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Dr Chido Rwafa
Mental Wellness
As discussed in previous articles, mental health is defined as a state of well-being in which an individual realises his or her own potential, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a meaningful contribution to their community.
Suicide is one consequence of mental ill health that shortens millions of lives all over the world, resulting in unfulfilled potential and robbing us of precious contributions to our families and societies, affecting many family members and friends of those who die this way.
A few years ago, suicide robbed me personally. I lost someone I loved dearly to suicide after a long battle with depression, after a life sometimes lived with a carefully constructed mask. I was shattered, I still am in many ways.
She was my inspiration, a brave pioneer who had shown me how to push boundaries and shatter glass ceilings. I wish I had told her as clearly and as articulately as I am able to tell myself all this now.
She was loved, she was admired, she was desperately needed and she needed to hear that.
We often become so articulate in describing how a person has impacted us after they are no longer there, such clarity in expressing our emotions in death yet fumbling to do so in life. Perhaps it is the masks that we wear that prevent us from being vulnerable enough to open up and share what we truly feel while people yet live.
Suicide robbed me, robbed our family and our community.
We were thrown unexpectedly into a complex form of grief.
Families of those who have taken their own lives are often called suicide survivors just illustrating the challenges this loss can have.
Mourning after a death from self-harm is difficult. Those left behind are often stigmatised and not permitted to mourn as they would wish, as they need to.
Sometime family members are denied the normal cultural processes that we all need to heal after a death.
Grief is difficult even in the most normal of circumstances but with suicide we are left with so many unanswered questions. We doubt ourselves, we question ourselves, our role in the tragedy, what we could have done differently, what we could have said differently to prevent this.
We question the validity of our grief, we battle with feelings of heart wrenching loss yet also deal with the judgement of others.
How do you grieve such a loss?
Almost a million families have to face life after a family member dies by suicide every year worldwide.
Most of those who die this way are young people. This means a loss of dreams and aspirations never achieved; futures never attained and destinies never fulfilled. It is a loss that robs not only families of loved ones but communities and nations of such potential.
Yet it is a preventable cause of death associated with undiagnosed or poorly managed mental health and psychosocial challenges in many cases.
This is what makes death from suicide so heart-breaking. It can be prevented.
What is suicide and why
does it happen?
Suicide is the deliberate act to harm oneself with the aim to end one’s life.
A suicide attempt is when someone harms themselves with the intent to end their life, but they do not die as a result of that action.
It can happen due to depression and other mental health challenges, difficult losses, traumatic life events, alcohol and substance abuse, difficult relationships and chronic illness or chronic pain.
Suicide happens due to a profound sense of hopelessness, feeling trapped and unable to see any other way out of one’s challenges.
Often those who attempt suicide feel isolated from others. They may feel ashamed of the thoughts they are having to hurt themselves and may unfortunately be stigmatised if they open up and share what they are experiencing.
When we are struggling in this way we may wear masks.
We wear masks to try and help ourselves face our battles in life, hiding what is going on inside, the effects of shattered emotions, crumbling self-esteem and a sense of worthlessness.
Mental health needs to come out of the shadows. We need to change the narrative about our mental and emotional challenges and bring to light what has been deemed shameful in the past.
Our masks are killing us. We need to learn to acknowledge our emotions and our emotional struggles. We need to learn to talk and share our pain. We need to allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough emotionally to connect with others and get the support we need when we are struggling. Strong, healthy relationships in our families and communities can protect us.
As communities we can help prevent suicide by improving access to mental health care, reducing access to lethal means of suicide and building our mental health literacy so that we can identify those at risk of suicide early and getting them the help they need in time.
We can also create safe spaces in our families and communities where those struggling with mental health challenges can open up and ask for help. The theme for the World Mental Health Day in 2022 is to “Make Mental Health and Well-being for All a Global Priority”.
We need to make mental health and well-being a priority for ourselves personally; a priority in our families and a priority in our communities.
For families who have lost loved ones to suicide . . . there is hope.
Richard Tedesch and Lauren Calhaun in the 90s studied the transformative effects of traumatic events like losing someone to suicide.
Loss and trauma can change us for the better, we can learn to make sense of what seems senseless. Pain and trauma can help us get a clearer understanding of ourselves, our relationships, the world we live in and what really matters in life.
Post Traumatic Growth is when trauma survivors gain an appreciation of life and relationships, personal strength, seeing new possibilities in the trauma, and spiritual growth. Death highlights life.
Through loss we are reminded of the need to live intentionally, with purpose, especially with each other.
Life is precious and it is fragile and we can appreciate each day more as we realise this.
May we remember what is truly important in life . . . to love deeply, live with intentionality especially in our relationships, to hold preciously the people in our life, to leave nothing unsaid to them, nothing undone for them.
If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide or self-harm, please contact your nearest health care provider.
l Association of Health Care Funders of Zimbabwe (AHFoZ) article written by: Dr Chido Rwafa Madzvamutse, Consultant Psychiatrist. +263714987729)(www.ahfoz.org; [email protected])
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