Online Reporter
Rodgers Irimayi
Cultural Perspectives
When the marriage institution is under siege, culture is undermined and the moral fabric threatened.
It is disheartening to note that when marriage breaks down, the negative impact is more pronounced on the woman and children than on the man and other relations.
Our focus this week is on how the woman is affected when divorce occurs.
In the Bible, the book of Malachi 2:16 states that God ‘hates divorce,’ a clear indication that according to God, it is not ideal for married couples to divorce.
The only circumstances and conditions that warrant separation was provided, that is where sexual immorality is involved (Matthew 5:31-32 and 19:3-9).
The rate at which people are divorcing these days is alarming leading those affected to experience various undertones that can be morally disastrous.
The high emotional distress associated with separation may trigger feelings of guilt and shame as the affected carries social stigma.
Our own societal expectations exacerbate toxic marriage situations where there is mounting pressure for women to conform to traditional expectations which regards them as the centre for safeguarding the marriage institution against divorce.
In Shona they say ‘musha mukadzi’, meaning it’s the woman who makes the marriage to work.
No matter how abusive the husband may be, the wife is expected to shock absorb and stay put.
When the marriage finally breaks down, the blame is squarely placed on the woman for failing to protect it.
Reverse after marriage means going through changes in social status, relationships, or friendships.
Some end up going into anti-social behaviour such as alcoholism, drug addiction and sex work.
Whilst men can quickly adjust and move on, women who are faced with the burden of looking after the children, find it difficult to forge ahead.
With our patriarchal society which places emphasis on the importance of men as the head of the family, imagine what happens when that head is no longer present.
The woman is expected then to assume her role as the mother, as well as the roles of the absent father.
A difficult situation which might not adequately fulfill both roles.
The end result might be a child lacking fatherly love and guidance.
After divorce, the woman is faced with stressful financial obligations especially when the father who might already be having another affair, refuses to take responsibility where there are disputes over assets or financial support.
When an unemployed mother is heavily burdened with the need to support the children, due to limited options, she is often forced into a corner which might drive her to ask for financial help from others, tempting her to enter into sex work.
Poverty and power imbalance have led many women and girls into sex work due to the harsh economic situations.
Despite the social stigma, women take sex work as a means for survival to feed their families, pay school fees, or keep a roof over their heads.
The field of sex work has its own dynamics which range from harassment, violence, coercion, exploitation and abuse by men and fellow sex workers.
Sex workers are frequently stigmatized and shamed, with derogatory terms used to describe them, further exacerbating their vulnerability.
When they engage into prostitution, they are faced with the risks of contracting sexually transmitted infections which including HIV/AIDS.
They no longer become the role model models they want as they struggle to hide their behaviour from the children’s eyes.
After staying in marriage for a long time, bearing children and building a home together, divorce can involve a sense of loss and grief.
It shatters all the dreams for a better future and ushers oblivion causing uncertainty leading to lack of confidence.
It can affect mental health caused by anxiety, trauma, depression and stress disorder which can result in some committing suicide.
There are so many stories of men and women who even went on to strangle their children before they ended their own lives.
It is prudent to ensure there is adequate support for women who go through divorce in order to address their emotional, practical, and financial needs.
There is need for affected women to seek professional counselling or therapy since a progressive approach is necessary for adjustment into their new situation.
The Zimbabwean government through the department of Women Affairs, Community, Small and Medium Enterprises, the Social Development and the National Aids Council of Zimbabwe (NAC), has managed to establish support systems to assist such desperate women.
In order for the women to meet others in their circumstances, support groups are established to enable them to connect so that they can share their experiences.
Government also assists them in getting information from financial advisors, lawyers, or career counsellors, to help them navigate their new situation.
They are trained in financial planning, budgeting, saving, and investing, to ensure their financial stability.
With the assistance of development partners, some women get finance assistance to help with living expenses or education costs during the transition period.
Government encourage women to concentrate and focus on their personal growth, empowerment, and well-being, rather than solely on their divorce.
In order to achieve that, they are assisted to acquire life changing skills.
The skills-building program enables them to developing new survival abilities or pursuing education and career opportunities to enhance their economic independence.
Some are trained in tailoring, hairdressing, computers and many farming activities that include poultry, horticulture and livestock.
In order to combat isolation, the affected women are made to see the importance of staying connected with friends and family, and to build new social connections.
They are also encouraged to get involved in social and economic activities in their communities, such as through volunteering or joining clubs, to help them build new relationships and networks.
Although divorce is not encouraged even in the Bible, when the only alternative and way out of a marriage is divorce, there is need for getting comprehensive support for the woman to be able to navigate the challenges of separation and emerge stronger, more resilient, and empowered.
A woman should be able to stand alone after going through all the stresses of divorce.
