adminTHERE is often a manner in which you have responded to a situation in anger. Whether justified or not one has to deal with it in a way that will leave him/her still with a godly taste in the mouth and an ability to move forward in love. If you never get angry please do assist me with the tips how to, but because I know you are human we all get angry.
Everybody has to deal with anger from time to time. But what is the best way to handle it? We must first understand what anger really is to answer that question.
Anger is an emotion often characterised by feelings of great displeasure, indignation, hostility, wrath and vengeance. Many times, reacting in anger is how we express our dissatisfaction with life. The Greek language defines it as the strongest of all passions. Anger begins with a feeling that is often expressed in words or actions. We feel something and it causes a reaction.
All emotions are learnt from our social environment especially our families. Anger is the fruit of rotten roots. One of the primary roots of anger stems from the family. Angry people come from angry families because they learn from their role models and carry on the same behaviour in their own lives, eventually passing it on to their children.
Injustice is also another root of anger. When people mistreat us but there is nothing we can do about it, we get angry because we feel it is not fair. We cannot change the situation or the person who is treating us badly no matter how we like unless we have to do wrong ourselves. People cannot change people; only God can change people because he created them. So it is best to put our energy into praying for the offender.
Another root of anger is strife. This is hidden, repressed anger which begins with judgment, gossip, backbiting and thinking too highly of yourself. Strife is often exhibited in arguing, bickering, heated disagreements and angry undercurrents. There is no one who is always right except God.
Impatience often produces anger when we cannot get our way. When our progress is hindered or slowed down because of others, it is easy to become impatient. Most of us struggle with impatience on a daily basis simply because of today’s fast-paced world.
Abuse of any kind, be it sexual, physical, verbal, emotional or mental abuse always leads to anger. These are all injustices, which eventually leave the abused feeling helpless and angry. Abuse of any kind cannot be ignored. We must deal with it and process it before we can get free of it otherwise its toxicity will slowly but surely destroy the way we deal with others and ourselves. This is one of the roots of anger that shape us without us even realising it.
Those unmet needs in our lives tend to also produce anger. We all have needs that can and should be met by those closest to us; however, they do not know and understand our needs unless we communicate with them.
Even then they may sometimes fail to meet our needs. Therefore, the answer is to go to God with our needs and not to other people.
Anger caused by jealousy was the first negative emotion mentioned in the Bible. Genesis 4 tells us that Cain killed his brother Abel because he was jealous to the point of being angry and murderous. Although this is one of the more extreme results of jealousy, it reminds us of how dangerous jealousy can be.
Sometimes we use masks to cover up the things we do not want anybody to see. If we are harbouring anger, we think covering it keeps others from knowing the real us. So we hide behind a variety of masks in an attempt to trick people into thinking we are something or someone we are not. I have grown to know in my short life that people respect you more if you share your real self with them rather than trying to hide everything. After all, people can tell when something is not right. You may think you are hiding your anger, but it will eventually find a way to come out, okulempondo akufihlwa esakeni. One day it will show up either in your voice tone, body language or attitude.
Some people use the cold-shoulder mask. When someone makes them angry, they may say they have forgiven them, but they become cold, showing no warmth or emotion in dealing with that individual. These people live a lonely existence. Because they are so afraid of being hurt, they avoid close, meaningful relationships. This is a classic example of “choosing your pain.” They will choose the pain of living an isolated, lonely life instead of working through the proble and be determined to develop good friendships. Other people like to use the silent-treatment mask. They say they are not angry with you, yet they refuse to talk to you, or they only communicate when it is absolutely necessary, usually with a grunt or nod. When people avoid being with someone, touching, or doing things for the person they are angry with, they are hiding behind a mask, which is not the answer. Being a masquerade does not solve anything because the real you is still hidden under the mask. Only to resurface at the most uncanny time with a more toxic and viral nature than you can handle!
Identify the root of your toxic behaviour and you will see the possibilities of solutions increase for your relationships. Till next week, Shalom!
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