Chronicle Editor
Nolwazi Mnikwa
THE moment you combine the words ”wedding” and ”family” you are guaranteed an explosion of fireworks; fireworks in both the beautiful and not so beautiful sense. You see, fireworks have a different effect on different people, for some a display of fireworks is one of the most beautiful things and yet for others it is one of the most terrifying things.
Likewise in planning for a wedding, families can either have the most positive contribution or the most terrible contribution which in some cases results in the cancellation of a wedding. Today we will look into how to avoid drama and conflict when preparing for a wedding.
As a couple planning on getting married, it is important to know what both of you want not only in life but on your wedding day too. Having a clear vision for the kind of wedding you want and being able to communicate it well to both your families is the first step to putting off family wedding drama. When you both know what you want, you will not allow either of your families to monopolise the wedding. It becomes your wedding celebration, designed by you, for you and that way you get to enjoy it. You won’t find yourselves fighting with your fiancé over issues like, ”you are not standing up for us”, ”your family just wants to control everything” or ”what about what we want?” Such issues will not even be a concern because with clarity of vision for your wedding, both of you will be able to stand for what you want.
I have often heard people saying the reason families monopolise weddings is because it is the families that fund the weddings. In other words it means some couples forfeit their desired wedding to have a wedding that is nowhere near their desire, simply because ”family” is paying for the wedding. My response to this is why plan for a wedding you cannot afford? I understand that a wedding is a celebration which involves the coming together of two families so the family ought to be involved in one way or another but it should not monopolise the wedding.
Another thing I understand is that a family should have the interests of their children at heart so rightfully the family should be able to contribute to their children’s desired wedding without controlling everything. If the family wants to change the wedding plans altogether simply because they are funding the wedding, then they can hold on to their finances and allow for the couple getting married to pull off their desired wedding with their own funds.
Imagine a scenario where a couple wants an evening wedding with between 50-80 guests and the family or in-laws on the other hand want an afternoon wedding with 200 guests and are not willing to meet the couple halfway because they are funding the wedding. This is in itself a recipe for disaster and the best thing is for the couple to fund their desired wedding. I am of the opinion that if someone is at a point where they think they are ready to marry, they should be able to fund their own wedding.
Having the capacity to fund one’s own wedding goes a long way in avoiding unnecessary family drama and conflict that is wedding planning related. I know what I am saying is coming across as controversial but it is an unsaid reality.
In the event that the couple cannot afford a big extravagant wedding for that moment, there is the option of a court wedding which does not cost much.
The couple can have their wedding in court, and then have their big celebration in their desired manner when they have gathered the funds to do so. Look, I am not saying people who have court weddings cannot afford big weddings, I am just saying court weddings are affordable and they are not costly.
You know some wealthy people (old money) are not flashy and actually opt for court weddings. Similarly some couples with a futuristic outlook would rather spend less on a wedding day and focus more funds on acquiring a home, property, a vehicle and general upkeep in their new life after the wedding day. So there are people who opt for a court wedding, not because they are broke or cannot afford it, but because it makes financial sense. I mean what is the point of having an extravagant wedding and ending up in debt, starting the marriage journey in debt is something I would not advise as the new life as a married couple has its own financial demands.
Now back to our topic of discussion, another way in which a couple can avoid wedding-related family drama is to set clear boundaries on who can do what or contribute in which manner to the wedding. This will help stop siblings, in-laws, cousins, aunts and uncles from overstepping their boundaries. It will help avoid conflict, drama, hate speech and it can also avoid the cancellation of weddings.
Most importantly the couple getting married should be able to speak with one voice. Doing so eliminates negative influence by family in both the wedding preparation stages and even in the actual marriage.
A wedding is a time of celebration and should be approached as such. The family conflict and drama that usually ensues as wedding preparations take place is not good and it is in some instances the cause of fractured relationships for the couple, the in-laws or between the two families in general.
The drama can be avoided by the couple speaking with one voice, having a clear vision for their wedding, clearly communicating that vision, setting clear boundaries to the involvement of family in wedding preparations as well as having funds to execute their wedding plans.
The drama can also be avoided by in-laws and family understanding that the wedding is not theirs but it is their children’s and as such their children’s desires should be prioritised. I am not saying the family should not advise the couple getting married, I am saying they should not monopolise and dictate how the wedding should be.
We would love to hear your thoughts, comments and feedback as well as relationship topics you would like to have covered. You may send these to [email protected] or to +263775978857. Keep safe and be blessed.
Online Reporter