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Habit #4. Over-thinking
Once there was a boy in a village who was troubled by the habit of not being able to forget the old bad memories.
He was not able to stop thinking about the same thing over and over again.
When someone tells him something bad then he starts thinking of that incident all day. The same thing went in his brain every time.
Then he either cursed him or his luck for the incident. Due to over-thinking, he did not have friends nor did he know how to do any work well.
One day, one of the villagers advised him to visit a zen (a sect of Mahayana Buddhism that aims at enlightenment by direct intuition through meditation) in the nearby village.
He went to meet the zen and told him all his problems. After listening to the boy’s problem the zen got up and went inside the monastery.
The boy was confused but after some time the zen comes towards him with a glass of water. The zen asked the boy what was the weight of the glass.
The boy replied that it was a little. Then the zen asked the boy if he held the glass of water for an hour then what would happen.
The boy said he would feel a little heavy. Again, the zen asked what would happen if he held the glass of water for a day. The boy replied that his hand will start paining.
The zen said, “ok son, now answer the last question, “Did the weight of the glass change in the meantime?”
The boy said, “No the weight did not increase.”
Now the zen asked, “What will I do to ignore the pain?”
The boy said by putting the glass down.
Zen said: “Exactly, this is what life troubles are. If you keep the problem in your mind for some time, then you will feel ok but if you keep thinking again and again for a day then your mind will make you nervous and crazy.”
Difference between thinking and over-thinking
Where do you draw the line?
That is the important question. Dr J Christopher Fowler, director of professional wellness at Houston Methodist, says there was a difference between thinking normally and over-thinking.
“Brains are amazing processors that make conscious and subconscious decisions upwards of 35 000 times per day.”
Careful analysis and scrutiny can improve some choices, but if we get caught up in analysing every potential outcome, due diligence can lead to excessive worrying and decision paralysis,” explains Dr Fowler.
What is over-thinking
Over-thinking means you question everything. You question what the other person thinks of you.
You question what you think of them, their actions, the situation, or the scenarios that could happen.
It means you think about what will happen tomorrow or the next day or next week. You think about it to the point that it consumes us and it drives us mad.
Overthinking means you think and think and think and never act on anything.
You think of the worst-case scenarios and then you start overthinking how to fix those worst-case scenarios and you get stuck in a never-ending cycle.
Overthinking causes most unhappiness in life. Overthinking is the process of taking a simple problem and amplifying it to be more complex by obsessing over it. Overthinking leads to a negative state of mind and you will never be happy in that state of mind.
Over-thinking tell-tell signs:
There are so many warning signs that show that you are now over-thinking and below is a comprehensive but not an exclusive sign that you are over-thinking;
Dwelling on past events or situations
Second-guessing decisions you have made
Replaying your mistakes in your mind
Rehashing challenging or uncomfortable conversations
Fixating on things you cannot control, change or improve
Imagining the worst-case scenario or outcome
Following your worries out of the present moment and into an unchangeable past or unforeseeable future
“Running your list”; while trying to fall asleep
Questioning but never making a decision or taking action
Destructive Thought Patterns
Over-thinking often involves two destructive thought patterns—ruminating and incessant worrying.
Ruminating covers dwelling on the past. Thoughts may include things like:
I should not have said those things at the meeting yesterday.
Everyone must think I am an idiot.
I should have stayed at my last job. I would be happier than I am now.
Persistent worrying involves negative —often catastrophic—predictions about the future. Thoughts may include things like:
I am going to embarrass myself tomorrow when I give that presentation. I know I am going to forget everything I am supposed to say.
Everyone else will get promoted before me.
I know I will not ever have enough money to retire. I will be too sick to work and I will run out of money.
Over-thinking makes you miserable
Over-thinking kills happiness and consequently threatens your productivity.
People pass their whole life just overthinking, and miss the happiness, the pleasure, the beauty that god gave them.
Over-thinking kills your happiness and meaning. A mind that is constantly overthinking, tends to focus on the negative and affect the positive.
An over-thinking mind can be responsible for a lot of psychological disorders like stress, anxiety, depression, social phobia, and panic attacks. It can also result in you feeling hopeless and self-pity.
The worst part is you cannot help but think. This blog is all about how to stop over-thinking and be a happier person.
Like all habits, changing your destructive thought patterns is not easy. It requires great commitment and consistent practice. You can train your brain to think differently.
In the next article I am going to discuss with you how you can deal with overthinking. Do not miss this column for a continuation.
To be continued…
Arthur Marara is a corporate law attorney, keynote speaker, corporate and personal branding speaker commanding the stage with his delightful humour, raw energy, and wealth of life experiences. He is a financial wellness expert and is passionate about addressing the issues of wellness, strategy and personal and professional development.
Arthur is the author of “Toys for Adults”; a thought provoking book on entrepreneurship, and “No one is Coming”; a book that seeks to equip leaders to take charge.
Feedback: [email protected] or Visit his website www.arthurmarara.com or contact him on WhatsApp: +263780055152 or call +263772467255.
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