Parenting no bed of roses

out to be. They do not only fail to look after themselves, but turn the home they had built for themselves and those children into horror.
Children who fail to move on when parents have invested dearly to give them a better life can be a pain.
A number of parents are complaining, asking the question; for how long will they work after their children who some are ungrateful and instead of adding to the family’s wealth.
Whatever the family has, such children are out to destroy, leaving their parents wallowing in poverty.
Most places of residence have stopped functioning as homes and have been turned into mere houses, stations or waiting rooms by ungrateful and disorganised children.
I have met parents who dread going home as their children have turned their homes into something they never imagined.
When people are old, they want to feel the warmth of their homes more than when they were raising children because this is the time they want to rest and enjoy what they have worked for.
It becomes even more difficult for women who most of the times cannot go out at night to socialise like men who can at least go out and only come home to sleep.
I have a friend who could hardly stay in her home and she was always on the road avoiding staying at the residence she and her husband built.
She would rather spend time crossing borders and only came home to bath and eat and catch the next bus or plane.
If she had a choice, she would spend most of her time at home with her husband but doing that would result in her going nuts.
Although she wanted to rest, she worked hard to build her rural home and turned it into a state-of-the-art building.
She decided to move to the rural home with her husband who was also no longer finding joy staying at the urban home coming very late in the night just to sleep.
“My husband could not even eat at our home. He said to me, ‘I can’t even find strength to chew food in this environment, just looking at these children I feel like dying’. That is also what I felt,” she said.
Their son and his wife were the most disorganised couple here on earth.
Their daughter had a child whom she did not care to look after. It was all confusion and their home became a house of horror.
When they moved to their rural home, the children followed them as they had destroyed the urban house.
It was no longer habitable and they envied the life their parents had in the rural areas.
In the rural areas, the children had to work hard so they decided to go back to the city only to find out that the parents had rented out the house.
But their son and his wife stayed and helped them at the rural home.
While it is good to raise children and they have their own homes and life, the mother said having her son and his wife at home has been helpful.
The couple is very resourceful and they work hard, with their children they bring happiness in the home.
When a home no longer provides love, security, warmth and good memories it becomes just a house, just like any other place where one can book to find a place to stay.
It becomes a house.
Some sites on Google describe a house as “a constructed building, large or small that contains the essentials you need and the materialistic things you need to survive with in this life”.
“A house is somewhere you might live by yourself, or with a roommate.”
“A house is a building with four walls and a roof, where you keep your stuff and where you go to sleep and eat and change clothes.”
“A house is simply a building in which you reside. Any structure used for residence is a house; it could be a hotel room that you use for the time being. A house isn’t permanent; it’s just there for the moment.”
What is a home? A home is a place with love, and security.
When you have love and feel safe, and if there are loved ones, with your food, water, and clothing, that is your home. A home is where a family shares a lifetime of memories.
A “home is where the heart is”, a “home is where you hang your hat” ; “home is a place where, when you go there, they have to let you in” a home is where you live, love, and are surrounded by family, friends, and comforts, it’s your retreat. It is described as not only a place where you reside, but also a place where you are comfortable, feel safe, and really feel at home in.
You can live in a house and it cannot really be a home, and you can live in a home without it really being a house.
A spot in the middle of the woods can be home for you, if it is a place where you feel most comfortable and safe.
A home is something you build for yourself. It can be a trailor, an apartment, or a big city building.
Another couple who raised their five children in a home environment where there was love, warmth and security could not believe how some of their children turned to be, as they brought misery to their life.
The first three children (one boy and two girls) did very well and they excelled in school by working hard and got good jobs and bought themselves their own homes.
The last two boys became a nightmare to the extent that the parents could not believe they were their children.
They were totally different from the first three. The fourth one did not do so well in school simply because he did not want to work hard, but fortunately he got a job.
The parents asked him to contribute to the upkeep of the home, but he could not. He expected to find food on the table when he came back and also expected his clothes to be washed and ironed by the maid.
When the parents decided not to give him food he would buy some takeaways and would not be bothered.
They could not take it anymore and asked him to move to the cottage and pay rent, but he did not pay even a cent, and wondered what kind of parents would ask their child to pay rent.
He had friends who lived in their parents’ houses and the issue of paying rent was never talked about.
His parents were trying to instill some sense of responsibility in him, but he saw his parents as cruel, he even failed to pay electricity bills until the electricity was cut.
He moved back into the main house.
When the first three children came to visit their parents they would try to talk some sense in him but he just would not listen and became violent.
He accused his parents of favouritism, loving those who gave them money, he became very self destructive.
Many parents today are having problems with children who think the good life they have is not worked for.
What they fail to realise is that the good life is worked for and to continue living comfortably, they have to help their parents.
However, the children become selfish and the parents never find time to rest but will have to work even if they are no longer strong enough to do so.
Most parents don’t know what to do but would rather continue to work even if they feel tired trying to cover up and keep up appearances.
The unfortunate thing is that the children know that the parents will cover up and play on their psychology.
The last born who came after him became a real menace.
He did not finish school, was expelled, started taking drugs, and misused his parents’ cars.
The parents did everything to try and get him counselled, but one day he would be fine and the next day back to his old ways. He sold household goods and the groceries that his parents bought to buy drugs.
He blackmailed his parents by wanting to commit suicide when they became tough on him.
The mother told me that one day she decided to pray loudly crying at the same time.
She said she did this to show that what he was doing was affecting her and thought he would be sympathetic, but what did the son do?
He turned on the volume of the radio full blast.
“My husband had warned me not to try to draw his attention while praying but I thought it was a strategy. My husband just turned down the volume of the radio and came into the bedroom and comforted me. It is this day that he said, ‘enough was enough.”
The parents devised a plan with the first three children and turned the house into a lodge, they went to live in the cottage. It became very clear that they could not fit in the two bedroom cottage, having been used to an eight bedroomed house.
One of the sons decided to look for a place to stay, and they remained with the last born who has not fully recovered from drug addiction but at least he is now a little bit productive and helps out with the family business.
Parents with nowhere to run actually die of either high blood pressure or other stress-related illnesses as they feel suffocated in such situations.
Family and friends should watch out for such problems and help parents of abusive and disorganised children to find a way out of their situations as they might find it embarrassing to talk about the problems.
I have received e-mails from parents who do not know what to do when find in these situations, friends and relatives have told me stories of how their homes have become hell because of children.
It is important to try and intervene as family and friends in order to help these parents to find peace in their retirement age and enjoy their homes.