adminreached alarming proportions.
Every time one opens the paper; they will be met with a headline or two about a woman being killed, a little girl being raped or something similar. At times the men who commit these heinous crimes immediately kill themselves after they realise that they would have killed their partners.
Does it have to be this way? Just what has gone wrong with our relationships today that people can no longer communicate but must resort to violence? I pose this question because most of the violence is happening in relationships even though we also have seen documented cases or random rape and cases such as the one of the Indian medical student who died or even closer to home where little girls are waylaid on the streets and grandmothers are attacked in their homes by boys young enough to be their own grandsons.
Which takes me to this poem, entitled “I got Flowers today” by an unknown author, whose words seem to have been composed particularly for this time we are living in,
It goes as follows: “I got flowers today. It wasn’t my birthday or any other special day. We had our first argument last night and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know that he is sorry and didn’t mean to say the things he said – because he sent me flowers today.
“I got flowers today. It wasn’t our anniversary or any other special day. Last night he threw me into a wall and then started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare but you wake up from nightmares to find that they aren’t real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry – because he sent me flowers today.
“I got flowers today. And it wasn’t Valentine’s Day or any other special day. Last night he beat me and threatened to kill me. Make-up and long sleeves didn’t hide the cuts and bruises this time. I couldn’t go to work because I didn’t want anyone to know. But I know he is sorry – because he sent me flowers today.
“I got flowers today and it wasn’t Mother’s Day or any other special day. Last night he beat me again and it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave him what will I do? How will I take care of the kids? What about money? I’m afraid of him and too scared to leave him! But he must be sorry – because he sent me flowers today.
“I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral. Last night he finally killed me. I was beaten to death. If only I would have gathered enough courage and strength to leave him. So I got flowers today – for the very last time.’’
This poem has been circulated countless times from one woman to another, one network to another. Whether anyone has taken time to truly appreciate the meaning behind this value packed poem is another issue. For if someone had, surely women, especially those who meet violence in their relationships and in the arms of those that supposedly love them would move to protect themselves by leaving or reporting.
Today when the world is riveted on the case of famous South African paralympian Oscar Pistorius who is being charged with premeditated murder, with prosecutors arguing the athlete killed his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp on Valentine’s Day, surely the poem cannot be more apt. While Pistorious’ guilt is still to be determined by the courts what his case has done is to put under the spotlight the violence that women of this age are living with everyday of their lives and the challenges in relationships.
As the poem alludes to, there is usually a cycle pointing out one’s violent tendencies well before they actually snap. In the case of Pistorious, it is reported that he has had previous incidences of violence brought against him. It is the same with women who get beaten in their homes by their partners for years but never speak out about it. People only know when they are killed or something equally brutal happens.
Haven’t you heard of women who claim to have fallen in bathtubs when in actual fact they would have been beaten? Or those who stay 15, 20 or 30 years with men who beat them. To them it is acceptable. They accept it as their fate.I write today to pose some questions. When will the lies among couples end? When you get flowers on that mound of soil, when you have departed from the land of the living? When that abusive man who continually bashes you is sobbing in a court of law, seeking sympathy and attention like a baby? When your mother cries out why and seeks answers as to how her baby could be killed by someone who said he loved her?
As women, when will we stop pretending that all is well, when your very being is being destroyed? Beatings, rape, murder, abuse – the list is endless and we walk tall making it look like it is well.
While relationships are good and marriages are the very foundation of our being according to God’s word, surely it also needs to be about survival, well being and happiness? Once it is just about the name of being “Mrs.” surely then it would have outlived its purpose?
As a society how much longer will we look aside while couples next door to us hit each other, verbally abuse each other and do all sorts of harm to each other? How long shall we let our daughters stay in abusive relations just so they can be called “Mrs?” And women why stay in relationships that only bring pain and no joy whatsoever? Are we waiting for the last batch of flowers?
At which point as a society are we going to realise that nothing good can come out of a violent relationship? And for men who are violent, is there ever enough justification to hit someone, to rape someone or to kill them? Some say women have become too smart for their own good because of empowerment, some say women are cheating on their husbands.
Online Reporter