admin
around; this time on his iPad. When their son was called to come and say hi to me, he reluctantly pulled out his earphones and greeted me before shoving the earphones back into his ears as soon as he moved away from my face.
When I asked after the couple’s daughter, I was told she was busy with the television up in her room.
Something about this whole scenario did not quite make sense to me. A whole family, sitting at home together on a public holiday and yet no one was talking to the other. Each person was busy with his or her own gadget and could not be bothered to talk to the other.
After I left my friend’s home I began to seriously ask myself whether I was any better. I can think of many days when I get home, change, eat and settle down to some work on my laptop, Facebooking on my iPad or smiling to myself while looking at the chats on WhatsApp. At times my 10-year-old son has to scream at me to pay attention to him and I always come back to earth with a thud and remember that this time after work is the only time that I can fully be the mother that the children need. That is when I shut off everything except the cell phone and catch up with my family on what type of day they would have had, their highs and lows and all that other stuff that matters.
We are living today in that kind of world where there is so much going on around us that if we do not watch it; we can forget that which truly matters. Take for example that home where everyone is on an iPad, play station, cellphone, television or whatever else takes their fancy; at which point do these people really bond?
At which point will they work on just being a family?
We are living today in a world where people do not sit together at mealtimes. You find the father of the home getting home well after everyone else has eaten.
They then microwave their meal and sit down to eat alone. By this time, the mother and the children are all sleeping. Then there are cases where our houses have become so big that the wife can have her own supper in her own little dining located off the bedroom while the father sits in the lounge while watching the news. The dining room is left to the children and the house help.
Growing up, supper was the most important meal of the day and this is when Baba, as we called our Father, would deliver his key note addresses. Yes, then he told us how education was the cornerstone of our lives and told us that with an education we would be set.
Looks, said my dear father, would fade but an education would always stay with you. I remember when I was in Grade Seven and had asked an older girl from our neighbourhood in Highfield to braid my hair. My mother had bought me the braids needed for me to get the braids (dreads, we called them then). At supper time my father suddenly realised that his youngest daughter no longer looked like the innocent girl he had left behind when he left for work in the morning.
He demanded to know who had defaced his innocent child. He looked at me and asked: “How beautiful do you want to be; you are already beautiful.” I was quacking as I sat there, thinking he would demand that the braids be undone. My mother softly cajoled him and in the end he relented but of course he had to tell me that God had blessed me with all the beauty I needed and all I needed was to get an education and doors would open for me. Looks, he repeated, were not going to do it for me. To this day I remember my dad’s words. I also say the same words to my nieces and nephews who are growing. I cannot wait to tell my daughter the same words. I know them to be true.
But my father was able to say them over and over because he spent time with us. Today we have so many relationships and families breaking down because we are way too busy.
I have never seen such a busy generation. We are on our phones, laptops and televisions every moment.
Some of us travel so much that when we are at home it is like we are visiting. While the argument proffered is that we will be working for our families, I wonder at times whether we are actually not working at destroying those very same families while we think we are working for them. It is a fact that at times the computers we are so fascinated with are the ones we are using to destroy our relationships by spending more time chatting to friends and old flames rather than talking to our partners at home.
The same gadgets we are buying the children to compensate for the fact that we are never there, are the same gadgets that the children are using to surf pornographic sites, discuss sex and just basically be naughty. Today men and women are spending more time with people outside the home than the ones they should be spending time with.
We now compensate our time and love by giving the children and spouses material gifts. At the end of it all, you can give your children all the things money can buy but if you do not invest in your time with them, it will not work. People appreciate time spent in each other’s company than things. I know this to be a fact because to me spending time with me is an expression of love. Sacrificing certain appointments and deals for me is the ultimate in showing me that I matter.
Talking to me to check how I am doing and what I am up to means the world. In as much as I love gifts, they can only mean something if the person is present.
Maybe that is why we hear of women and men who leave their big double storeys to go and see their lovers who live in one-roomed cottages. All they are looking for is some human presence, someone who will ask about their day and their highs and lows.
Let us invest in some communication people. The FB and WhatsApps are all the gadgets we give the children but they can never replace spending time with those who matter. The deals and work are important but there should always be a balance or else there will be no one to celebrate the success we seek so much with.
Children are growing some weird personalities but parents today are too busy to notice. All your gifts and private schools will not count for anything if you do not take time to be a parent.
Just some food for thought!
Online Reporter