admincame out was the topical issue of gender equality and women empowerment.
We highlighted the importance of changing perceptions of both men and women on gender equality.
The focus of our discussion was what gender equality is and what it is not.
We observed that women empowerment without a common definition of gender equality will see the cause going round in circles. This saw us exploring issues of femininity and masculinity and how they impact on the achievement of gender equality.
We also talked about how women need to be capacitated through training to transform attitudes and build confidence so that they can seize opportunities that come their way. Some of the things that
came out in the discussion were the things that distract focus from real issues to marginal things.
By this I am alluding to recent developments in the social circles where women seem to have abandoned decency that preserves the sacredness of a woman. Unfortunately we tend to do these gymnastics in the presence of men who find excuses to dismiss and relegate us to the back.
Ladies we really need to be more serious and discuss real issues that affect us and push our cause. We really need to maintain our dignity and allow ourselves to be women. Femininity is about harnessing our God given qualities of emotional intelligence that give us an edge over men. Femininity is about “feeling with our eyes and seeing with our hearts.”
I always think of the biblical Esther who made positive use of her femininity in the right context and saved the whole Jewish nation. Abigail also in the Bible saved her husband by her quick thinking.
Femininity is not about irresponsible vulnerability and dependency. It is about being assertive and not aggressive.
In our conversation we wondered whether gender equality means being aggressive and throwing away the gentleness or femininity natural to women? Does gender equality mean throwing away our values and doing things in ways that degrade the women folk?
I was born in a family of five boys. As you might know boys in their teens are obsessed with their masculinity and therefore they go to the gym to work out and build muscle. My brothers were no different, weights, chest expanders and punch bags were the order of the day in our home. I also had a go at some of these.
One of my brothers loved karate and therefore he used to invite me to his training sessions. He would teach me how to throw a punch, do push-ups and sit-ups and I loved every bit of it.
My brother, eager to arm me with self-defence skills, requested a lady karateka in our locality to train me. I welcomed the development and went to ask my mother for permission to undergo the training.
My mother’s response was “Aah Egie ukaita zvirikuitwa nevakomana anozova musikana pano pamba ndiyani (who would be the girl in this home if you join the muscle mania)”. I understood her argument. I was supposed to be an embodiment of femininity in the home. Would that really have made me a lesser woman?
This is the same argument that was advanced by my father when he was trying to persuade me not to wear trousers anymore.
I recall that was in Grade Seven then and I was putting on my corduroy trousers. He sat me down and said you see my dear I think it is time you stop wearing trousers so you can be the girl in the home distinct from your brothers. I understood where he was coming from, a generation with different values and norms.
I think dear reader you have heard different definitions of gender equality. I know some people misconstrue the gender equality cause.
There are men who say to women who ask for help with something quite physical like lifting heavy loads, “ndimika makati munoda gender equality” (it’s you who want gender equality). Some men who are from the traditional school feel threatened by the term.
One day I overheard a conversation of two young men while buying some groceries in a supermarket in one of the up market suburbs. I was rather shocked by their thinking. One of the gentlemen outlined all the chores that the wife has to do for him. He proudly listed the things that he is not expected to do as the man of the house. Some of these included washing and ironing clothes, cooking and to the list you can add feeding the baby, changing nappies and many more. He said something like “anoda kuti ndimubikire ne kumugezera washeni ini” (she wants me cook and do laundry for her).
To this man doing household chores is doing the work that the wife is supposed to do. Imagine what transpires in that home when the wife is sick, goes away on a business trip or is not at home for some other reason.
You are greeted with an unmade bed, clothes on the floor and a sink full of dirty dishes if they dare to cook or maybe hungry faces.
The attitude displayed by this young man made me wonder whether doing chores that are considered feminine make a man a lesser man. What does it mean to be a man? Is there a need to redefine masculinity in today’s world now that women also have equally demanding jobs and have become breadwinners in their own right?
What is it that we still need to do to make the ordinary person understand that gender equality is about affording men and women equal opportunities so they reach their potential?
It means giving the girl and boy child equal access to education for example. This means the girl cannot do chores in the home while the boy is studying.
It means sharing the domestic burden so the woman can have time to run her enterprise or attend to other critical engagements away from home.
All this should be in the context of love and support.
Online Reporter