Online Reporter
Youth Focus with Dr Manners Msongelwa
TRYING to please everyone means to constantly strive to make every person around you happy, often by putting their needs and desires above your own, even if it means compromising your own happiness or well-being.
You cannot always be there and you don’t always need to be there for everyone. Stay true to yourself.
Figure out who you are and what you want, instead of trying to be the person that people expect you to be depending on their role in their life.
Trying to please every single person in your life will stretch you to the point of utter exhaustion. It’ll also leave you grossly unfulfilled.
Someone who tries to meet the needs of everyone else will have nothing left over to have their own needs met. So, it’s not only impractical, it’s also depleting. It can’t be done.
No matter how hard you try, someone is not going to be happy. So, remain yourself. You can’t please everyone and that’s okay. We have to live with the fact that not everyone may be your “cup of tea”. Learning how to say “no” is hard. But if you keep saying “yes” and screaming “no” on the inside, you’re really only hurting yourself.
Ways to stop being a people pleaser
Learning how to say NO
Saying “no” is basically disappointing someone and people pleasers hate that. They hate disappointing anyone. But the fact of the matter is, every time you say “yes” to someone, you are basically saying “no” to yourself. You’re compromising what’s actually important to you.
Learn to say no, even if it’s the hard thing to do. You will benefit from that in the end. Say “no” to the “friend” that you no longer want to hang out with.
Say “no” to the peer pressure that you’re getting at school. And say “no” if you truly believe in something when someone else is telling you otherwise. Be true to yourself.
Don’t be the person who says “yes” and is then screaming “no” on the inside.
Get clear on your values
Recognise your values and don’t compromise them for someone else. We all have a set of values. If you feel like you’re compromising some of them, pull them out. Write them down and be true to them.
Always be your authentic self
Not everyone is going to love your authentic self. People are going to judge you for who you are. People pleasers tend to stray away from their authentic selves just to please others. Remain true to yourself and don’t be ashamed of your identity. Don’t copy anyone.
Remember, you are special in your own way.
Dr Manners Msongelwa is an author, teacher and youth coach. He can be contacted on +263771019392
