adminhe heard a low cry from the rusty hinges of their bedroom door, he knew it was time for abuse.
“Timukirei apo. Kutitadzisa kutsvaira. Work up now, I want to make the bed,” his wife would shout as if oblivious to the fact that her husband worked night shift.
On worse days, he would have a bucket of cold water poured over his head. And his wife seemed to enjoy being on the offensive with her husband on the receiving end.
Even their children had joined in the abuse.
They now viewed their father as of little or no consequence resulting in them answering back while he spoke or acting in a fashion which best told him he was being a nuisance.
Such was Joseph’s life that no one took offence when he found new love and moved on with his life.
But the case of abusive wives is not confined to Joseph. There are scores of women worldwide who take their husbands for doormats.
Whatever they want done needs no consultation, but when the husband wishes to do something, he has to beg, beg though no one is prepared to incline an ear to what they will be saying.
Living with an abusive wife is akin to living on borrowed time because you have no say over what you eat.
Some men stay in bars until they close though they do not take beer all out of fear of being interrogated by the always suspicious wive. Mutambo wacho wakaipa.
Abusive wives are always complaining and all they can afford is a half-hearted “Thank You”.
It’s as if you have committed a crime if such women see you talking to another woman. Their first reaction is to make their presence felt, demand to know the stranger and shout at you worse than they do to dogs.
On certain instances, abusive women rush to beat you up without caring to know while you were talking to a woman. The stranger may also be lucky to escape without a beating.
Some abused men have lost confidence because of the abuse they go through day and night. They no longer buy anything in the absence of the wife.
If you buy good quality meat, an abusive wife wants to know whether the butcher is male or female. If the meat is bad, you are equally dressed down.
Even when they are given cash to buy themselves new clothes, they take long in the shop or end up buying something for the wife for fear of reprisals.
Men who are married to abusive women have long tales to tell. Their mothers are shouted at willy-nilly: “Your son is very useless. I am paying for everything here all by myself. Please, stop asking for money here because it is all mine,” some cheeky women tell their mothers-in-law.
Such women seem to rehearse these attacks because they carry them out flawlessly. You are lucky to spend a night at your brother’s house if he is under such a situation. Abusive women are quick to search your bags for muti while you are away for fear of having their territory invaded.
“Hama dzemurume dzikauya tinosecha. Vamwe vanouya nemushonga wekuzokanganisa magariro edu pamba,” I heard a certain lady say at a bar last weekend.
Abusive ladies have a knack of casting wide talking eyes on their husbands in public just to show they are in control. It can be worse if you are broke.
You are branded an animal of the worst sort and be assigned duties that leave no doubt that indeed you are under the missus’ control.
Everything you do is analysed in a way that presents you as a man of the lowest intelligence order and any mistake in the execution of an assignment is considered a sign of frailty.
“Uri murume rudzii? How can you fail to see that the water is going to waste while you are busy washing that car? Can’t you use a bucket,” some women will tell you straight in the face.
Abusive women are like little crosses men have to bear for as long as the marriage subsists.
Her sisters and disrespectful relatives might even join in the relentless attacks if you do not openly disapprove of their misdirected statements.
Being abusive is like a demon and in most cases such people brag about it.
“Tinombonzi ananiko isu? Hatijaidze varume. If a man really loves me, he has to do what I direct him to do,” your hear some women saying of their husbands right in the bar.
There are scores of women out there who are not even ashamed of hurling obscenities at their husbands’ workplaces because of being too drunk with power.
“Women need control. When they send money to their people it’s not a problem, but wait until the husband’s family needs assistance and you will then start seeing them in their rightful colours,” said a certain gentlemen last week. He said such women have an association at the Kopje in Harare where they teach each other new tricks and how worst to treat a husband.
Gentle reader, while some men have managed to leave such abuve wives, some have not been so lucky.
They have their car keys confiscated each time they want to leave home and spending time with other men is considered taboo.
Men who live with abusive women are denied conjugal rights. Meals are prepared only when it suits the wife. No workmate is allowed in doors while those who have been lucky to be allowed inside have left with sad stories to tell about their peers.
Abusive women can force a man to perform rituals he does not agree with or hire some people to beat you into submission.
The case is not confined to women.
There are also abusive men out there who make the marriage institution unbearable. These guys, Ghetto Blast heard, measure sugar that is to be used in their absence. They also give their wives the quantities of meat to cook before proceeding to count the pieces.
Some abusive husbands beat their wives in front of the children, in church and even at family gatherings.
The wife of an abusive man can never share a joke with a man and get away with it. Some abusive men, newspapers often report, take their girlfriends home and ask their wives to leave or relegate them to the floor. Any abusive husband demands to know why his wife laughs. Doing business with such a woman without her husband’s knowledge often leads to disaster.
Gentle reader, while a few people have managed to run away from abuse, others are struggling and hope only death will bring them solace.
Online Reporter