Online Reporter
Laina Makuzha
LOVE by DESIGN
How is your September coming along parents? Last week we talked about raising conscious sons and explored an episode of “The Oprah Podcast” on conscious masculinity, raising the boy child with Dr Shefali Tsabary.
This week, we turn to our girls. In a world so full of voices competing for our children’s attention, the girl child needs to be well grounded so she can be steadfast, unmoved by the loud voices and predators often prawling the social media streets.
She must have healthy views of her own, values and principles that can guide how she interacts with peers and the world. I always recommend Biblical guidance. Good grounding in the home will go a long way in shaping a well rounded girl child who knows when to say no to things that violate her values and principles. A girl child who knows who she is, and knows she is enough and she is loved from early on.
In Oprah’s podcast episode on raising girls, titled: “Daughters Are Struggling. Here’s What They Need From Us” with Dr Shefali , Oprah continues her conversation with New York Times bestselling author and clinical psychologist Dr Shefali Tsabary about her new book “Raising Conscious Daughters: Building Confidence, Courage, and Inner Power in an Anxious World.”
The conversation is urgent. Dr Shefali names what many of us are seeing but may not know how to name: many of our daughters are struggling beneath the surface of achievement and smiles. The digital age has changed the game — and Dr Shefali says it is time for a parenting wake-up call.
Why? Three big pressures:
The digital abyss — Algorithms exploit our children. Constant comparison, beauty filters, and “the psychology of more” are corroding girls’ mental health.
The perception ‘prison’ — Girls feel trapped performing for likes, for parents, for teachers.
The culture of “never good enough” — Achievement is not the cure. Many high-achieving girls are still anxious and empty inside.
What is really happening with the girl child today?
Dr Shefali does not mince her words. She cites the rise of anxiety, depression, self-harm, cyberbullying, perfectionism and self-doubt among top challenges in young women.
Some takeaways from Dr Shefali for parents
It is not your job to keep your children happy:
We try to fix every bad feeling. But ‘happiness’ is not the chief goal. Wholeness is. Let your daughter feel, and sit with her in the discomfort instead of rescuing her.
Teach some anti-fragility
We can not bubble-wrap them. Pain is a teacher.
When it comes down to it, let her feel some disappointment, boredom, and conflict. Sit with her in it instead of fixing it instantly. Arguably, that is how resilience is built.
Address comparison culture head-on
Social media and algorithms can exploit our children if left unchecked. Talk to her about filters, likes, and the lie that everyone else has it together.
Stop chasing worth for her
Society and some families teach girls to outsource their value: to grades, to boys, to Instagram. Instead of “I’m proud of you because you got an A,” try “I’m proud of who you are, even on your worst day.” Worth must come from within.
When we praise only grades, looks, or performance, we teach her that love is earned.
Call out the culture of “never good enough”
Many girls live under patriarchy and pressure that says they must be perfect. Call it out. Give her permission to be human.
Talk about bullying and cyberbullying
It is not “just drama”, nor only a matter of saying “just ignore them”. It is a big deal to her, shaping how she sees herself. Ask: “What did you see online today that hurt you?” create phone-free, safe spaces to talk.
Name the dangers of being a yes girl and people pleaser
“Good girls” who never say no often become women who abandon themselves.
Celebrate her “no.” Teach her that her needs matter too.
The 3 sacred pillars for raising daughters
Dr Shefali boils it down:
Safety — She needs to know home is safe, and is the place she can fall apart
Soothing — Her emotions are not problems to solve. They are messages to hear, not to shame her. Be a good listener
Love and significance — Remind her daily: “You matter not for what you do, but for who you are” (also not for her looks).
Where the church and community can help
Parents can not do this alone. Churches, schools, and mentors must create spaces where girls are valued beyond performance. Youth groups, women’s circles, and older women who pour in can help break the cycle of “more, better, perfect.”
Dr Shefali’s final challenge on the podcast: Our daughters do not need more pressure to perform. They need parents awake enough to see them, brave enough to let them be real, and present enough to walk with them through anxiety.
Let us raise a generation of women who know what love is, right from upbringing, so that they are well equipped for life’s journey with its many facets. Inculcate in them a strong sense of identity and love, so that they do not fall in the wrong hands while chasing after external validation.
Parents, this is our sacred work, even while we navigate our own healing process.
What are your thoughts? Mothers: What do you wish you had been told/ taught as a girl? Fathers: How are you affirming your daughter’s inner power?
Readers: What is one way you are helping your daughter stay connected to her authentic self in this digital age?
Please share your insights and stories in the comments below.
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