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Laina Makuzha
LOVE by DESIGN
Matters of the heart may seem insignificant to those who don’t value loving, wholesome relationships, but when we consider the increasing incidents of people having a genuine meltdown due to the pain of heartbreak, one has to acknowledge there’s something powerful about human connection that we may never fully explore and understand.
This week we are revisiting the issue of heartbreak with intent of helping someone snap out of self-pity, resentment and self-harm or harming others. To someone who’s conquered this aspect of life, you might think: we know all about heartbreaks, what’s the big deal?
However, disappointment in love, jealous rage, and heartbreak have been known to cause untold turmoil in the lives of many, sometimes, sadly, with fatal consequences, which is why it matters how these issues are perceived and handled.
We know for sure, healing from heartbreak can be a daunting journey. What’s more important however is to realise that there is life beyond the pain. I can’t say this enough.
Indeed, relationships are integral to our emotional well-being, and finding love and a life partner is a desire shared by many, but if someone chooses to leave you, you cannot force them to love you.
Attempting to do so will end in more pain. It is really their choice, and they are entitled to it, so don’t beat yourself. There is definitely someone somewhere who would love and appreciate you. It’s not the end of the world, there are no physical walls closing in on you.
Keep hope alive. Drawing inspiration from relationship experts in our very continent, coaches, authors, and the wisdom of the Bible, we can discover a path towards healing, growth, and an enduring relationship.
Here are some insights to consider:
Embracing selfcare
No matter how painful heartbreak or disappointment is, as long as there’s no physical harm to you, you can come out of it and you can decide your course of healing. Relationship experts emphasise self-love and self-care as crucial aspects of healing after a heartbreak.
Renowned Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie says, “You deserve to be treated with kindness, love, respect, and dignity.” Recognise that healing starts within you, and give yourself permission to grieve, reflect, and grow. My brother, my sister, know who you are — know your self worth. God loves you too much for you to be miserable or reckless.
Hausi wemanga-manga iwewe. If challenged in this area, consider embracing activities that help increase your self-esteem, such as journalling, meditating on the Word of God or engaging in hobbies that bring you joy — even trying out new ones, learning a new skill among other things. Empower yourself.
Healthy communication:
Cultivating healthy communication is a skill to be desired. Ghanaian relationship coach and author Patrick Beke strongly advocates for effective communication as the foundation of any thriving relationship.
After heartbreak, it becomes necessary to assess your communication patterns and learn from past mistakes.
Going forward you would need to be open and honest with yourself and your future partner, expressing your needs, fears, and desires. Transparent communication is known to build trust, understanding and paves the way for a healthy connection.
Wisdom of the Bible
A limitless source, the Bible, offers profound guidance on healing and seeking love. Psalm 147:3, for instance, boldy says: “He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds.” This among many other portions of scripture, reminds us that God cares deeply about our emotional well-being and invites us to seek solace in His love. Corinthians 13:4-7 offers a blueprint for love: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud… it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
These words inspire us to approach relationships with genuine compassion, forgiveness, and hope. I’ve often asked if this kind of love is attainable, and would love to hear your thoughts and views, your experience too on this if you’ve tried it or are in it right now.
Strength in community:
Community support can be such a pillar of strength. African relationship experts underscore its significance during times of heartbreak. There’s guidance from mentors or relationship coaches who have witnessed and helped others overcome similar challenges. Surround yourself with loved ones who offer encouragement, advice, and empathy.
One can also draw on the wisdom and experiences of African authors and coaches such as Emeldah and Leo Tsumba, Florence Kanyathi, Davison and Gwendolene Kanokanga, Godfrey and Sibongile Kudita, all of whom, apart from their writings and coaching, are also Pastors in different ministries. Additionally authors and coaches such as Blessing Ogunbanwo, Olayemi Olutimehin, or Lola Jaye share valuable insights on personal growth and relationship triumphs.
Growth and transformation:
Every heartbreak serves as an opportunity for personal growth. Nigerian relationship coach and author Lara Kudayisi encourages individuals to view heartbreak as a transformative experience. Learn from the past, identify patterns, and work on self-improvement. Be grateful for the incredible lessons learned. A brighter future awaits. As you heal, you will likely attract a partner who aligns with your growth and shared aspirations.
Heartbreak may feel like the end of the road, but it isn’t. Allow yourself to change the way you see it, flip the script and use the pain as a stepping stone to greater things.
Inspired by love, experts we can trust; and the spiritual guidance, you can learn or choose to believe in yourself, and open your heart to the beautiful possibilities that exist all around us.
I so believe there is life after heartbreak, I’m a living testimony of this. Let’s keep the conversation going whether you’ve conquered heartbreak or need a little help from friends and experts.
I appreciate all those who’ve been in touch. Don’t suffer in silence. This platform can be a source of support in your journey.
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