Online Reporter
Ah sisi, ah mfowethu, welcome back to Bra Binzy’s corner. Same streets, same mess, same brutal honesty. Here we do not whisper facts or sugarcoat nonsense. We read the letters as they come and respond like life does, hard, fast and honest.
THE VIRGIN, THE TEACHER AND THE KEY TO THE COTTAGE
Dear Bra Binzy
Bra, I am gutted. I am a 26-year-old virgin and an SDA church member. I have been engaged to this 20-year-old girl from my church for the past year. We are supposed to get married this year.
The girl is a teacher in the rural areas. We promised each other that we would be pure until after the wedding. No hugs, kisses, sex or unclean language. I would visit this girl at her school during some weekends and at night she would secure a place for me to sleep at a male colleague’s cottage. The guy would go out to party the whole night, leaving me alone at the cottage.
Last week, one of the girl’s relatives shattered my world. She said I am a nice guy and her relative does not deserve me. She showed me screenshots and made me listen to voice notes between my fiancée and her male colleague who used to accommodate me. The two are apparently lovers who have sex every day at school.
They made a fool out of me. I would be sleeping at the guy’s cottage while he would be having sex with my fiancée.
At first I wanted to kill this guy and my girlfriend. Now I am confused because I love this girl. She is a humble person and she apologised and admitted everything when I confronted her. She said it was my choice to go ahead with the wedding or break up. What should I do?
− Heartbroken and confused, Kwekwe
Bra Binzy responds
Ah mfowethu, first things first, breathe. Anger makes stupid ideas sound clever. Nobody deserves to die because they could not keep their zip up.
Now let us talk facts. You were not betrayed by desire, you were betrayed by planning. This was not a mistake. This was a system. The cottage was booked, the nights were arranged, and the lies were smooth.
Love does not survive on apologies alone, mfowethu. Trust needs bones. Yours were broken and she handed you the hammer. Humble people do not run double lives. Honest people do not park their fiancé in a spare bed while they warm someone else’s sheets.
Her giving you the choice is not kindness, it is relief. She wants you to carry the decision so she can sleep at night.
If you marry her, you marry the story too. Every late meeting will stress you. Every locked phone will itch your chest. That is no life. Walk away clean, mfowethu. Keep your faith, keep your dignity. Virginity is not your problem here. Betrayal is. Cry it out, heal properly and move on.
WHATSAPP NEIGHBOUR
FROM HELL
Dear Bra Binzy
My husband is cheating on me with my married neighbour. I stumbled on WhatsApp chats that show the neighbour literally throwing herself at him until he gives in. This thing has affected me deeply. How do I confront him and set things right?
– Devastated
Bra Binzy responds
Ah sisi, stop acting like you only watched half the movie. Your husband did not slip and fall into cheating. He replied. He entertained. Screenshots do not flirt by themselves.
Yes, the neighbour is wild and disrespectful, but your husband opened the door and switched on the lights.
Confront him when you are calm, not crying, not shaking. Calm is scary.
Tell him what you saw and what you expect. Do not negotiate reality. Ask for accountability, not excuses. Fixing this means transparency, cutting contact and counselling. If he fights you on that, ah sisi, that is already your answer.
Marriage is not a crime scene you clean alone. Respect must be enforced or it disappears.
THE LOBOLA THAT
BOUGHT A LIE
Dear Bra Binzy
I paid lobola last year and my girlfriend moved in. Now she says she needs space to find herself and is staying with a cousin. I later discovered she is posting loved up pictures with another guy in a different town. When I ask, she says I am controlling. Should I fight for her or let her go?
– Devastated
Bra Binzy responds
Ah mfowethu, space to find herself usually means space to be found by someone else. Let us not pretend here.
Lobola is not a subscription fee for disrespect. Love does not hide in another town while posting happiness online.
Fighting for someone who already chose differently turns you into a volunteer victim. Call it. Calmly. Collect your dignity and your lesson. Next time, watch actions more than promises and silence more than sweet talk.
Bra Binzy’s
final word
Ah sisi, ah mfowethu, love is not blind, it just ignores red flags and hopes they are decorations. Stop hoping. Start choosing yourself. If someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time and walk away standing straight.
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