Online Reporter
Laina Makuzha-LOVE by DESIGN
ICAME across a poster which read: “Your partner is a reflection of you: Invest wisely”, and it gripped my attention! I was not sure at first glance, if I agreed or disagreed with this position.
Have you ever stopped to think about the kind of partner you are attracting into your life?
In negotiating our way in the maze of relationships, it is critical to recognise that the people we attract often mirror our own values, habits and energy. I realise how one may vehemently protest this claim and with reason, but hang with me as we dive into what this means and how you can invest wisely in your relationships.
Another quote in the same week that I found thought provoking said: “You attract people by the qualities you display. You keep them by the qualities you possess” — which, if remotely accurate, would resonate with the old Shona adage: “Rinonyenga rinowarara, rinosimudza musoro rawana”. My loose translation would be: people display certain qualities to attract a partner, then reveal their true colours when they have secured the partner (or married them).
How many times are people surprised or perplexed by the calibre of mates they attract?
Sometimes during the intricate relationships journey, a pattern begins to emerge, where it seems one always winds up with a certain type of partner. Perhaps if we paid a little more attention to what qualities we display and possess, I reckon we could work towards a better version of ourselves and break the “cycle” of mismatches and the pain that goes with them.
I have observed that way too many folks find themselves in relationships, marriages that are a far cry from what they had hoped for and find themselves asking the question: “How did I get here?” However with a few changes to your approach, that cycle can be a thing of the past.
Power of reflection
According to relationship expert Esther Perel, “The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.”
This statement underscores the importance of choosing a partner who resonates with our own ethos and vision. When we surround ourselves with people who share our values and passions, we are more likely to experience deep fulfilment and growth.
Dr John Gottman, another renowned relationship expert, emphasises the importance of building a strong foundation of trust, intimacy, and communication in relationships.
He notes, “Trust is built in very small moments.” This highlights the need to cultivate healthy habits and patterns in our relationships from the outset.
I hardly tackle any topic without leaning in to the great source, the Bible, for some wisdom.
It does have incredible love stories and valuable insights into the kind of partner we should strive to be and attract. In 2 Corinthians 6:14, we are reminded, “Do not be yoked together with those who do not love the Lord.” Some versions say “unbelievers”. Whether or not one is a follower of Christ, the principle here rings true. The verse emphasises the importance of shared values and spiritual alignment in relationships. When we prioritise our faith and values, we are more likely to attract someone who shares our vision and ethos.
Investing wisely in relationships: what does that even mean? This week’s article may not be for everyone, but for someone who is looking for ways to attract the right partner, or someone who is saying I am tired of attracting counterfeits and need to understand why this has been happening or how to break that cycle and create a relationship to love and cherish.
So how then can you ensure you attract a partner who resonates with your values and vision? See if these few tips I found, may strike a cord in you:
i) Know who you are and what you stand for: Take time to know ‘know thyself’ — understand your own values, passions, and goals. When you are clear about what you want, you are more likely to find it easier to sift through your options and not accept the first available individual but attract someone who shares your vision.
II) Boundaries boundaries boundaries!: — I cannot say this enough. Please establish healthy boundaries and prioritise self-care because no one else will do it for you. Setting boundaries will help you attract someone who respects and values you for who you are.
III) Communicate effectively: Practise open, honest and respectful communication, even where you feel the individual or type of relationship does not tally with your values or what you are looking for or desiring. In some cases it is possible to work through your differences and come out victorious, ready to move forward together after all. Clear communication will help you build a strong foundation of trust and intimacy with your partner. Be someone who can also handle honesty and constructive criticism coming from the other person.
IV) Look for shared values: Prioritise shared values and passions when evaluating potential partners. This will help you build a strong connection and ensure you are both working towards common goals.
VI) Trust your instincts: Pay attention to your intuition and trust your gut. If something feels off or does not feel right, in my view, it is okay to slow down and re-evaluate, kumhanya handi kusvika.
Keep hope alive
If you have chosen poorly in the past, do not lose heart. I totally empathise. Every experience, no matter how challenging, offers an opportunity for growth and learning. As the Bible reminds us in Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” With all sincerity I pray you embrace the hope that this verse offers — a powerful reminder that even in the midst of difficulty, there is always hope for redemption and growth.
Conclusion
As you navigate your path, be it in seeking a mate, or fortifying an existing relationship or marriage, remember that your partner can indeed be viewed as a reflection of you, the two of you become one after all, when you marry.
Think about what that oneness means. Think about how you show up in life everyday, wherever you are, whatever you do. What do you represent, what does everything about you say to those you interact with? Like it or not, right or wrong — people sometimes praise or blame the spouse when they see someone’s conduct, how they carry themselves, how they appear, even including how they dress!
By investing wisely in yourself and your relationships, you can attract someone who resonates with your values and vision.
So as always, I would love to hear your thoughts, views, and experiences on this topic. Whether you are in a relationship or still figuring out the dating world, your story matters.
Feedback: WhatsApp/SMS: 0719102572/Email: lainanaledimakuzha@ gmail.com
