malvernmugadzikwa
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
I am indebted to you for the excellent work you do in this column. I am employed as a security guard and I start work at 6am every day. I am aged 25 and my wife is 20. She runs a small vegetable market (musika). We are blessed with a one-year-old son. My wife used to team up with the next-door gardener’s spouse to go and order produce around 4am.
A few days ago, the woman from next door went to her rural home to see her mother who was not feeling well. Her husband is the one now accompanying my wife to order produce for their market, as well as ours. Amai, this arrangement is not working for me. However, I cannot stop my wife because, in a good month, she makes more than me. What should I do?
Response
Hello writer, let me express my profound gratitude for your continued support of this column. I commend you and your wife for working hard to make ends meet. I also want to remind you that a key tenet of marriage is trust. Do you trust your wife?
You are aware that stopping her would disadvantage your family in terms of income.
Has she said or done anything suspicious before? This is a temporary arrangement; do not read too much into it. Soon, the woman from next door will be back. Please be at peace with yourself. I wish you all the best.
*****
Family visit gone wrong
Dear Amai, I hope you are well. I am a 27-year-old mother of two kids aged five and seven. My husband is aged 29 and is the last-born in his family. We reside at their rural home with my in-laws, even though we have our own place, and are gainfully employed. I am a nurse and he is a teacher.
Three weeks ago, my husband’s sister and her family came over to see the parents and check on us as well. My daughter asked if she could go with them to Harare to play with their children.
I said no because they did not respond, and it was awkward. My husband did not see anything wrong with that and pushed them to go with her.
To cut a long story short, my sister-in-law’s househelp sent a message, asking me to come and pick up the child because she was being ill-treated. We drove to Harare the following day.
When we arrived, our daughter was with the househelp and the whole family had gone out. I called my sister-in-law to ask if we could take our child with us. To my surprise, she just said okay and hung up. There was a bad exchange of words between my husband and I on our way back. There is a lot of tension. How do I break the ice?
Response
I am well and thank you very much for reaching out to me. I am sorry this ended up affecting you and your spouse. In my view, you failed to put your foot down.
In all fairness, a five-year-old child cannot overrule you. It is of no consequence that she cried and asked to go with the visitors.
This was unexpected. You imposed her on the visitors; that is why they did not respond when she asked to go with them.
Your sister-in-law was wrong if she mistreated the child; we do not know whether it is true or not. I do not understand why the househelp ended up communicating with you secretly.
The way your sister-in-law responded to your request was rather weird and impolite. I suggest you have a candid talk with your husband and clear the air. I wish you all the best.
*****
Landlady is a menace
Dear Amai, I am aged 25 and single. I work for a local bank. I am a lodger in the ghetto and the landlady is quite a handful. She has spare keys to all our doors; in all, there are three of us, tenants.
We often find some things missing from our fridges, but she does not take responsibility. We suspect she is the culprit. One fellow tenant confronted her when she found out that her chicken had gone missing.
This did not go down well with the landlady and she has since been asked to leave in the next fortnight. Staying here is like walking on eggshells. I do not know what to do, Amai; good accommodation is hard to come by.
Response
Greetings writer, I am very well. Thank you for asking. You are right, accommodation is difficult to come by, but you need a home where you can feel relaxed and secure. From what is going on at your place, I assume you do not have a lease in place.
It is important to discuss terms in writing before moving in. In the absence of this document, you are likely to be taken advantage of. It is your right to ask her to draft a lease.
As a stopgap measure, depending on the model, lock your fridge. If someone breaks into it, you will have a solid case. To stop feeling miserable, I suggest you look for alternate accommodation. It is difficult but not impossible. I would be happy to hear from you again.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
Online Reporter