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Arthur Marara-Point Blank
There are three sources of attacks to any marriage or relationship; internal (that is by the parties to the relationship), and external, (that is by other people) and at a spiritual level the devil.
I believe that marriage is spiritual, and that is why who you marry is very important.
If you marry a ‘Jonah’ you can end up losing everything that you had whilst ‘Jonah” will still proceed with his or her journey.
I will cover Jonah relationships in next week’s issue. Do not miss out.
I have done Part I – IV of this series, and my focus in these articles is to help people make better choices and contribute towards the success of their relationships and marriages.
Though I have a bias toward people who are not married/unmarried, I believe that even those who are married can glean one or two thoughts from this.
There are several attributes people look for in a future spouse, loving, caring, beautiful/hot, handsome, friend, etc.
But there is one attribute that I want to share with you which is critical to the success of any relationship/marriage, and is understanding.
Your person may be hotter than a four-plate stove, but if they lack understanding you will not go anywhere. The same applies with any other attributes that we look for in people.
Proverbs 19:14
These past few days, I was reading Proverbs 19:14, it really sent me into some deep thinking. I believe that the verse can provide a foundation upon which solid marriages can be built.
The New Living Translation (NLT) says, “Fathers can give their sons an inheritance of houses and wealth, but only the Lord can give an understanding wife.”
The NIV says, “Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.”
The MSG Bible says, “House and land are handed down from parents, but a congenial spouse comes straight from God.”
Many traditional versions use “wife” but I would like to believe that it should cover both spouses. I enjoy how Eugene Peterson put it across in the MSG.
Pass on an inheritance
Solomon confirms something important that a father or parent can give an inheritance of houses and wealth.
What this immediately means for every parent is strive to give your children an inheritance. Even when you are single, you should strive for this goal especially if you are looking forward to getting married.
You cannot pass on poverty to the next generation. If you are married you need to quickly ask yourself whether you are working in order to give your children an inheritance.
There is however a limit to what parents can give to their children. There is an explanation given by Solomon, and I will touch on this a bit.
An understanding spouse
Solomon says and correctly so that, only the Lord can give an understanding wife. The Bible says “understanding wife” but I would also like to believe that it is also the Lord who can give an “understanding husband”.
There is therefore an acknowledgment that you need, “an understanding spouse”.
May I also add that you also need to be an understanding spouse. The success of any marriage or relationship is also determined by having an understanding spouse.
You should therefore seek someone who does actually understand.
Three things to be understood:
There are at least three things that you need understanding from your spouse. This does not, however, mean you should abuse them.
If you are a spouse, you should really desire to be an understanding one as well.
I share some thoughts below on what needs to be understood;
Who you are?
If you are choosing a spouse, you need someone who understands who you are.
Someone who has an understanding of your purpose. For example, I am a public person though I never planned on being one.
The nature of work that I do inevitably causes me to travel a lot, meet people of all walks, including many women.
If my spouse doesn’t understand this, there is a problem because she will leave a life of insecurity. Once someone understands who you are many things will end up making sense.
If you are single, do not marry a person who doesn’t know who they are?
Use your dating/courtship to get to know each other. Discover yourself also so that you can make an effective choice when choosing a life partner. You should also understand who your partner is. This has to be reciprocal.
Where you are coming from?
Avoid living a lie and entering marriage through lies.
Unfortunately, this is what many people are doing now. There are certain marriages that are being sustained by lies. How long will you go on like this?
There are some people who are busy trying to edit their past. I know of people who would lie about where they went for their high school when I know very well that we were together at a Government school in Masvingo.
Be open about where you are coming from, and pray to God to give you a spouse who understands your past.
There are people right now who have children (not that its bad) but are busy hiding the fact from the people they are dating, and some even get into marriage while hiding this fact.
Come out in the open, and if someone is going to walk away because of that, then let it be. That may very well confirm a very important fact that they were not meant for you.
I come from a huge family, and my spouse should not be surprised about what she is heading into.
She has to make a decision whether she can live with it or not. Similarly, I also need to understand where my spouse is coming from, and what I am heading into.
There are people who lie a lot about their own family and try to sell an affluent image of what their life is like.
Does your future spouse understand that at some point in time, s/he may have to make some sacrifices so that some people who directly depend on you may finish school?
Does your future spouse understand that you are not a saint and that they may find some offensive stuff along the way? Are they willing to live with that?
Avoid negative surprises in your relationship?
Technology has made it easy to retrieve information.
The things you don’t want people to know are the very things that they do know, and the things you want them to know they don’t know.
Have you disclosed everything that you need to disclose? Does he/she understand?
Can I ask you something? Are you an understanding person? There are some people who want to be understood but they don’t want to understand others.
Many married people are fighting over this. “My spouse doesn’t understand” That is why Solomon emphasises the importance of an understanding spouse.
Where you are going?
There are some spouses who are actually intimidated by the potential in their spouses. Several women have been condemned to be housewives simply because the husband is insecure that the wife will be ‘taken away’ if they start working.
Truth be told, if someone is promiscuous, even if they don’t go to work, they can still do it.
Why even marry someone you cannot trust. Find someone who is comfortable with your future. Someone who is passionate about what you are passionate about.
Do not destroy your spouses’ dreams in order to deal with your own insecurities.
Do you know where your spouse wants to go? What are you doing to help them achieve their dreams? If not, why are you not helping them?
Pray for your (future) spouse
If you marry the right person you have a prayer partner, but if you marry the wrong person you have a prayer point.
Proverbs 19:14, says “only the Lord can give an understanding wife.”
My exhortation to you is pray for your future spouse and spouse (if you are married).
You see the problem today is that people rarely take time to actually pray for their future spouses and for God to lead them to their right partners. People choose their people, and then pray to God to endorse their choices.
The scary part of Solomon’s message is that it confirms one thing that a spouse who is not understanding is not from God.
Where such type of spouses come from, your guess is as good as mine.
What is also clear is that it’s not every marriage that has God in it. I believe that God can lead you in the right path to meet your future spouse.
The MSG is even interesting on the same verse, “House and land are handed down from parents, but a congenial spouse comes straight from God.”
The word congenial is interesting, it means, “agreeably suited to one’s nature, tastes, or outlook”. It also means “associated together harmoniously” (Merriam Webster Dictionary).
The word congenial has a bit of history, and I will share it to give context to the word.
According to ancient Roman and Greek mythology, each person at birth was assigned a guardian spirit. The Latin name for this attendant spirit was genius.
Two people who get along well together can be thought of as sharing a similar spirit; they might even be described by a word combining the Latin prefix com- (meaning “with, together”) and genius.
And, indeed, it was this com-genius combination that gave rise in the 17th century to the English word congenial.
And the Bible says, “but a congenial spouse comes straight from God.” I enjoy the emphasis on straight from God, meaning there are some who are not straight from God.
Every parent, pray for your children’s partners even before they reach marriage age. There are some people you actually wonder how they ended up getting married.
There is nothing as painful as your child always coming back to you because of their marital problems. If you marry wrong, never expect the result to be right.
Arthur Marara is a corporate law attorney, keynote speaker, corporate and personal branding speaker commanding the stage with his delightful humour, raw energy, and wealth of life experiences. He is a financial wellness expert and is passionate about addressing the issues of wellness, strategy and personal and professional development.
Arthur is the author of “Toys for Adults” a thought provoking book on entrepreneurship, and “No one is Coming” a book that seeks to equip leaders to take charge.
Feedback to [email protected] or Visit his website www.arthurmarara.com or contact him on +263780055152 for bookings.
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