Online Reporter
CHISPEN GUNDANI, a 24-year-old crime entrepreneur who was seemingly eager to cram a lifetime of wrongdoing into one night, recently got his just deserts at the Bindura Magistrates’ Court.
On August 22, around 1am, Gundani embarked on a bizarre four-hour, five-count, one-man crime spree that reads less like a criminal indictment and more like a deranged to-do list in Batanai compound.
His evening began with a break-in at a tuck shop, armed with a kitchen knife and a head torch. Upon finding only US$4 in cash, instead of cutting his losses like a sensible person, he decided to pivot. And by pivot, we mean he launched into a gruesome marathon of violence, theft and bad life choices that would leave even a soap opera villain exhausted.
Over the next four hours, Gundani committed multiple acts of rape, kidnapped the victim at knifepoint to go hunting for money at her employer’s house, helped himself to a cold one from the tuckshop fridge (because why let trauma disrupt your refreshment?), stole a Redmi Note 9 Pro (a phone whose resale value would not cover a decent meal) and threatened to kill the victim if she made a sound, all while presumably keeping his head torch nicely charged.
His total haul?
US$244 and a lifetime of regret.
But here is where our mampara’s genius truly shines: After the crime, he held onto the stolen phone. Then, during a separate public violence incident days later, he was arrested.
When asked about the phone, he could not explain how it came into his possession.
The victim then calmly unlocked it with her password, essentially handing the police a signed confession wrapped in a bow.
So, let this be a lesson to all aspiring criminals: If you are going to embark on a multi-count crime spree, maybe don’t wear a light on your head. And if you steal a phone, at least have the sense to change the password.
Or better still — consider a different life path altogether. Perhaps basket-weaving. Or meditation.
