Benefits of marriage counselling

Ann Ruthenburg Wedding Diary
HELLO there everyone, I hope you are all well. This week I will focus on something really important to me and that is marriage counselling.
It is sad that so many couples are not aware about how important it is to have marriage counselling before you get married.
In fact, I would say it is best to go for marriage counselling before you commit to marriage. I promise you, if more couples were prepared for marriage in advance, there would be less chances of divorce because the couple would have addressed three quarters of the issues before they face them.

So this week, I have decided to walk everyone through the benefits of marriage counselling.
If you are getting married in church, you probably have already begun or are going to start marriage counselling before the actual wedding date. Good for you to go into it with an open mind. For those of you who are not going through the whole religious event etc. it would be good for you to consider getting some form of marriage counselling. An accredited counsellor can help you build a solid foundation for your future together. They also help you get all those unnecessary fights out before the marriage. So here we go.

So the major benefit of marriage counselling is that it creates positive marriage resolutions. It is easy to get emotional when discussing heavy-duty topics like money, sex and kids. Having an experienced counsellor in the room when you do discuss these issues can help guide the conversation and prevent you and your partner from going off on a tangent which will result in both of you losing focus and not accomplishing anything.

Marriage counselling can help you learn to or improve conflict resolution skills. A counsellor will teach you how to listen and communicate more effectively. More specifically they will also tell you what to say (and not say) in order to reach a happy solution. If you have had some major tiffs or blowouts in the past (and who hasn’t?) then you both know how you tend to react during arguments, whether it is wielding the silent treatment and pouting or yelling and name-calling. Now imagine doing this when you are married. It is not like you can go silent on each other for days waiting for the other to say sorry. Sorry by then it is too late because you live together. If you are being honest with yourself, then there’s probably room for improvement.

Marriage counselling helps you have a realistic expectation about timing.
For example, if you come to an agreement that the kids topic is off the table for two years, then you won’t be left anxious or frustrated when you want to delve into that plan and your partner isn’t ready. This also applies to major purchases like buying a house.

It also helps you avoiding toxic resentments. Clear the air about resentments you’ve been hanging onto throughout your relationship, such as an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend . . . you get the picture.

A counsellor will help you resolve these issues and free yourselves from them so that they don’t cause massive damage later on in your marriage.

It also helps you dismantle fears about marriage.
One or both of you might come from a divorced family, or from a dysfunctional background where fighting and manipulation was the norm.
Premarital counselling can teach you how to make peace with your past and break the cycle.

My favourite reason for encouraging couples to go for premarital counselling is identifying the “seeds” of future marital stress. With an experienced outsider’s perspective, you can learn which behaviours and habits you need to adjust or quit cold turkey.

These are just a few reasons why every couple should go for counselling. So please, please go for marital counselling before you decide to get married. I really do not enjoy having to try and counsel a couple who have been in the marriage for a while. It’s so difficult for me especially when I know that the issue they are having problems with, could have been sorted out before they were married. Believe me people, everything seems a lot more harder when you are married, than when you are dating.

So here is my thinking – please if you have not had marriage counselling, it’s ever too late.
Even if you are married and having a few issues, go for counselling now before it gets difficult.

The author can be contacted on [email protected] or messaged on 0772 933 845.