Online Reporter
Gabriel Manyeruke
GROWING up in the village, I watched elders prepare their fields before the rains arrived.
They removed weeds, cleared stones and enriched the soil, understanding that no seed thrives in neglected ground.
Yet when it comes to raising children, we often ignore this natural wisdom.
We bring up children in toxic environments and expect them to flourish.
Many adults assume children do not notice what happens around them, believing that shouting matches are forgotten by morning.
They tell themselves the child sleeping in the next room is unaware of the violence, insults or tension hanging heavily in the home.
But children notice everything.
They hear doors slammed in anger, watch fathers strike mothers and witness mothers unleash bitterness on fathers.
They observe the hostility following separation and divorce as parents use children as weapons in battles they never started.
They endure constant criticism, beatings for minor mistakes and words that cut deeper than any weapon ever would.
A child may not understand adult problems, but they understand fear.
Survival versus living
For many children, home is not a sanctuary; it is a battlefield.
Some wake up uncertain whether there will be food on the table, while others walk to school carrying the burden of unpaid fees, torn uniforms and the shame of lacking what their peers take for granted.
Many have never heard words of encouragement from the very people whose approval they seek most.
In such environments, childhood becomes less about growing and more about surviving.
Instead of developing confidence, children develop defence mechanisms.
They become hyper-vigilant, learning to read moods and anticipate danger.
They silence their emotions because expressing them attracts punishment and they become people-pleasers not from kindness, but from a desperate need to avoid conflict.
What appears to be resilience is often just a child adapting to circumstances they should never have endured.
The self-persisting cycle
The tragedy of childhood trauma is that it does not always end with childhood.
The boy raised on violence may come to mistake fear for respect and the girl raised amidst rejection may spend her adult life searching for validation.
Those who grow up unloved often struggle to give the love they never received.
Without healing, pain reproduces itself. The anger, neglect and emotional wounds passed from one generation to another become an inheritance no child deserves.
Yesterday’s victim unknowingly becomes tomorrow’s wounded parent, and the cycle continues beneath a different roof.
Breaking the inheritance
The greatest inheritance parents can pass to their children is not land, cattle, money or property, but an emotional legacy.
When wounds remain unhealed, they travel silently from one generation to the next, forcing children to inherit storms they did not create and battle conflicts that were never theirs.
That is why healing is never selfish; it is an act of love. Before bringing a child into the world, we must first confront the pain within ourselves and become custodians of peace.
Every child deserves more than just food, clothing and education.
Every child deserves a home where love is louder than anger, where kindness speaks louder than fear and where they are free to grow without carrying scars they never chose to bear.
Gabriel Manyeruke is an author and educator at Wise Owl School in Marondera. Feedback [email protected]
