Boyfriends, girlfriends and God

When I was in high school I was really a different kind of person. I was never the “girl-friend” chasing brother or anything like that. I probably had one or two interests which I never really pursued, even in my most unborn-again state. I was always critical of the reasons why I should get into a relationship at that age. “What would I do with the girl?” I would ask myself. “What would then happen after she had said yes?.” These and other questions would frighten whenever the chance to commit myself presented itself.
Now, that is not any typical teenager’s profile, I know. Personally I know that if God had left me to explore that path deeply, I would probably not have come back. Back then I saw a lot of people getting in and out of relationships. Dating here, dating there and getting hurt all the way; giving me even more reason to rather play around with people’s hearts without really committing.

The basis of my attitude was grounded in pride and ignorance and it changed radically when I got born again and began exploring the dynamics and the implications of Christian relationships. One man once said if you do not know the purpose of a thing you will misuse it, abuse it or not use it at all. In issues to do with dating, more so as Christians, if we do not understand why God created us with attraction for the opposite sex, we are very likely going to do either of these three things – misuse it, abuse it or not use it at all.
According to God, the basis of a relationship between a man and a woman is for them to get into the covenant called marriage in the long run (Genesis 2:23-24). Most of the relationships that many Christians pursue are simply for the fun of it and some do it because other people are doing it. There is also this general slackness which I have noticed within the body of Christ in telling young people especially, how they ought to pursue relationships in a Godly way.

The essence of anything that we do as Christians should be founded upon the Word of God, not upon American culture, or any other culture which we are constantly bombarded with in the media. In the movies and the soapies, we see people who pursue relationships in ways which are totally opposite to what the Word of God says.
Even on social networking sites, we have an option on our “relationship status” such as “open relationships”, “it’s complicated”, “co-habitating” et cetera and when these are things that we feed on a daily, we might be fooled to think that is the way it is supposed to be.

Now, there are a number of questions that I would want to first address. Firstly, when does a Christian decide to get into a relationship? Answer— when they are mature — spiritually, emotional, physically and financially.
Looking for Mr Right or Miss Right is nothing but just an issue of you being right yourself.

Many Christians have never heard from God until the time they have seen a potential girlfriend or boyfriend. Spiritual maturity means that you are growing in the Lord — you are clear about what your assignment is on earth. An understanding of this will also help you to look in the proper direction. You also need to be able to yield to the Spirit and the voice of God — God speaks dearly beloved, and we can never over-emphasise the importance of this ability to hear Him.
The Bible says in Isaiah 30:21 “And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, This is the way, walk in it, when you turn to the right hand and when you turn to the left.”

Many baby-Christians get hurt by falling into relationships they are not supposed to and hence they really need to grow to set their priorities right and pursue God first.
We all grew up in different set-ups and our emotional stability varies greatly. Even people from a similar background are not emotionally in tandem – that’s why siblings fight. Now, simply because the relationship is Christian does not mean that there won’t be some emotional surges. How you handle these will either destroy or strengthen the relationship. Honestly, if you cannot handle your emotions when you are dealing with your own parents, siblings or whoever is related to you, what makes you think that you will be able to handle them towards your partner? It’s not really that you will turn up perfect all of a sudden, but the effort over time will invariably make a difference.

One of the funniest realities that we have in our world right now is that we have 13 year olds, 15 year olds, 18 year olds getting involved in relationships. I find that particularly disturbing because, whether you notice it or not, it has a long term effect on the person’s ultimate marriage relationship. Imagine you have dated six girls before and then you get married to the seventh one; obviously, you will do a lot of comparison and you put the other person under pressure to meet the “standards” which your previous partners set.

Physical maturity is also very important because with time, people get to know what they want to do in life. At 18 years, you are probably not even sure where you want to study for a degree so why would you want to commit yourself to anyone before you are sure of your future, both geographically and career wise.
Whether you like it or not, relationships need money. Money for making calls, for expressing love through gifts and for going out on dates. I don’t care how much “love” is in the air, you will need to be financially mature to pursue relationships.

So, what do you think about what we have talked about here today? Let’s talk on Facebook. By God’s grace I would want us to further answer some questions next time. Have a great week!
If Christ be anything, let Him be everything.