Of sanctions and much ado about nothing

Bar Talk with Bra Gee
Speak up, please!
The deafening silence from the “There are no sanctions” camp is echoing across the world. Remember our friends who have been so emotional about how there are no sanctions but just social snubs targeted at a few individuals who have been barred from going shopping in certain areas and the rest of us had nothing to do with it and so on and so forth?

Now their champion of the big ears has come out to say that yes, poor little you and me have been affected by these specific embargos. In fact, we are told that the whole gang from the land of “Do as I say and never mind what I do” are scratching their heads as to how they can hit the few without obliterating the many.

But we are not holding our breath seeing as these are the same people who created that quaint little expression called “collateral damage’ which nicely takes care of all the millions whose deaths and suffering they preside over each year in the name of “keeping the world safe”.  That is the problem of vengeance, by whatever name you call it: The innocent will always suffer.

But we digress. The point is why are all those who have been vociferously saying that there are no sanctions not coming out to say something, anything?

We would like to hear how they are interpreting this latest betrayal after the way they almost tore into that beleaguered ambassador who had the temerity to suggest that these people are seeking relevance by blowing things out of proportion.

But just to play devil’s advocate here, we hope that the other side does not think this is a trumpet call to strengthen their wont to blame everything including the blocked kitchen drain, burnt toast and no-conjugal-rights-today headaches on sanctions.

Between one side and the other you would think that this country either exists in an ivory tower or is a leaf in the wind.

Anymore plain girls around?

If we hear of just one more organisation purportedly seized with efforts concerning this new-fangled creation called the girl-child, we will not be responsible for our actions and we may have to give our beloved beverages a bad name.

First of all, last time we checked our dictionary the word ‘girl’ referred to a human female child, but it looks like activists have created a new sub-species. So we suppose that this girl-child is some creature from outer space and we are hardly surprised by the weird things that they get up to which have lead to a worldwide alarm over we-are-not-too-sure-what.

Seriously, look at how people are crawling out of the woodwork to talk about how this creature is being forced to get married, drop out of school, use cow dung for monthlies while being denied the right to safe and pleasurable sex. Our reaction is, “Huh! Really! Where on earth in Zimbabwe are all these forced marriages taking place?”

In the absence of figures, we rely on the rumour mill and what we know of our own kith, kin, neighbours, friends and enemies. And we have to say that surely the one case we hear once in a blue moon is one too many, yet that hardly warrants all these activist organisations mushrooming behind every bush.

But again, maybe that is why all these organisations all seem determined to grab any passing journalist to scream their intentions, yet are never able to show us the girls that they have saved from the jaws of forced marriage, leaf pads and other fates worse than death.

And then again, as with all other NGO activity, we have come to view it simply as a case of following the money. Remember how Blair toilets became the in-thing that long gone decade?

Now the millions with no toilets and drinking water are ignored for a few girls, some of whom are actually choosing to get married and would not hear of leaving their men who in some cases are equally young or younger boy-children.

The census report by our Zimstat friends shows that the dropout rate is almost similar for boys and our grapevine tells us that parenthood is coming early to both sets.

Now even that woman who decided to give up what appeared to be a star future for cash in the till when she was still in the cradle wants to stop other girls from getting married to rich guys when fate places the chance in their hands?

And then what? So that they can then tell us that they want the Constitution to guarantee them good husbands when middle age comes by and they find out that nothing beats a warm body next to you on a cold winter’s night, not even an electric blanket?

If the marriage had not soured, would this good woman be singing the same song today or would she still be happily scooping the dollars from the till while laughing at her man-less peers?

But if the circus must continue, we hope soon someone will put some money towards the issue of finding solutions to save all citizens from sexual abuse.

We have figures there that any self-respecting activist should be tearing their clothes over, instead of desperately finding any available media camera lens for an almost none-existent cause.

Did she or didn’t she?

Even the regulars in their habitual state of befuddlement have heard about the pictures that may or may not be behind the abdication by the queen whose chief maids decided not to compete for the then vacant throne and instead let one of those much lower grab the crown.

If it is true, then we have absolutely no sympathy for the girl who did not realise that openly showing her almost nude body to the world from the catwalk is perfectly respectable, but allowing a man to get evidence that she has shown the same body to him in private is atrocious behaviour that will bring her profession into disrepute.

The tears were all very touching but they did nothing to hide the obfuscation that went for answers as the trust failed to contain the rumour mill. Is it true that the chief maids were actually disqualified because they were also implicated in the machinations to expose the secrets that the queen had foolishly thought that she could keep in her cupboard?

But anyway, we will not cry with you ladies, for we know that we have already found our country’s representative to Big Bore Africa next year. Take it from us, the next auditions will be just to rubber stamp this young lady who seems to have proved that she has what it takes to get into the house.

Till next week, bottoms up!

Facebook: Bra Gee, Email: [email protected]