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WHAT football players do in their spare time is none of my business.
However, the moment they decide to have sex in the car and get caught it becomes everyone’s business.
It is with that in mind that today VaShagare pleads with you dear reader to pray for one Ronald Chitiyo. The boy is terribly out of form and his social life is a mess.
The Harare City midfielder was reportedly caught, by his pregnant wife of all people, pants down while exploring some woman in a car.
The cheapest lodge in Harare costs US$5 per hour but Chitiyo chose his second-hand ride, with it’s worn out shock absorbers, as the perfect love nest.
It must be a demon, a powerful one.
I say powerful because after being allegedly caught offside by his heavily pregnant wife the midfielder is said to have assaulted her for daring to come to where he was before he got to where he was going inside that suspected slut.
As he went gaga, Chitiyo foolishly vowed not to take care of his wife and the baby they are expecting.
I repeat it’s a demon, a very powerful one. It needs prayer and fasting.
Chihuta – oh gosh, Chitiyo – needs urgent divine intervention because the rate at which he is destroying his once promising career is diabolic.
The trendy way to go about it will be to visit that pool of Paul Sanyangore, that self proclaimed prophet who claims to have walked on water and had it captured on camera.
Eric Chipeta was there, his pictures in the pool are all over the internet and form part of Sanyangore’s advertising material.
Archford Gutu also visited the pool soon after his release from remand prison and pictures of him being anointed with oil by Sanyangore are available everywhere like quail birds.
So nothing will be amiss to hear that Chitiyo also paid a visit to the now famous pool.
However, since the midfielder is a Madzibaba, a very concerned Va Shagare proposes some other ways of casting out the demon.
One; the hit song by Killer T and Fungisai Zvakavapano, “Vanondibatirana,” can be played continuously for Chitiyo until he gets back to his senses.
Two; if the song by Chairman and Ras Fungi does not do the trick, someone will have to play for Chitiyo that classic sermon by the late Evangelist Chiweshe titled “Kana zvamubata zvinomuwisira pasi”.
“Chitema chemunhu mutema wemuAfrica vane one common sin. Akabata mari kuchinja mukadzi kana kuwedzera…kwaari mukadzi ndiye zvikuru,” the legendary Chiweshe needs to repeatedly tell Chitiyo even from the grave.
At his peak, Chitiyo was touted as the next big thing in local football and was an automatic entry into the national team.
Now he is just ordinary; a short player who appears overwhelmed by his shorts unless he rolls them up thrice by the waist.
And unless he changes his ways Chitiyo will become a permanent feature on the Harare City bench and persona non grata as far as the Warriors are concerned.
His career will end where is started and Epworth will forever be his home.
He needs to take a leaf from Khama Billiat, the Mamelodi Sundowns midfielder who appeared intent on self-destruction until he saw the light.
With his testosterone levels overpowering his IQ , Billiat banged anything with two legs and breasts.
Thankfully Billiat got his feet back on the ground and the forward is now flying with Sundowns desperate to keep him amid interest from Europe and China.
Va Shagare exits the scene!
VaShagare is the founder of DeMbare DotComs and can be contacted on that Facebook page as well as the email shagare18area.gmail.com
Online Reporter