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Continued from last week:
A FRUIT course may be served at some point during the meal. This can come with salad, after the main course (often with cheese) or as dessert. In the past it was somehow acceptable to peel your fruit on the dinner table. Things have slightly changed now. A whole fruit should just be split into four (quartered), cut and eaten with knife and fork. Using your teeth to peel and depositing the fruit skins on the table can upset some diners. Attacking your fruit directly on its “stomach” with your teeth should also be avoided. Depending on the fruit, if you are not going to eat the fruit skins and the fruit needs your hand at some point, just make sure it has been cut up into smaller pieces. As much as possible eat your fruit with fork and knife.
Cheese, if it is on the menu, is in most cases served before the dessert course. The server will either bring a tray of cheese or wheel out a cart, suggesting the most suitable choices. Slices of different types of cheese are then arranged on a separate plate for each diner. The cheese is normally eaten with bread but it can also be quite nice if eaten directly with fork and knife. Usually we start with the milder cheeses and progress to the stronger ones.
With dessert, the dessert spoon and fork are placed horizontally above the dinner plate. The fork is used for eating and the spoon as a pusher or vice versa depending on the type of desert. Dessert is taken in very moderate quantities, it’s is not another meal. If the desert is on separate table and dessert you are not familiar with is served on the table, always ask what it is. Do not take things you don’t know only to leave them on the table, with the bow full because you can’t eat them. This is rude. If anything is to be mixed and you are not sure, seek guidance from the server on the table. It is embarrassing when you arrive with a very “unfamiliar concoction” on the table in the name of dessert.
If tea or coffee is part of the meal and the hot pot of coffee or tea is placed on the table and the waiter doesn’t pour, the person nearest the pot should do the honours, filling his own cup last. No matter how hot your beverage is, do not ask for ice to put in your tea or coffee to cool it. Do not labour drinking boiling tea or coffee, you might produce irritating sounds in the process. Be patient. Do not dunk bread, biscuits or anything in your tea or coffee. When these break into your tea or coffee and you are now taking a spoon to eat them from the tea or coffee you may upset other diners.
When you want to excuse yourself to go to the rest room, it is not necessary to say where you are going. You just stand up and say “excuse me, please I will be back.” At times it might be necessary to say where you are going. For example if your phone rings, you may just say,
“Excuse me, let me take this call”. You don’t receive your call on the dinner table; no one wants to hear your stories.
Leaving the dinner table without a word is very rude. You cannot put your lipstick or rearrange your hair on the table, it’s rude again. You feel your want to touch up your lipstick or rearrange your hair, just excuse yourself and go to the rest room. The changes you make on yourself must not be too visible. It’s in order to excuse yourself to pick something warm when temperatures just tumble or remove your jacket when temperatures soar than to sit there and shiver in the cold or dripping in sweat in the heavy jacket.
When you are in a restaurant set up a bill has to be settled. The person who does the inviting does the paying. If you were the invited and the waiter has put the bill on the table, do not grab it to check how much it is. That is not really your business. Leave your host to pick up their bill and pay. Don’t make comments that the bill is too high or too low, that might be the last time you are invited. You are the host and the waiter gives the bill to your guest, kindly ask for it.
A trained waiter knows that they ask who to give the bill to. To be safe, if you are the host, just tell the waiter in advance that the cheque must be brought to you. Tipping is a culture you cannot avoid in most places. In some restaurants, the gratuity is put in the total. It’s a good culture to always tip to show your appreciation for the service offered by the waiter(s).Don’t say that is what they are employed to do and you go without leaving a tip. If it’s in a place where you frequent, tips are the reason why waiters are eager and quick to serve certain people and very slow and depressed to serve others.
Some dinners will have a toast. Now who toasts, when and how? Traditional etiquette says the host offers the first toast. The more informal the occasion, the less this rule applies. At a table with friends, a friend can propose the first toast, as a way of thanking the host for bringing the friends together.
It is important to make sure that all the glasses are filled before toasting. The glasses don’t have to hold champagne or wine or any alcoholic beverage. None drinkers can toast with water, a soft drink or even an empty glass. If the host is toasting, he raises his glass and attracts the crowd’s attention before making his toast. He does not attract everyone’s attention by banging on a glass with a utensil. Be patient when calling for attention. It doesn’t matter how many times you should “May I have your attention please.”
During the toast, when it comes to sitting or standing, do what comes naturally. If it’s in a living room set up where people are seated, the toaster may want to stand and if it is at a dinner table, he might want to remain seated. Sitting or standing will also depend on the number of people. The more the people, the greater the need for the toaster to stand up so that he can be heard. Everyone else and the person being toasted remains seated unless if the toaster asks everyone assembled to “rise and drink to the happy couple…graduate…leader” etc.
The guests will respond by taking sips from their glasses. Do not drain the glass, leave something; there might be another toast before the end of the occasion. If a toast is to be offered at a meal, it usually comes at the very beginning of the meal. Traditional etiquette dictates that the first toast is offered by the host as a welcome to guests and the other toasts offered by others during the dessert course. When toasted, the “toastee” does not stand nor does she drink to herself. All the “toastee” does is sit and smile appreciatively with a “thank you” acknowledgement. The “toastee” can then stand and raise their glass to propose a toast to the host or anyone else she wants to honour.
By the way toasting isn’t confined to meals or special events only. Spontaneous toasts can occur at an informal gathering when such need arises for good wishes or congratulations.
Such are the basics of table etiquette.
Online Reporter