True beauty is deep-rooted

our life? Beauty is explained in different ways.
The way we understand beauty from an early age has a lasting impact on our life and behaviour.

We understand what is beauty and what it is all about through different agencies.
The media is the most dominant of all influences in shaping the way we see and appreciate beauty; radio, television, magazines, etc.
One’s peers can also shape the way they understand beauty. Our partners later in life can also influence the way we feel about beauty.
Thus the way we understand beauty from an early age may shape our view throughout life.

When a child says to you, “you are beautiful”, what is it that they would have seen?
One day I had just finished bathing with my granddaughter, she was four then, she is turning 11 sometime this year. We were applying our lotions, oils and moisturisers and we were singing, she said, “Gogo you can be a cover girl.”

looked at her with a lot of questions and she said, “Yes gogo you can be a cover girl you are beautiful.”

laughed and then I said, “As big as I am Mya. A cover girl?”

She said again confidently, “Yes gogo, you can be a very good cover girl.”
Mya what will I be wearing on the cover.
“A bikini and a bra gogo.”

She was very sure of what she was saying.
“Oh my angel! Who will buy the magazine?”
I asked, “But you can be a very good cover girl gogo, you can.”
I looked at her and I did not believe she wanted me to wear a bikini and a bra and pause in front of a magazine cover.

She looked at me and laughed and again she said, “yes gogo you can be a cover gril.”
Mya did not want to be drawn into augment ‘as big as I am’ and ‘who was going to buy the magazine’ talk, all she wanted was for gogo to be a cover girl because she is beautiful.
She did not want to commercialise gogo by answering who was going to buy the magazine that was not her problem.
Gogo was just supposed to wear a bikini and a bra and be a cover girl full stop.

I was to tell a friend Sarudzayi Chifamba Barnes what Mya had said to me years ago and how I responded and she had this to say; “A child is influenced by parents, grandparents, playgrounds etc.
For your granddaughter to see a big sized African woman as beautiful, as compared to western beauty that sees thin and slim women as beautiful, it shows the influence of her environment on her.
She was celebrating what was around her, what she sees everyday, not what other people tell her.
You were actually confusing her when you defined beauty in the western context to her.

It should be a lesson to us all to celebrate what we have, and not to aspire to be foreign in the eyes of our own people and children.
We should define our own beauty, after all “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.”
She continued: “Although women on the cover of magazines portray western type of images, she did not relate to them.

“She does not know those people it is you whom she know, it is not just about your physical beauty but a lot to do with what you are to her, it is a whole lot of other things about you and about her environment.”
What Sarudzayi said is confirmed by the Bronfrebrenner (1979), ecological theory, which argues that children are influenced by the environment around them.

Bronfrebrenner came up with environmental layers, which include the influence of family (macrosystem), playground, schools (microsystem), parents’ jobs, government policy (exosystem) and influence of time/generations (chronosystems).
Our socialisation and the images we see when growing up have a lasting impact on us. When I was growing up I had always wanted to look like my mother who was light in complexion and I asked her one day if she could buy me some ambi, she asked me why I wanted to apply ambi on my face.
I said to her I wanted to be as beautiful as she was and she said to me, “You are beautiful, being light in complexion does not mean beauty.”

She introduced me to a mosturiser that I used since the 70’s up until the 90’s (The moisturiser tends not to work properly when one reaches a certain age).
My mother told me that this moisturiser would feed my skin and not peel it off as the skin lightening cream would do. Yes for the years I used it, it did just that; fed nutrients to my skin.
I changed to another moisturiser, which fed my skin and not peel it.
Since my mother told me that I was beautiful in my complexion, I never thought of bleaching my skin to be light in complexion like she was.

There were quite a number of those who lived in my area who used skin lightening creams and they did not understand why I did not want to look ‘more beautiful’ by using lightening creams.
The media then encouraged the use of skin lightening creams and light skin was associated with being beautiful.
I feel so much pain when I see a sister who has peeled their brown/black beauty skin, but some tell me they use skin lightening because of some skin problems, but some are very honest as they say that they can not stand their dark skins.

They are also white people who tan their skin because they can not stand the whiteness. There is nothing wrong about enhancing one’s beauty as long as you do not look down upon yourself as it has detriment effects to your inner self.
Outside beauty has to go hand in hand with inner beauty to bring a whole person.
Since time immemorial women have gone all out to make themselves look more beautiful as it helps to raise confidence levels. Long time ago women did all sorts of things to look beautiful.

They would have incisions on the face, done in a stylish way, some of the incisions would be on the thighs these were to guide a man during play.
The incisions are usually covered and if a man goes beyond the incisions, a woman would have allowed him to go into that very private space.
The incisions are done in such a way that they are bumpy and when playing with them its fun and ticklish, once the hand of the man go past the incisions he would be heading towards a very sacred

place, which he has to leave for a while and go to another decorated part the waistline.
Women would decorate this part of the body with beads, to enhance their beauty and for their sexuality, when the men plays with the beads a woman felt and the beads also provided music.
The incisions and beads could also be played with simultaneously which helped a woman to get ready for the big thing. We have also discussed about ribbons in past articles and how they enhance

women’s beauty and also would be used during playtime.
When I discussed this issue I was attacked by some readers as they saw it as being done to please men, this was/is also for the benefit of the woman to get maximum satisfaction during playtime.
This shows how Africans and Bantu tribes were liberal as far as women were concerned, it is through women’s sexuality that one can tell how a tribe or nation related with women.

Women could express their beauty and their sexuality, they were not oppressed they had their space in their societies.
Men would also decorate themselves to appeal to women in traditional African set up. Another way of enhancing beauty was the wearing of bangles and earrings.

Today women wear earrings all over the body in different places.
Girls would compete for bangles as this was a way of showing how enterprising one was. Peer pressure can also force a person to confirm to certain standards regarding beauty.
Spouses also can contribute to how one feels about oneself.

Feeling good about yourselves helps to raise confidence levels, but if one has to look good solely to please their spouse then they might reduce their confidence levels and will not feel good about themselves inside.

A woman wrote a letter wanting to understand how to define beauty.
When she married her husband she was slim but now she has grown big.

She was worried about the comments her husband made about her body and the issue of her weight brought unhappiness in their lives.
She worked hard and lost weight but this did not change the husband’s attitude, there is so much unhappiness in the marriage that she does not know what to do.

I spoke to some big sized women who seem to be happy in their bodies and in their marriages and they felt one should lose weight because she wants to and not because of her husband, it becomes a strain doing it for someone.
Whether you prefer to be a big size or a small size make sure you exercise and stay fit.

You can also be your own cover girl, put on that bikini and bra and look yourself in the mirror and say, ‘I am beautiful’.
True beauty is inside and the outside is the mirror.