Online Reporter
Dear Amai, I am a 49-year-old man married to a woman aged 46. We are blessed with two children.
We are good friends with a couple from our church, also in their 40s. They own a plot outside the city and the projects they undertake on the land are admirable. My wife and I often visit the place to refresh and unwind.
She has, on many occasions, spoken highly of the plot and the good work being done there. Based on her enthusiasm, I decided to surprise her by buying a nearby plot (half a hectare) that was up for sale.
After everything was paid for, without her knowledge, I took my wife to see the place. I was shocked to hear her say she does not want to run a plot.
She said she would have been happy if I had opened a boutique for her, instead. With this sudden shift, I do not know what to do. Please advise. Should I sell the land?
Response
Dear writer, thank you for writing in. It is refreshing to hear of couples that go on road trips together with their friends.
Well done for organising the surprise, although it did not go down as intended.
Personally, I think the plot is handy. I advise you to sit down with your wife and convince her how important and profitable this property could be.
Instead of selling it, make good use of it. You can make money from it then use the proceeds to pour into whatever else she wants. Do not do anything hurriedly.
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A friend in need
How are you, Amai? I hope I find you well. I am a 36-year-old married man with a family of my own.
My best friend was about to be fired from his job for misappropriating funds and he pleaded with me for help.
I felt pressured to act quickly and loaned him US$2 000 behind my wife’s back.
I had to borrow the money myself to help him urgently, which is why I did not tell her. To this day, I feel guilty about that secret.
He promised to settle the debt within a fortnight, but he never paid back.
As a result, we fell out; we do not talk or visit each other anymore, and this truly breaks my heart because he was very dear to me.
It has now been a year since this happened. He has since bought a new car but ignores his obligation to me.
I even had to sell some of my golf equipment to pay back the money I borrowed on his behalf. Amai, what should I do? I am truly fed up and the guilt is weighing on me.
Response
I am very well, thank you for asking. Your letter made for a very sad read. Well done for being such a considerate friend.
Unfortunately, your friend has demonstrated that he is untrustworthy and irresponsible — but life goes on.
That said, he should not get away with murder.
My gut tells me that you feel guilty for not having told your wife, and that is because you are a good man.
I strongly suggest you tell her the whole truth. You need to set yourself free and clear your conscience.
This is not something you can resolve alone. Engage your friend and make him commit to a payment plan. It is not just about the money — it is about principles.
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Am I being petty?
I am a single mother aged 43 and I have been unlucky in love. My son graduated from university this year.
I had a messy breakup with his father and since then, I have never wanted to speak to him. My parents advised me to make amends for the sake of the child, but I never did.
I hold a degree and I am gainfully employed.
My parents have organised a graduation party for my son at a private venue. His list of invited guests includes his father and stepmother, and I do not think I can stand that.
When I asked him why he invited them, he said he would be happy to have both his parents present and that he also wants a photo of the three of us together. This is a tall order for me and I am struggling with how to handle it. How can I avoid this situation?
Response
Greetings, dear writer. To me, it appears you never moved on. I think your parents gave you very sound advice way back.
If you have a child together, you are linked for life.
I do not see any problem in letting the father and his wife attend.
You need to let go and enjoy the party. Your son has done well and must be celebrated.
Your parents have gone an extra mile to organise the party, so do not let your attitude dampen the day. It is, after all, just a single day. I would be happy to hear from you again.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
