Am I a witch?

Mudzimba

Dr Rebecca Chisamba

Dear Amai, I hope you are well. I am a newly wedded wife, who is yet to have children.

I am aged 26 and my husband is 27. We are both degreed and gainfully employed.

We are yet to look for our own accommodation. We will look for it maybe in a year, when we can fully stand on our own feet. I married into a happy and religious family that has now been torn apart because of what is happening to me.

I have a problem of sleepwalking; I never told my husband about it. This usually happens when I dream of my paternal grandmother. The worst part is that when I do this, I am told of what would have transpired because I struggle to remember. I will be fast asleep. Speculation is rife. People are saying whatever comes to their minds. Some are saying it is a medical issue, and others are saying it is either witchcraft or spiritual.

I now feel very uneasy because people whom I thought were very close to me are now taking a step back.

My husband is trying to cope with the situation, but I can feel the difference in the way he looks at me. Amai, how can I be assisted? Is there anything like sleepwalking in our culture?

Response

I am very well and thanks for asking. I would also like to thank you for reaching out to me. Congratulations on getting married. I am glad you understand that briefly staying with parents after your wedding is just a stepping stone and an opportunity for you to gradually spread your wings.

It seems people have different theories about what is going on in your life. Culturally, sleepwalking is rarely spoken about and is often perceived differently.

I personally believe it is a medical condition, and doctors can assist best. Mainstream science attributes it to a number of factors, such as sleep deprivation, stress, anxiety, fever, sleep schedule disruptions or travel interruptions.

Associating this condition with a particular dream may be psychological and can continue to harm you. I suggest you try one route and see where it leads you.

If you believe it is spiritual, then seek counsel from your priest and have him pray about it.

You did mention you are part of a Christian family. Get your husband involved in all of this so he, too, understands what is going on.

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In-laws making difficult requests

Amai, how are you? I am a married woman aged 36, and my husband is 37. He is the last-born in their family. We are blessed with two kids — a boy and a girl — who are both in primary school.

My in-laws are retired teachers, who now reside at their rural home. As a family, we take turns to pay for their two helpers and their general upkeep. In total, they have 10 grandchildren.

They are now asking for our two kids to go and learn at the local rural home school because they are lonely yet they do not stay alone.

There are some other relatives who permanently stay there with them. We are both not buying into this idea, but we do not know how to put it across without sounding emotional. Please help.

Response

Dear writer, I am very well and thanks for asking. I do not think it is a good idea for the kids to go and learn at the rural school.

There is no legitimate reason to separate them from their parents. It is best for children to be brought up by their biological parents in almost all scenarios. Most schools in urban areas are better equipped than those in rural areas.

I suggest you reach a compromise, whereby the kids visit them during the holiday. They are still young and need a lot of handholding, which may be a handful for your elderly in-laws. Things like homework and school visits need to be done consistently. Talk to them candidly and let them know your stance before it is too late.

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Mother won’t tell me who my father is

I am a 17-year-old boy in high school. I am the only child. My mother did not marry my father. I use my mother’s surname and nobody has ever told me about my father. I asked my mother about him once, when I turned 14, and she took offence and told me never to ask about him again. I asked my grandparents, but they said they would tell me when I turn 21.

This is breaking my heart and it is grossly unfair. I do not know what to do.

Gogo’s sister, who came from her rural home, told me who my father was. She, however, told me not to tell anyone.

She said the man was a relative from my mother’s side of the family and is married; that is why the issue is not talked about. Amai, should I ask this man and find out the truth?

Response

Hello and thank you very much for your communication. I was really touched by what is going on in your life.

As much as I sympathise with you, I would like you to take it one step at a time.

If we are to go by what this relative told you, there could be more to this story than what meets the eye. Why don’t you let sleeping dogs lie for now?

Your grandparents promised to give you the full story when you turn 21; it may be for a good reason.

Confronting the guy who is said to be your father could be tricky. What happens if it is not the truth? I suggest you live your life and then cross the bridge when you get to it.

However, if you feel you cannot go on, it would be best to inform both your grandparents and mother. Just be emotionally prepared; you do not know what you will find down the rabbit hole.

I would be happy to hear from you again.

Feedback: beckychisamba@ gmail.com; 0771415474.