Online Reporter
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Dear Amai, I hope this message finds you well. I am a 35-year-old woman who is gainfully employed.
I am also a single mother of two beautiful children. My job requires frequent travel, both locally and abroad.
Last month, one of my female cousins on my mother’s side made a request. She asked me to bring her a phone as a gift.
Although I felt it was a big ask, I decided to sacrifice because it was the first time she had ever asked me for anything.
While abroad, I bought her a beautiful phone. I spent money outside my budget and was unable to buy myself anything, but I did not mind. The phone was warmly received.
However, two weeks later, she returned the phone, saying that her church had rejected the gift. They claimed it was demonic and that I had not given it in good faith.
I still cannot believe this. I am heartbroken.
Now, I am torn: Should I confront the church leaders or even sue my cousin? The phone is still intact, but it remains a painful reminder of what happened.
Response
I am very well, thank you for asking. Your letter made me feel very sad. I feel sorry for you.
Your cousin asked for a favour and you kindly obliged. Do not lose sleep over this. You cannot sue her on any grounds because she asked for a favour and you agreed; there was no coercion or anything illegal about it.
The church she attends makes a storm in a teacup. What value is a church that brings misunderstandings and misery between relatives, especially over a mere gadget?
My advice is simple: Either use the phone yourself or resell it at a fair price to recover some of your investment. Take this as a learning experience and move forward without bitterness.
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Who will bell the cat?
I am a single 26-year-old man. I have two sisters and both of our parents are alive. This is the first time I am opening up about my mother’s character.
To say the least, she is a very difficult person to deal with. I honestly do not know how my father manages. She is moody most of the time and unpopular with both sides of the family.
At times, I feel sorry for her because she does not have many friends. Even the smallest issue sets her off and she tends to hold grudges.
I intend to get married soon, but I worry about how my wife will cope with my mother’s behaviour, especially since she comes from a very happy family.
I suspect there may be something wrong with my mother, and I am concerned because I love her deeply. How can she be assisted?
Response
Hello, writer. Thank you for trusting me and opening up about your mother. I empathise with her situation, as well as with the rest of the family. While we cannot say conclusively what her problem is, I suspect there may be an underlying condition.
The best people to make a diagnosis are therapists or counsellors who are trained to unravel the complexities of the human psyche.
It is natural for people to feel moody or upset occasionally, but if this becomes a consistent pattern, then there is cause for concern. In this case, you must proceed carefully, as convincing her may prove to be a challenge.
Does she attend church? If so, perhaps the pastor could be asked to intervene in a diplomatic manner.
Another person who may be equipped to handle this is your father or another very close relative. I suggest you respectfully share your observations with your father and ask him to help uncover the root cause of these issues. I wish you well.
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My kids left the church
Thank you very much for your column. I am a married woman and the mother of two children, aged 24 and 27.
My husband is 52 and together we live a happy, normal life. We attend a mainline church, which has traditionally been our family church.
However, both of my children have left, saying it is too rigid and boring. They have since joined another church, where they seem very happy. We feel ashamed of their decision. What can we do to encourage them to return?
Response
Greetings and thank you for supporting this platform. I believe this may be much ado about nothing. Your children are no longer kids; it is their right to choose what suits them best.
Instead of feeling ashamed, you should be proud of them, because they still worship the same God — just in a different church, but under the same faith. I do not think trying to lure them back is the best approach.
Encourage them to remain where they are, as long as they continue to receive the Word of God.
When there is something at your church that you would like them to be part of, simply invite them.
The Bible says: “In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you.”
The “many rooms” indicate that God’s kingdom is vast and inclusive, built to welcome people from every nation, culture and tribe. In this case, it also reflects the variety of churches and styles of worship. Be well and continue to fellowship.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
