting appointments, such as needing quiet time or managing her schedule.
Ask her why this boundary is important to her it could help you empathize with her position.
3.Find a compromise: Suggest a middle ground, like keeping visits scheduled but with flexibility for spontaneous visits when she’s comfortable.
You could ask, “Would it be alright if we sometimes come by spontaneously when we know you’re free?”
4.Show appreciation: Let her know you understand and respect her autonomy while emphasising your desire to maintain a strong family connection.
Simple gestures, like checking in before visiting or sending her thoughtful messages, can go a long way.
5.Include her in your plans: Sometimes parents feel left out after their children move away.
Involve her in your life through calls, updates, or inviting her to gatherings you host it might help her feel more connected.
Relationships thrive on mutual understanding and respect.
By having an honest conversation with her, you can show her how much you care while finding a way forward that works for everyone.
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Moody hubby drives woman crazy
Dear Tete Joyie:
My partner is moody and critical all the time.
Everything is my fault.
He used to be fun, and kind.
He used to like my friends and family, now he says he hates them.
If you ask him the reason why he hates them, he does not say anything.
The trouble is, I have been through this before with my first marriage.
It is like life is repeating itself, and I will never be happy.
Please help me.
Tete Joyie Says:
I am truly sorry you are feeling this way.
It sounds incredibly difficult and draining to navigate these emotions and patterns in your relationship, especially when they echo your past experiences.
It is hard when someone changes so drastically from the person you fell for and when their behaviour starts to wear you down.
You deserve happiness and a partner who lifts you up, not one who tears you down.
It is important to reflect on how this dynamic is affecting your mental and emotional well-being.
Here are some thoughts on how you might approach this situation:
1.Open communication: It might help to express how you are feeling without blame, focusing on “I feel” statements.
For example, “I feel unheard and hurt when everything is blamed on me,” rather than “You always blame me.” See if your partner is willing to have an honest, constructive conversation about what’s going on.
2.Set boundaries: If his moodiness and criticisms become too overwhelming, setting boundaries can protect your peace.
For instance, you could say, “I can’t engage in conversations where I am being blamed unfairly.”
3.Seek professional support: Couples therapy can offer a neutral space for addressing conflicts and understanding each other’s perspectives.
If your partner is not open to therapy, individual counselling might help you process your feelings and patterns.
4.Evaluate your happiness: Think about whether this relationship is contributing positively to your life or if it is holding you back.
It is okay to prioritise your own well-being and make decisions that safeguard your future happiness.
5.Break the cycle: Since this feels similar to what you experienced in your first marriage, consider what lessons you learned from that relationship and how you can apply them here.
It may help to identify patterns and find ways to shift them.
You deserve a life full of joy and fulfilment, and it is okay to take steps that empower you toward that goal.
If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatsApp 0716069196, and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write in remain anonymous.
Online Reporter