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Lenox Lizwi Mhnlanga
Writing about women is a tricky endeavour. It’s like walking a thin line hung over the Victoria Falls gorge. It is very difficult to write positively about females without raising the temperature of males and vice versa.
Yet, life is all about taking risks and without doing so one achieves little or nothing.
Even John Gray was motivated to write the bestselling, Men are from Mars, Women from Venus. We are yet to know why he wrote it in the first place.
The so-called Battle of the Sexes seems to have no bounds. For centuries we (meaning males) have maintained the impression that there are things only men can do.
That myth has been blown to bits with women now wondering if there is any use for men at all — except perhaps for the unique process of procreation. The danger of men becoming extinct should be taken as seriously as global warming.
A comedian once said that behind every successful man is a baffled woman. The implication being that with a wife’s intimate knowledge of her husband’s weaknesses, it’s a miracle that men can achieve anything if left to their own devices.
Unbelievable as it might seem, there are men out there who appreciate the fact that the creation of Eve was a stroke of genius on God’s part.
Without the feminine touch there is disorder.
However, having said all this about women admittedly to placate the female species and to be found politically correct by the editor, I would hold my breath when it comes to what I will call the psychology of the handbag.
Men will never understand the attachment women have to their handbag. Far from being the fashion item it is purported to be, it’s an enigma. The handbag represents everything about a woman and more. It’s about the capacity to hold so many different things but not being sure when to use them.
This explains why it becomes so difficult for women to locate things they have unconsciously chucked into their handbags. Women take ages in finding an irritatingly ringing cellphone, car keys, the code to unlocking nuclear weapons (with apologies to Mrs Obama) diaries, make-up kit, pins, needles . . . take your pick.
I am one of those convinced that the person who will invent a gadget that makes it easy for women to locate items in their handbags would be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.
Apart from eliminating one of the most contentious issues between males and females, we would hear much less of the frustrated expression, “I’m sure I put it in my handbag!”
A husband once remarked that the way his wife misplaced things in her handbag, he feared that she would lose the Mini Cooper he bought for her birthday . . . IN HER HANDBAG! Never mind the keys.
In the age where we now have women presidents, we shudder where we are heading if women were to manage countries the same way they did their handbags.
But then in the large scheme of things handbags and clueless males fade into the cacophony that is the struggle of everyday life.
As positions that used to be exclusively male are ‘feminised’, there is the grim reality that the male species, as we know it, could be headed for extinction.
Just to balance things a bit, I decided to share this from a friend. I don’t want to be held responsible for what it might cause both on the domestic front and elsewhere.
To cut a long story short, here is what TC says.
Men! What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President. You can never get pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to the park . . . you can wear NO shirt to the park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another petrol station toilet because this one is just too dirty.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress: $5,000.00.
Suit rental: $100.00.
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is not only appreciated by your friends, but practically expected. New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
You have one mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks and guns and beer.
A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one colour for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Finally, you can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes flat. No wonder men are happier, if women can allow it.
Online Reporter