YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS UP!

Chinhoyi farmer’s extreme solution to cattle trespassing

IN what can only be described as a drastic response to a common rural nuisance, police have arrested 32-year-old Lloyd Gwenhere after he allegedly turned a simple cattle dispute into a scene straight out of a horror movie.

The victim? Nine-year-old Munyaradzi Shumba, whose crime, if you can call it that, was letting cattle wander where they should not. Now, we all know farmers take their crops seriously. A stray cow munching on your maize can ruin your season faster than a Zesa (Zimbabwe Electricity Supply Authority) blackout.

But Gwenhere seems to have skipped the usual steps like yelling, chasing the animals away or even complaining to the boy’s parents, and went straight for . . . well, let us just say his disgusting solution.

According to the police, little Munyaradzi was found with injuries so horrifying that even seasoned officers needed a stiff drink afterwards. His stomach was ripped open, his neck and left hand were slashed, and, most disturbingly, his private parts were missing.

At this point, one has to wonder: Did the suspect think he was butchering a goat? But children are not livestock.

Witnesses claim Gwenhere was seen assaulting the boy earlier that day at Chogi Farm after the cattle trespassed into his field.

Now, we are no legal experts, but dismemberment is generally frowned upon as a disciplinary measure.

Let us break this down logically.

Somewhere between an “annoyed farmer” and “Hannibal Lecter”, Gwenhere took a wrong turn. And not the kind you correct with a U-turn. The community is, understandably, traumatised. Parents are now side-eyeing every grumpy farmer with a hoe, wondering if their kids’ next missteps will result in the re-enactment of a “Saw” movie.

Meanwhile, legal experts are debating whether Gwenhere will face murder charges or if his defence will argue “temporary bovine-induced insanity”.

The police, for their part, have assured the public that Gwenhere is in custody and will not be “disciplining” anyone else anytime soon.

Small comfort for Munyaradzi’s family, who are now left to mourn a child whose biggest mistake was not herding cattle well enough.

If your crops get trampled, maybe just talk to the kid’s parents. Or, if you are feeling extra, take the matter to the village court. But for the love of all things sane, do not turn into a rural horror villain.

The image of a carefree boy, whistling as cattle lumbered behind him, makes the brutality of his death even more jarring. What should have been an ordinary day, perhaps with some scolding for inattentiveness, became his last.

There is a particular cruelty in how the world keeps turning after such loss. The sun still rises over Chogi Farm. The cattle still need herding. But one minder, one bright, young life, is gone.

And for what? A trampled crop? A moment’s rage? Some questions have no answers, only grief.