‘Change the way you look at things and things you look at change’

Change the way you look at things and things you look at change — Wayne Dyer. The world would be a beautiful perfect place if we all could behave in a certain way, love more deeply and care more about others. Imagine if that rude neighbour of yours stopped gossiping about you, ignoring you or messing your yard, if that colleague was a little kinder and if you got along with everyone else. We would love that, wouldn’t we? Simply put, we all would want to change the world for the better. But where do we begin?

It begins with you
How do you see yourself? What do you see when you look in the mirror? Are you happy with your looks, character and behaviour? We all have our strengths, some of us were gifted in looks and we make it a point that we flaunt those “good” parts of us just as we make it a point to show off the skills we are good at every chance we get. We do, however, also have our weaknesses and each one of us knows our weaknesses and we make sure to hide those flaws or at least make sure they are not displayed in public.

Self-image
Both your strengths and weaknesses make up what you are and it is up to you to choose what really defines you. If you wallow in self-pity and fill your head with the concern about how your weaknesses look to others, you are actively magnifying the weaknesses and they will knock down your self-confidence and that will have a direct impact on how others view you.

Your self-image is a window through which others see you, they take the cue from you to know how to treat you. So if people are belittling you, you might want to check on your self-image and behaviour and see how you may be contributing to that. If you choose to focus on your strengths that is what people will see and the effects of that is a boost to your confidence and that can only add positive vibes to your life.

Have you ever wondered why some people look like they have no flaws? It’s because they concentrate more on their weaknesses than strengths. So if you are trying to improve yourself and you are not winning, look within yourself and see what you have been focusing on the most. Be kind to yourself. Surely you cannot be kind to your neighbour, pal or colleague if you cannot be kind to yourself.

Relationships with others
How you see yourself has a direct bearing on how you will relate with others. A person who has a positive self-image always inspires others and is pleasant to relate with while one who has issues with themselves will have trouble having good relationships with others. At times people who are quarrelsome are simply not content with themselves and they think that everyone is out to get them.

If one is at peace with self it is easy to cultivate good relations with people they rub shoulders with. Make it a habit to appreciate yourself each day, love who you are and tell yourself that you are important, just as you are. When your self-confidence soars, challenges you come across do not intimidate you as much and you will be more objective and open-minded to tackle them.

In love relations, people often point the finger at the other person when things are not going well. I’ve found that the way our partners behave may have a lot to do with how we behave as a result of our own self-image. If you are always worried that your partner will meet someone who is better than you, you will, no doubt, display clingy behaviour that will eventually push the person away because no one wants to be with a person who doesn’t trust themselves. That jealousy and possessiveness may seem as if they don’t trust the partner but in reality, that person just does not trust themselves.

Appreciate self and others
One way of improving relations with others is to accept them as they are because you really cannot change anyone. Your best bet is to show them your good side, that side that you are in love with and watch how they respond to that, Yes, we all react nastily to things said or done, but if we were to pause and think before reacting we would realise that it’s not really that hard to change the course of things. Be nice to someone who is angry and watch their anger fade.

When things seem to be going south in a relationship, think of the positive attributes that the other person has and appreciate the part they play in your life more than you criticise them and see if that won’t help. Remember, you cannot change the person but you can change the way you think, which in turn will change the way you behave and react towards them. You will not have time to worry about that gossiping neighbour or them messing your yard if you are thinking of their good side. Everyone has a good side, it takes the good part of you to see that, so it all begins with you.

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