Chat with Sis Noe: My organ makes noise during sex

Hi Sis Noe
I have a shameful problem; my vagina makes farting noises during sex. It happens all the time.

Reply
You should not be afraid or ashamed to talk to your gynaecologist about your problem. According to sex therapist Dr Ruth Westheimer, “Sometimes when a woman is exercising, or during intercourse, air can be forced into the vagina, and when the woman changes positions, it goes back out, producing a sound as if she were passing gas. This is a common occurrence and should not be a cause of embarrassment.” Some men laugh when their women’s vaginas make funny sounds, but the women express disgust. So see your gynaecologist. He/she would perhaps discuss with you the strengthening of your pubococcygeus muscles. But generally it is not a problem — many women experience it.

Hi Sis Noe
My problem is that I can never seem to relax during sex to reach an orgasm. The only way I ever reach one is by oral sex.

Why are you never relaxed? You need to find out the reasons why you cannot relax. Maybe you just hate penetration? I have no idea. Visiting a counsellor could be of great help.

Hi Sis Noe
I found out that the man I am in love with is a distant cousin. I have even had sex with him countless times. I am confused and I don’t know what to do. We love each other.

Reply
Medical practitioners will tell you that because of bad genes, it is not wise for persons of near kin to be sexually involved and to have children as that will most likely result in children born with disabilities. However, whether or not you want to continue this relationship is up to you. If you are comfortable with it, I am not prepared to condemn you. However, I would suggest that you have a chat with your relatives.

Hi Sis Noe
My husband is a womaniser but I can’t leave him. He has even cheated with a church sister of mine. The good thing about him is that he knows he has a problem and he confessed to me. What should I do?

Reply
Your husband needs all the support he can get from you. You know that he has a weakness for women and he does not hide it from you. He has told you the truth. Your church sister who got involved with him is a worthless woman. She knew that he is your man and that you are married. She should not have gotten involved with him. I consider you a very smart woman. I beg you, therefore, to protect yourself — when you are having sex with your husband, use a condom. He will not protest, because he knows that he has been playing around. Regardless of how wild a man is, he will slow down. He is not going to remain like that throughout his life. You are a Christian woman; continue to pray for your husband and take him to church with you.

Hi Sis Noe
I AM 26 years old and have been with the same girl for three years. It used to be a long-distance relationship, but now we live together. It has been stressful as we are both working and studying. So we very rarely have sex. — Starving.

Reply
At a young age, you are experiencing the types of problems more commonly faced by older people in long-term relationships. You have learnt early on that the challenges of daily life can have a sobering effect on sex and romance. But cohabitation is an adult step in which partners can learn what it is like to be together and how well they manage the necessary give and take. Stress can have a profound effect on sexual desire and arousal, and requires prevention and management. This is probably your greatest joint challenge. But it sounds as if you are disappointed that things between you are not idyllic, or at least occasionally pleasurable and exciting. You do not have to have these feelings of malaise and disappointment for ever, but it is important to explore and address them with energy and empathy, and without blame. Sit down with your partner and tell her all the positive feelings you have for her. Then ask: “What about you? What’s working for you, and what is not?” Creating a safe atmosphere to openly and non-defensively discuss sexual and relationship issues is essential in terms of longevity as a couple.

Hi Sis Noe
Ever since I discovered that my wife was cheating on me I am struggling to find her sexually attractive. I have no desire to have sex with her. — Help.

The discovery of your wife’s cheating has destroyed not only your positive sense of coupledom with her, but also your somewhat idealised notion of her. I do not suggest that this will be an easy process, and you are already experiencing the longing and pain that accompanies such drastic and sudden shifts in a person’s conceptualisation of his love. But that pain usually leads to growth and important discoveries. True intimacy involves seeing your partner for who she truly is, so perhaps a less idealistic view of her will improve things between you. Allow yourself to be vulnerable in her presence, and try to express your true feelings, no matter how difficult it is. It is also important to recognise your role in helping to create a fragile union in the first place. Be kind to both of you, do the work and learn.

Hi Sis Noe
I don’t want to have sex with my husband but he rapes me almost every night. But he does not see anything wrong with what he does to me. — Help.

I regret hearing that you are suffering psychologically, physically and emotionally. The man with whom you are living is very abusive. If indeed he has sex with you without your consent, then that is sexual abuse — RAPE. He claims that he is not doing anything wrong, but he needs to understand that he should not do anything that you do not love or consent to. If the marriage has broken down then what you need to do is to leave him as soon as possible. Report him to the police if he is threatening to harm you if you leave him.

Hi Sis Noe
My wife does not trust me. Her sister is having financial issues and is asking to stay with us until she recovers but my wife does not want because she thinks I will sleep with her sister because she is very friendly to me. I don’t know, maybe it’s because I took her from another guy and she thinks I am still that kind of man. — Help.

Your wife knows that you are a charmer. When you met her she had a boyfriend and you snatched her away from him and convinced her to cheat on her boyfriend. She feels that if you were able to cause her to cheat you would do the same to her sister, so she does not trust you, period. And that is very unfortunate because her sister is being denied a place to stay. Your wife believes what you have in your pants is going to put you in trouble and her sister is already flirty. It is not only you that she does not trust. It is also her sister. Seriously speaking, I think your wife is being ridiculous. You would be crazy to have a sexual relationship with her. That just doesn’t make sense. I could be wrong but I do believe that there is more to it than what she is saying.