adminWho am I?
So Daddy had a pre-album launch at one of the popular venues. Yes I still refer to him as Daddy because of late, I have been praying hard for us to get back together. I have given up on the charms like goats and what have you. I have found religion. After all, I am the prodigal daughter who can still bounce back like a yoyo or ricochet like a boomerang into my father’s house where a whale of a beast will be slaughtered upon my return. Besides the famous song itself tells a lot — God is not drunk and the heavens know. On to my children, they do miss their father too, just like the mother.
Seeing as I have to make do with just a fraction of what I would have wanted, life is very tough. A glamour girl like me trying to make do on a civil service salary pittance is just the bottom. And seriously rich men have not been too forthcoming either, so getting the big one that got away back would be the ultimate scoop. Trust me, I know I will get him back — it is about the cookie jar, once tasted you will never get me wrong.
Prophets, prostitutes and reptiles
What is it with prophets and prostitutes? Prophets these days seem to attract prostitutes like faeces attract flies, implication fully intended. We have noted how a sister who sells intangible goods at the usual place, women trying to claim a man whose hand has got other claimants and women trying to get a man all seem to be the most ardent adherents of the bracelet brigade. We mean the wristbands wearers.
And what is it with prophets and reptiles? Either they are trying to make us believe that their enemies are trying to send them marine spirits camouflaged as reptiles or they are trying to make their enemies eat snakes. We are so glad that life at the usual place is very simple and all you need to figure out about the future is where your next drink is coming from.
Of secretaries and CEO sexting
We may not all be politicians or famous movie stars, but we sure sext like them. To those who pretend not to know, sexting refers to the transfer of sexually-charged messages or photos from one person’s cell phone to another, and it’s become more common than ever. Every day some schmucks are having their most lewd thought exposed on the world wide web. Glad no sexually transmitted disease happen in the process, but as we have said before; fornicate to your heart’s content but in the name of all that is lustful and lascivious, do not talk, write or make images about the act or the organs involved for that is a sure way to indecent exposure.
Bro G cannot help but be baffled when someone who is supposed to be some big fish in society whom we gave the onus and responsibility of making sure that we are all present and correct in the country’s registers yanks open his mouth to spout a stream of words into the cloud that has caused gender and health activists to scream for the big man to close his mouth if he doesn’t have anything constructive to the nation.
Does this man know that we have a population explosion that has already happened? And where does he get off trying to tell women what to do with their bodies. How many children does this dude have anyway? We pity any daughters-in-law who may have made the unfortunate decision to join his family. So Mr We-are-being-speared, we suggest that you die first, get reincarnated as a woman then choose to reproduce like a cockroach. As long as you do not ask for charity and state support for your progeny we will not have anything to say.
What craziness?
Crazy things never cease to happen indeed. The youth of this town called Harare most of whom are not employed in the formal sector are wasting their livers and lives to the illicit brew that is now sold illegally on the streets of Harare. I hear even some members of the uniformed forces get some of this dangerous brew as part of protection tokens. Even if the sun should rise from the West and not from East, Bro G will never lick any of this stuff that is contributing to the death statistics in this country. But to each their own poison. Some choose to commit suicide by prophets, others choose Bronco and others choose Kenge. At the end of the day we all die.
Attention seeking diva
Take a leaf from the book of our darling songstress. Urban grooves music did not work for her she converted or did she follow the money to Afro jazz music? Just like her romance with urban grooves that did not last long and she has re-branded yet again. And again, we did not care but I swear this sister will do anything for attention. Do not get us started with her new sexy video that somehow reminds us of Mama Edith’s thunder thighs that she thrust at her recent photo shoot. (Yuck!) Well, back to her, the regulars were left shell shocked at her recent announcement. Apparently, she and pop star Beyoncé are alike all of a sudden. They are both possessed with ghosts that work the magic on stage. We are not judging you sister but then again the math just doesn’t add up. Beyoncé has the figures to show for her Sasha Fierce ghost and that is not the case with your spirit which has failed to attract the crowds. Maybe you must go back to your spiritual father for a top up!
Last Call: Let them eat sex
We must put on record that we were always ambivalent about the 12 year old outcry. Because at the usual place we have seen it all. Yes, the neighbours with their decision to let 12 year olds get on with it as long as they do it with each other may be right after all.
Recently a court case in the Southern part of the country threw the debate wide open again. We give you the synopsis:
A 12 year old was allegedly raped by an older youth. The prosecutor trying to go for maximum sentence set out to prove that the minor had been traumatised.
“Did he hurt you?” the prosecutor asked.
“No,” the minor replied. “I felt nothing because he did not last long!” Upon further examination the minor blithely informed the court that she was not a virgin as she had previously turned the family garden into a bedroom with some other dude.
Till next week, bottoms up!,
Email: [email protected], Twitter: @brageesbar, Facebook: Bra Gee
Online Reporter