Of unholy alliances, corpse sieges

With Bra Gee
This week is full of questions that the regulars at the usual place have all failed to answer adequately in spite of hours of conversation and copious amounts of drink to wash it down. The first one is what kind of clothes will the bottle riding stripper peddle? Will they be of the women fellowship type commonly known as “tsiga ndikuroores”? Or will they be of the more salacious French maid type as we have come to expect from the bottle insertion artist?

Her brand which has obviously attracted this man is that of a half-naked woman selling intangible goods.  But to show that she has turned to the long and narrow path she must push a different brand. But will it sell with such an ambassador?

Will all the skimpily-dressed women disappear from our streets and bars? Will he give them all some monetary bribe to cover up, so to speak?

Did that preacher prophesy this dilemma and foresee the solution? We wait to see.

Some unkind regulars have concluded that the preacher man is obviously itching for someone to make the connection between his apparent conversion of the lewd dancers and Jesus’ saving of the prostitutes.

But we do not think that even in this age of preacher-gods, he would really go that far. Would he? Come to think of it, it was just the other week when someone did not even bother with such niceties and subtleness and just went on to declare himself the Son of God!

And we also wonder if there is a connection between the rise of the preacher-gods and the fact that all their PR posts seem to be media practitioners. Maybe that explains the high coverage of non-miracles and pseudo-events.

The second question is about Zimbabwe’s recently endangered species; the highly paid CEOs. We have it on good authority that there are many people who are not sleeping these days. You have the rich guys praying that they are not the ones making the day’s news.

Then you have the journalists who seem to have gone into overdrive as the hunt and haunt any person they think might have a few more dollars than they do.

But to get to the question; is it that Zimbabwe’s media practitioners are so dense that they never figured out this story before or has the blanket of silence been keeping some members of the fourth estate warm through ‘toll gates’ and other undeclared income?

Will journalists themselves be able to bear the same means audit that they are baying for a la CEOs and other lucky fish?

We are just simple drinkers and cannot answer such complex questions, of course. Perhaps the gentleman who has seen and has so bravely risked credibility by coming out in support of the dubious fellow could answer us.

Fellows at the bar are most insistent that maybe visits to prophets in far off places might work after all. See how some periodically make such visits and come back to reap bags of money as willing lambs meekly line up to offer all that they have and including borrowed money in the name of “seeding”.

Then others come back to earn more money in a single month than you and I can ever amass in three lifetimes even if we work 24 /7 and do not spend a single cent of our pay. But it looks like the trick is to keep going back to the altar and laying bigger offerings.

Otherwise the blessings expire and your staggering perks are suddenly removed while your name is dragged in the mud by pesky journalists that only earn a percentage of your lunch allowance. The third question comes back to the preacher people who seem to be hell bent on taking lit candles into the dam. Who gave you permission to be the almighty authority in this country? Like what did that stupid fellow mean by stripping some granny in public after he allegedly accused her of witchcraft?

We at the usual place think this is taking things a bit too far. And that fellow is lucky that the mourners at that particular funeral had time for his nonsense.

Just wait until the bereavement happens at our bar and any silly pastor, prophet, reverend or prophet tries such a trick.

We will teach him a very effective lesson that he always will include in his sermons until the second coming. These people are really tarnishing the image of our respectable and beloved pastors, reverends and preachers who are in the business of saving souls and not creating publicity stunts.

While on the subject of death we are really hoping that one of the regulars will die soon.

We will dredge up any slight that may have been offered to that person while they were still alive.

Then we will take the coffin and lay siege on the perpetrator and demand a few rounds to remove the body.

I am sure that we are in for some heavy drinking times, if only some regulars will be good enough to die soon. Unless of course the police come around with their booted feet and fists clenched around batons and order us to take away our deceased person and dispatch them to the cemetery post haste.

Meanwhile the regulars still need to debate the ramifications of the rampant pastor’s trial. Does the jackpot go to those who said the women were willing or the ones who said they were all victims? Bottoms up!