Sons want to leave home

Dear, please let me know what you think.

I married young and with the help of my lovely husband, raised two sons to be fine boys.

They are now 20 and 22 and we are very proud of them.

Things were very hard for us over the years, but I never once regretted having our boys or our life together.

Now the boys are talking about leaving home and I am worried because I don’t know how I am going to manage without my sons’ chatter and their company. I never had a proper education.

We just got our heads down and did what was necessary, but now I think I need more.

I have told my husband that I want to go to university and do a degree, or at least try to do one, but he is angry about this and feels that now it is our time and we should just be having fun and holidays, etc.

I do understand his point, but I want to do something for myself, to prove I can do it I suppose.

What do you think? I feel so torn as I can see my husband’s point, but I can’t help wanting to prove that I could have been more than just a mum.

Thank you for your time.

I think your situation is far more common than you think.

Even 20 years ago things were different, we understood what we had to do and just got on with it.

Now though you have the time, I can understand that you feel the need to go back and fill in the gaps, doing the things you’ve watched your own children do.

I don’t think you’re being self indulgent wanting that, you are probably only in your forties, and so still very young yourself.

The thing is though that your husband probably sees you as being pretty perfect already and can’t understand your need to prove yourself — to yourself really.

The only thing I think you can do is reach a compromise. Explain all this to your husband, just as you have to me.

Ask for his support, telling him the need you feel to validate yourself – even if he thinks it’s unnecessary.

You can tell him that you don’t think you will be happy unless you do this, and how it could potentially put a strain on your happy relationship.

Do make clear to him that you will be able to organise your life in such a way that your studies ( which I suggest you do online ) will not affect him – and that as a more fulfilled woman you will be an even better wife and mother.

I’m sure he’s an intelligent man, and once you have explained it all to him that you will still have lots of time to do all the nice things he’s waited years for – he will come round quickly enough. I believe he just needs a bit of TLC while he’s getting used to the idea – and being the intelligent woman you clearly are – I know you’ll be able to manage this.

Good luck. – Dailymail.