Online Reporter
Gabriel Manyeruke
NOT every bully shouts!
Not every toxic friend looks like an enemy.
Sometimes toxicity comes disguised as friendship, popularity, humour or even concern.
A learner whispers, “If you were really my friend, you would do this for me.”
Another insists, “Do not tell anyone what happened.”
Someone laughs at a classmate’s answer and adds, “We were only joking.”
Individually, these moments may seem harmless.
Repeated often enough, however, they can transform a classroom from a learning environment into a place of anxiety, mistrust and emotional exhaustion.
When friendship becomes control
Manipulation begins when friendship turns into a demand for obedience.
A learner may pressure a friend to cheat, lie, exclude someone or join a group simply to remain accepted.
But genuine friendship allows disagreement.
A true friend respects your independence and does not punish you for thinking differently.
When truth becomes negotiable
“I never said that.”
“I was not there.”
“Everyone else was doing it.”
Deception destroys trust. In schools, trust matters — during group work, examinations, sport and ordinary friendships.
Once learners begin doubting one another, cooperation becomes nearly impossible.
When revenge masquerades as justice
Vindictiveness turns hurt into retaliation. A learner is embarrassed and decides to embarrass someone else.
A friendship ends and private information suddenly becomes public.
Revenge may feel satisfying, but it rarely heals.
Forgiveness does not mean approving wrongdoing. It means refusing to let another person’s mistake dictate your character.
Words can shrink confidence
“You are useless.”
“You will never succeed.”
“Everyone is better than you.”
Belittling leaves invisible wounds.
A learner who is constantly mocked may eventually stop answering questions, participating in discussions or taking healthy risks.
Yet mistakes are part of learning. A classroom should be a place where learners can say, “I do not know,” without fear of humiliation.
Taking without giving
Exploitation often hides in group work.
One learner researches, another writes, someone else presents — only for the least hardworking person to claim the greatest credit. That is not leadership.
True leadership does not ask others to carry the burden while one enjoys the applause.
Fear is not respect
“If you do not do it, you will regret it.”
Intimidation may produce obedience, but it cannot produce genuine respect.
Courage does not always mean confronting intimidation alone. Sometimes courage means telling a trusted teacher, parent or school leader what is happening.
Could the toxic person be you?
This is perhaps the hardest question.
Have you excluded someone because they disagreed with you? Mocked a classmate and called it a joke?
Taken credit for another person’s work? Spread a rumour because you were angry? Pressured a friend into doing something uncomfortable?
Toxic behaviour is not always a permanent identity.
Often, it is simply a habit that has gone unchallenged. And habits can change.
Build the classroom you want
Learners can refuse manipulation, reject gossip, give credit where it is deserved, apologise when wrong and stand beside those who are isolated.
Where behaviour becomes threatening, abusive or persistent, seeking help is not weakness — it is wisdom.
Responsibility does not belong only to those who are mistreated. Every learner contributes to the atmosphere of a classroom.
We can become the reason someone dreads coming to school — or the reason they feel they belong.
So the question is not merely, “Who around me is toxic?” It is also: “What kind of person am I becoming in the lives of others?”
Schools prepare learners for more than examinations.
They prepare them for society. And the character we exhibit in the classroom today may become the character we carry into the world tomorrow.
Gabriel Manyeruke is an author and educator at Wise Owl High School in Marondera. Feedback manyeruke4@ gmail.com
