Bullying a threat to kids

Kumbirayi Shoniwa
Bullying and harassment have long been burning topics among students in schools across Zimbabwe. From the apparently “innocent” teasing which occurs in infant schools up to the more physical “gededza” initiation rituals at senior secondary schools, the fact remains that intimidation of school children may affect the victims for years after the occurrence has happened.

But, like everything else, bullying seems to have been evolved and taken on a new and uglier modern face as elite schools seem to have become excellent centres of extreme but subtle bullying.

Camilla — not her real name (16), says that she had to move from a private elite school in Harare when she became a victim of bullying.  Bullying is defined as the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate or impose domination over others.

In Camilla’s case her tormentors were more subtle. They just ostracised her and made sure that she was completely ostracised from all school and social activities that were not directly under the control of a teacher.

“No one would talk to me. If we were on the hockey field no one would pass the ball to me for the duration of the game. I would find out that everyone else was going to a classmate’s party and I was the only not invited. No one ever said anything nasty to me, so I could not report anything. But I was miserable and I ended asking my parents to move me to another school,” Camilla says.

She decided not to share what had happened but she said she had clashed with a girl who was very dominant in class and everyone else just took sides against her.

A parent with a child at another elitist school in the city said that he had to go and talk to the head about his son when he realised that things were getting out of hand.

“When my son started form one at the school he just seemed to lose all interest in life. I could not understand what was going on. Then he told me about older boys generally harassing all the new boys in the name of school tradition.

“At first I told him to take it since he was not the only one facing that. But then my wife reminded me of the child who committed suicide because of bullying and I approached the head. Now I always ask my son if everything is okay to make sure that the bullying has not started again.

“While the idea of making younger kids fetch and carry for older ones may be useful in teaching all kids to be humble, there is a limit. Once you have verbal abuse, too much hard work and beatings, it becomes sheer bullying and should not be tolerated,” the parent explained..

Justifications and rationalizations for such behaviour sometimes include differences of class, race, religion, gender, sexuality, appearance, behaviour, strength, size or ability.

Bullying ranges from simple one-on-one bullying to more complex bullying in which the bully may have one or more ‘lieutenants’ who may seem to be willing to assist the primary bully in his or her bullying activities.

A teacher at one of the affected schools who could not give his name as official protocol prohibits teachers from speaking to the media said that harassment has become more subtle as pupils desist from the more obvious physical bullying for fear of punishment from authorities.

“These methods include attempting to socially isolate the target including spreading gossip, refusing to socialize with the victim, bullying other people who wish to socialise with the victim and criticizing their manner of dress, religion, disability, race etc.

“Males tend to be more likely to be physically aggressive whereas females tend to favour exclusion and mockery, though it has been noticed that females are becoming more physical in their bullying,’’ he added.

The proliferation of social networks and access which teens have to more internet-connected devices has led to a new phenomenon called Cyber-bullying among school children.

Examples of cyber-bullying include mean text messages or emails, rumours sent by email or posted on social networking sites and embarrassing pictures, videos or fake websites.

It is the collective responsibility of teachers, parents and the community at large to nip the scourge of bullying in the bud before it turns into a national problem in our midst.

To protect your child from bullying, experts advise that you always listen to your child. Do not dismiss their feelings by saying statements like, “Do not be weak, Fight Back, You are a fool, It will pass’. There is a real problem that needs to be fixed.

Talk to your child and try to isolate the actual culprit, or ringleader if there is a group. Never try to take matters into your own hands by approaching the culprits or their parents. Talk to the school authorities and present your case logically and without becoming abusive yourself. But be firm and make it clear that you will not accept a continuation of the situation.

It may be necessary to give your child a pep talk on how the bullying is not their fault, to rebuild their self-confidence. Remember that not all scars are physical and sometimes it is the emotional trauma that will last way beyond school and damage your child for life.