Of 16 days of nothing and rubbing it in

Bar Talk with Bra Gee
Revisiting old grounds
So mountains may not come to Mohammed, but they can definitely tumble! Now that previously sacred cows have been shown to be just ordinary plough-dragging beasts that can be whipped into shape like the rest of the herd, we think it is a good time to take a look under the rugs and throw open a few cupboards. The dirty swept under the former and the skeletons in the latter all need to come out into the open sooner or later and now seems like the perfect time.

Remember the story of the briefcase full of loot in a helicopter and the muzukuru who claimed that he charged US$15 million as consultation fees for introducing people to his Sekuru.

We really think that this is as good a time as any other to revive that story and get all parties involved to explain themselves to the nation’s satisfaction. We might be just regular drinkers, but 15 million greenbacks just for an introduction sure does smell fishy to us.

At the usual place we call such thing corruption, bribery or other names like that and certainly not consultation fees.

We do know that such practices are common the world over although in places like the US they pay through lobbyists who bankroll campaigns so that it is not called corruption. But still, 15 million of dosh to one person sure does sound excessive to us and we would really like to hear more about it, preferably with the Prosecutor-General’s Office and the police involved somewhere.

And whatever did happen to that female politician who was asking for some obscene amount before anyone could do business? We still patiently await the revelation of her name.

Then do you remember that community school that was sold by an individual who was supposed to be heading the trust that should have safeguarded the interests of the residents? Then, of course, let us not forget that former top soldier is now a chief executive at a State operation who loves to beat up his model girlfriends, concubines and small houses in public.

We mean the one who was deported for beating up that girl in a Mauritian hotel in front of the prominent businesswoman who has been in the news this year with rather large legal issues. And cows that believe that they are still sacred should take care not to prematurely celebrate but use this chance to clean their cupboards and sweep under their rugs while they still can, for one day surely the new broom will reach even the most remote corners.

Much noise, zero results

You might have figured out already that we are not too fond of the civil society players with their hoity toity do as I say not as I do attitude. They are all big on much noise and zero on results. But, of course, now after those leaked communications from those eating on behalf of that odd creature called a girl child, we know that they falsify their records so that their funders believe that they are performing miracles.

So we are not surprised that the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender Based Violence is just another noise making venture with zero results. Just go to the courts, or better still read H-Metro and you will know what we mean. Wife bashing is still very much a national sport and we doubt that a few placards 16 days a year will stop that anytime in this century, bearing in mind that we still have 86 years to go before the century is declared officially over.

Appointments in Samara

When death makes an appointment with you, there is no point in trying to flee to Samara as the Grim Reaper will be waiting for you there. This has been proved repeatedly and more recently when going to prophet-linked church ceremonies has gone up to number one on the list of potentially fatal activities. Why do people go to prophets? To avoid death and other troubles. So now that they know that death respects no earthly promise, why do they keep on flocking there? Some unkind regulars have even been saying that this culture of spiritual fathers whose sources of spirituality we do not know is the problem. They say obviously whatever demons are haunting the spiritual father which resulted in his building collapsing have come to haunt the self-appointed spiritual son and resulted in the recent calamity. But we do not know if that could be true and we believe that it is still okay for masses to go there. After all death also stalks the bar and we cannot offer any refuge either. So let Death find us where it will, bar or church, it makes no difference, it is six feet down for all of us in the end.

Schools on fire and cheating spouses

The story of yet another sex orgy in yet another school and yet another cheating spouse are just too much. Look at the figures from the biggest brewer in the land and you will understand why we are so pained. They show that we have stopped drinking our favourite tipples which we have held dear since the day we stole that very first forbidden sip as kids. Now we are having to make do with glorified fish bait because we have no choice. All our money will have gone into getting the offspring educated and the spouses in weaves. The spouses then go off and get lovers because they look so spiffy. And the kids decide to get practical sex education instead of the academic version that leads to one becoming a doctor. So maybe doctors might earn peanuts, but they cannot be compared with school dropout teen parents! So our drinking pleasure has been dampened and the result is that the offspring and the spouses can enjoy the fruit of the legendary Garden of Eden!

Till next week, bottoms up!

Facebook: Bra Gee, Email: [email protected]