Online Reporter
Welcome to Bra Binzy, where broken hearts, secret crushes and confusing lovers come for a proper inspection. No judgement, just straight talk!
I FEEL LIKE I’M DATING A CUSTOMER
Dear Bra Binzy,
I have been with my boyfriend for three years. I love him and he says he loves me too.
The problem is that I do everything. I cook, I clean, I buy him small gifts, I encourage him when things are hard and I always make time for him.
Meanwhile, he forgets birthdays, anniversaries and sometimes even promises he made the day before.
When I complain, he says I am too demanding and that men are not naturally romantic.
Am I expecting too much?
— Tired of Trying
BRA BINZY RESPONDS
Sisi, let me start by correcting one thing.
Men are not naturally romantic?
Who told him that? The Ministry of Lazy Boyfriends?
The truth is simple. People make time for things that matter to them.
Nobody remembers every date and every detail. But if a person consistently forgets your needs while remembering football fixtures, betting odds and the release date of a new smartphone, then we have a problem.
Stop rewarding poor behaviour by doing everything.
Love should be a partnership, not a one-woman NGO.
Sit him down and explain exactly what you need. Not hints. Not signs. Not emotional smoke signals.
If he cares, he will make an effort.
If nothing changes, then stop asking whether he loves you and start asking whether this relationship is meeting your needs.
Because, my sister, a relationship is not a full-time job with no salary.
HER BEST FRIEND IS PLAYING THE LONG GAME
Dear Bra Binzy,
My girlfriend has a male best friend.
At first I did not mind because I also have female friends.
But this guy calls her every day. He sends her money, buys her lunch and somehow always knows what is happening in our relationship.
Recently I saw messages where he told her that if she ever left me, he would be ready to take my place.
She says I am overreacting because she never encouraged him.
Should I trust her or leave?
— Feeling Threatened
BRA BINZY RESPONDS
Eish mfowethu!
This one is hotter than a kettle forgotten on the stove.
Let’s be clear.
Having friends is normal.
Having a friend who is waiting on the substitutes’ bench hoping your relationship collapses is something else entirely.
This gentleman is not behaving like a neutral referee.
He is warming up on the touchline waiting to be called into the match.
The bigger question is this: what did your girlfriend do after receiving that message?
Did she shut him down clearly?
Did she establish boundaries?
Or did she leave the door slightly open while pretending it was closed?
Do not become a detective. Detectives get paid.
You will lose your peace if you spend your days checking phones, analysing blue ticks and interrogating emojis.
Have an honest conversation.
If she values the relationship, she will protect it.
If she values his attention more than your comfort, then you have important decisions to make.
Remember, trust is built through actions, not speeches.
I LEFT HIM BUT MY HEART MISSED THE MEMO
Dear Bra Binzy,
I broke up with my boyfriend six months ago because he was emotionally unavailable.
I felt lonely even when we were together.
Recently I saw him with another woman and suddenly I cannot stop thinking about him.
I am now dating somebody else, but I keep comparing him to my ex.
Did I make a mistake?
—Confused and Regretful
BRA BINZY RESPONDS
Sisi, welcome to one of umjolo’s oldest traps.
The trap of selective memory.
You are remembering the highlights and forgetting the full movie.
Your brain is replaying the romantic scenes while conveniently deleting the episodes where you cried yourself to sleep wondering whether the man cared.
Before you do anything dramatic, answer this question honestly:
If your ex came back tomorrow exactly the same as he was when you left him, would you take him back?
Not the improved version in your imagination.
The real version.
The one who barely communicated.
The one who made you feel alone.
If the answer is no, then you do not miss him.
You miss the familiarity.
You miss having someone.
You miss the memories.
And please, do not punish your current partner for crimes committed by your ex.
That poor soul is trying to write a new chapter while you keep rereading an old book.
Close the chapter properly before starting another one.
Because unfinished business has a nasty habit of returning when you least expect it.
Until next week, my people, remember this: if somebody keeps showing you who they are, stop asking for subtitles. The message is already clear!
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