Why do people abandon children with disabilities?

Robin Muchetu, Senior Reporter

“WHEN my daughter Andile was just about three years old, I really wanted to know what I could do to help her and I also wanted to get a lot of information about her condition (Down’s Syndrome). Someone referred me to St Francis Home in Bulawayo and I went to assess the situation and see what the home was about. I then thought to myself, why must I leave my daughter to be cared for by another person when I am there. I have not looked back since. Andile is now 37 years old and I live with her”.

This was Ms Sibonisiwe Mazula, the co-ordinator of Zimbabwe Down’s Syndrome Association, who after giving birth to a child with Down’s Syndrome, initially did not know what to do to help her child live a comfortable life despite her disability. While homes offer care for children born with disabilities, the role of parents can never be over-emphasised as they are part of the people who aid in the rehabilitation of the children.

St Francis Home in Bulawayo is one such home that offers shelter to children with severe to profound learning and physical disabilities, however, they face the challenge of parents and guardians who never return to check on their children after they are admitted. Officials at the home say in most cases, children are left behind by parents and guardians who never return to check on them. Mrs Mazula said the single most pronounced reason is stigma and discrimination starting from the immediate families.

“Basically, what parents do when they realise that they have a child that is now a burden to them or relatives are making it impossible for the parents because of stigma and discrimination, they do not know what to do and the best they can do is to “get rid” of the child as soon as they can.

“They look for a place where they can dump their children. These are places like St Francis Home that absorb their pressure but we can’t blame them. Parents drop off their children for care and promise to come back and they never do. They go for good. It is very sad because the home can’t do anything about it and probably, they try to contact the parents and guardians of that child and they are nowhere to be found. Some use fake addresses and phone numbers.”

Ms Mazula said while caring for a special needs child can be a handful, it is important to try and raise them from a facility where the child has contact with their family daily.

“I have parents who ask me about boarding facilities where they can school their children with disabilities. I discourage them from the boarding setup because I know these parents dump their children and never go back to see them. I actually encourage them to take them to day schools and centres that offer specialised care for children with disabilities. That way there is a relationship that grows between the parent and child,” she added.

Communities have also been fingered as fuelling stigma and are not helping much by encouraging their neighbours and relatives to look after their children personally.

“At times they call them different names. They become the laughing stock and at the end of the day, the parents don’t know where to go and their last option is to take them to a home and forget about them. This is not happening in Zimbabwe only but all over the world. I lived in Europe and witnessed the same trend where parents dump their children and never return and that child is never visited by anyone.

These children need family love like all other children,” she said.

Children with disabilities need a family environment as it said it is easier for them to adapt to a family setup rather than being confined to a home. Ms Mazula said as a parent who lives with a child with a disability, it is recommended to be in their presence as much as possible and engage in activities like taking the child to church where they see other children and interact with them.

Ms Mazula said it was her wish that St Francis Home and many others that have live-in facilities for children with disabilities to establish a day-care facility where children can be picked up and dropped off daily from their homes. However, in some cases, there are parents from far away who need their children to be kept there as they can’t commute daily.

“For many, they leave those children with relatives who can’t afford to take the children to special schools so the best they can do is to leave them at a home. Some are under a lot of pressure and they make the decision to leave a child at a children’s home rather than care for them on their own. Some, however, are mothers who need to be at the market early in the morning to buy some vegetables for reselling, they have other children who need to be cared for and then also care for a child with a disability of a complex nature. So, some parents, especially single parents, find it very difficult to handle, hence they prefer to take a child to a home where they can be looked after on a permanent basis,” she added.

In some instances, some caregivers to the children would be too old to continue caring for those children who have disabilities and they worry about who will care for the child in the unfortunate event of their death. Their next best option is to commit the child to a home.

Family set-ups in some cases also serve as a push factor to have children abandoned in care homes where they can be kept and issues around superstition take centre stage when a child is born differently.

“I’m not saying a home is not an ideal place to have children but a family unit is always best for the child to grow up in. It is really difficult sometimes to pinpoint why some parents run away from their children with disabilities and do not want to be associated with their children. In first-world countries, there is everything one would need in terms of resources to care for children with disabilities but they still dump them. It’s a complex issue that I have never really got any answers to. At least in Africa, there is the extended family where sometimes these children end up finding a family to live with,” said Ms Mazula.

Parents with children with disabilities in Zimbabwe are being sensitised on disability and some now understand that disability is not by choice and that those children have a purpose.

“I’m glad that some young parents who are giving birth to children with disabilities are beginning to accept and look after their children even if families discriminate against them. Thanks to the sensitisation from organisations that deal with issues around disability,” she added.  – @NyembeziMu