Chronicle Editor
Andile Tshuma
For many families, the festive season is no happy time at all as it heralds hours of unending torture and Gender based Violence as people over-indulge in drugs and alcohol.
Many women and some men are often let down by their loved ones during this season of merry making due to alcohol abuse.
People subject others to horrific treatment only to blame it on alcohol the following day.
People who are grieving and maybe having their first Christmas without their partner, child, family member or have recently gone through a traumatic event such as a sexual abuse, loss of a loved one, become unemployed and face financial difficulties also have a difficult time during this season and need support.
Christmas is often dubbed ‘the most wonderful time of the year’ but for some the festive season sparks a rise in domestic violence and theft.
With booze flowing and families gathered under one roof, tensions can run high and lead to a spike in domestic violence.
Thefts are also on the rise over the Christmas period as people scramble to get gifts for their children and loved ones that they simply can’t afford.
Experts have warned that Christmas can be the worst time for those subjected to domestic violence as a result of alcohol abuse.
‘‘It happens when households under financial or social stress get together and drink a lot of alcohol,’’ said Chipo Mazango, a local social worker.
“And when you mix stress with alcohol and a bruised male ego, you often get violence. Women and children often have to bear it all, although men are found at the receiving end in some cases as traditional roles in families are changing,” she said.
For most people, Christmas is a time for family reunions, carols by candlelight, church services and lots of food, wine and a haze of Christmas parties. But for others, Christmas is the most feared time of the year. In some houses, it is the time they get to see the annual monster, the time when a mother must endure severe battering and beating because the children gave their father their Christmas Wish lists.
The combination of financial pressure, free-flowing alcohol and being cooped up in closed quarters, exerts additional burden on relationships. In an abusive relationship, this pressure is manifold.
Date rape is another dirty secret that characterises this season. Women go out for parties with ‘trusted’ mates or partners but end up drugged and sexually abused.
The infamous VUZU parties in the city see many girls going home with no idea who did what to them and how. Despite teenagers voluntarily getting themselves into risky behaviour, adult men and women also take advantage of teenagers during this time, buying them nice things, including expensive liquor, watching them get drunk and then use them to their satisfaction. Yet Christmas should be the safest time, celebrating the birth of a Saviour. You wonder if it is still a Christian holiday.
Like many victims of domestic violence, Ms Sihle Nkomo*, (39), dreaded Christmas for years as it brought out the worst in her already abusive husband.
“It’s the hardest time of year. The violence is so much more heart-breaking. Everyone ran around to make sure he didn’t get upset. Even my in-laws were getting scared of him and knew that he had some weird patterns of anger issues.’’
She said with booze on tap, things often spiralled out of control.
“He would drink to enable himself to lose his temper, it was deliberate. Alcohol was an excuse to use violence. He would drink all day and where most people would have dropped unconscious on the floor, he’d carry on. The children would usually be at our parents’ place for the Christmas holidays and we would often be alone. The lights would be on but there would be nobody home. He’d just end up beating me up, after picking on me and being angered by every response to whatever he asked,” Ms Nkomo said.
She said she got the courage to leave him and he then sought help from Enkundleni Men’s forum on Gender and is on the mend.
“We are trying to mend our relationship. We spent this Christmas without family, it was different, I see he is making an effort but I’m still afraid that he will snap and the old him will be unleashed,” she said.
Nkomo is just one of the many women who have no good memories of the festive season as it brings no joy to their households.
Bombarded with images of the perfect family gathered around the gold baubles of a Christmas tree, it can be easy to forget that Christmas is a time of coercion, punishment and violence for many women. Instead of being a time of year to be happy or to be grateful, it becomes a time of year to be on edge.
On top of this, Christmas is often the only time of year that isolated women are around friends and family. This gives rise to the additional angst of hiding injuries from loved ones. As we enjoy the festive season, which is on its peak, let’s be on the look-out for abusers and extend our support to those who have fallen victim. This time can be particularly difficult for them. — @andile_tshuma
Online Reporter