Online Reporter
Laina Makuzha
LOVE by DESIGN
WHAT are some hard truths that actually make life better once you accept them?
This question was posed on a social platform and very interesting points were threading through most responses that I was inspired to join in the conversation.
When it comes to relationships, a hard truth I will not forget is this: never make someone a priority, who only treats or sees you as an option.
It is an instant mismatch and one has to see it in order to tread with caution or disengage entirely if it comes down to it.
What about you? What lessons have you learnt in relationships, or about relationships — whether through this column or through experience and various other means?
Allow me to inspire your genius insights, by sharing some of the responses I found intriguing and worth discussing further. Let me know which ones resonate with you and share the story behind it, if you will:
- “Do not date while you are broke, in terrible shape, miserable, or your life is chaotic. Get your life in order first.”
This one for me is relative and debatable. It is a yes and no for me, all at once. While financial stability is key in building sustainable life and relationships, being broke might be a temporary state of one’s financial standing, which should not necessarily stand in the way of socialising and searching for a meaningful romantic relationship.
Besides, what one might view as being “in terrible shape” might not necessarily be an actual stumbling block, as long as there is a plan, goal being pursued, intentionality and willingness to do better.
- “You should either have a supportive partner or no partner; there is no third option.”
My take is that support is oneness, and is crucial in a relationship, more so in marriage. I would equate it to unity of purpose. A house divided against itself cannot stand, the Bible reminds us.
That is the case in relationships, as much as within oneself. You may have seen it, how difficult it can be to pull forward or have a concrete outcome when the mind is split on a decision. So even within oneself, there has to be harmony, rapport. There needs to be agreement, working together towards a goal or goals.
- “The best revenge is getting yourself to a place where you no longer care about it.”
On this I would say just do you, for you, without ‘revenge’ of any shape or form in mind. Doing something or living your life to prove a point to someone is already too much wasted energy in my view.
Trying to show or prove that you do not care is caring, not so? It means you have that person on your mind often enough, doing things to shake that person out of your life or system.
- “If someone can’t acknowledge their flaws, they lack self-awareness and pose a danger.”
I concur. That screams “red flag” right there. Learning to introspect and admit flaws is vital in relationships. Check yourself kuti uri papi with being a quality individual who adds value not subtracts from others.
If one never takes time to review their own actions and how they show up, how much can we say they really care about how they relate or interact with others?
- “Just because a relationship has lasted a long time doesn’t mean it’s successful.”
True to an extent. I have seen some wonderful folks ruin their lives by holding on to hurtful or toxic relationships just because tabva kure. Unbeknown to them, some of these toxic relationships end in tragedy.
- “Self-respect is derived from self-control, not from pleasing others or seeking external validation.”
I reckon the greatest respect we may desire, is what we practise on ourselves, how we treat ourselves, physically, mentally, emotionally and how we behave or present ourselves, living out our values, even alone when noone is watching.
When we can master this, without words, without the noise of demanding it, self respect and grace will shine through and inspire respect around us.
- “If you always believe your happiness is somewhere else, you will never find it where you are.”
Sometimes we miss amazing things right under our noses while looking over the fence to what appears to be ‘greener pastures’. Explore happiness yacho pauri ipapo first, look for the good, create your own happiness, so that every waking moment you are not missing what you have been blessed with. In other words count your blessings.
- “Life doesn’t wait for you to be okay; get up every day and keep pushing through.” In love and in all else, this can ring true. This does not mean rushing into a relationship for instance, when still reeling from heartbreak. It just means you do not stay down, you still look up, look to the future with hope.
Too many amazing individuals keep themselves locked up in the pain while life is happening around them. They keep rehearsing the pain that devastated them and by so doing,they stall the healing process.
If that is you, my advice is allow yourself to heal, allow yourself to live again,not only live but love boldly, live joyfully.
Something has got to give. As you seek love, or to build your home, strong marriage or relationship, just remember the above. You do not have to have all your ducks in a row to have love and happiness. Start the journey towards it. Get up, show up and shine zvakadaro. Zvinodaira chete.
I would love to hear from you, sharing the lessons you have learnt along your journey of love or from others.
Feedback: Share your thoughts in the comment section or via Whatsapp/SMS:+263719102572/Email: lainanaledimakuzha@ gmail.com
