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Hi Sis Noe
I AM a 22-year-old university student and I was born HIV positive. Only married men ask me out. Guys my age dump me as soon as I tell them my status. Is it wrong to tell them? — Anonymous.
Reply
No, it’s not wrong. But it’s not up to you to decide whether they should take the risk or not. Remember how scathingly angry and foaming at the mouth you were at your parents when you found out that you were positive? Is that what you wish upon the people that trust you? I don’t think so. Don’t think for a second you will magically fix the issue simply by avoiding it. If he doesn’t know there is anything wrong, how do you expect him to be cautious when sleeping with you? Are you going to manage the situation yourself?
The moment you hit the sheets, you won’t have anything resembling self-control. This is not a commentary directed to you specifically, it’s just a fact that people tend to lose control in the heat of the moment. It really is a selfless courage to tell them about your status. It shows that you love and respect them. Love and trust don’t flourish when deception looms. Just remember the guy you sleep with could be a carrier too, and perhaps he won’t tell you about his status. You are right in telling them about your status. Very soon you will meet someone who will love you the way you are.
Hi Sis Noe
I am 18 and pregnant but I am now worried because I still am menstruating so I wanted to know if it is normal to be pregnant and still go on your periods? — Worried.
Reply
Pregnancy and periods can never go along simultaneously — if you are indeed pregnant. Technically, you cannot get your periods. Missing your period is actually the first sign of pregnancy. Bleeding in early pregnancy is a common occurrence, but this does not signal a true menstrual cycle. You must realise that the hormones that are active during pregnancy totally prevent ovulation. As we know, ovulation is the time in your cycle when the egg is released into the uterus and women experience menstrual bleeding. Since the egg in pregnant women is already fertilised, ovulation does not occur and hence no bleeding.
However, it is not uncommon to find that many women do report getting what seem like regular periods during early pregnancy. The bleeding that pregnant women complain about though is not truly a menstrual period. It can be called early pregnancy bleeding. If you ever used contraceptives such as the Pill then you must know that studies have shown that women who get pregnant while on the Pill might also have intermittent bleeding. Menstruating during pregnancy is a myth; most women confuse any vaginal bleeding as their period because that is what they are used to happening. You did not experience a period; you experienced vaginal bleeding. This is a common occurrence and a wide misconception. You must know that bleeding early in pregnancy, as in the first trimester, is scary, but it usually does not signal a problem. It is also rather common among women. There are a few common causes of first-trimester bleeding, none of which is an indication of trouble. So stop worrying.
Hi Sis Noe
My neighbour is always sending flirty messages to my live-in girlfriend. She also seems to like him a lot. When I come back from work most of the times I find him in my house watching movies with the woman I want to marry. Should I be worried? — Confused.
Reply
Unfortunately the answer is yes, it is something to worry about. If your girlfriend is spending all that time talking to and flirting with him it shows that they are becoming more than just good neighbours. It is also unfair on you and is understandably making you question your relationship. It is perhaps an “emotional affair” at the moment and possibly well on the way to becoming a full-blown one. You need to tell her how you feel and that if she continues like this it will have a detrimental effect on your relationship. If she doesn’t listen to you or change her behaviour then it doesn’t sound as if she is committed to making your relationship work and you might need to think about whether she is the right woman for you.
Hi Sis Noe
My problem is that I don’t climax during sex. I have had five sexual relationships but I have never had an orgasm. It’s only when I am sexting that I climax or when I watch porn and masturbate. I don’t know, is it me or my boyfriends were not good in bed? — Help.
Reply
Many women are not orgasmic on penetration alone but I think your problem is rather more complex. On a positive note, as you can climax on your own then when you are in the right relationship it should also be possible. You say you have had five sexual relationships. It sounds as if you are separating sex from love. What you need is a loving relationship with a man who you also find sexually attractive. If there was love and genuine trust between you, then you could really relax and enjoy making love.You could try lovemaking positions where, as well as penetration, he is able to caress the clitoris and also where you are relaxed enough to show him how you are able to be orgasmic.
Hi Sis Noe
My boyfriend has a temper but blames me for making him angry. He says I mistreat him because I am beautiful but I don’t. He always accuses me of cheating and he has banned my friends from hanging out with me. He also wants me to change the way I dress because he says someone will take me away from him if I am sexy. — Help.
Reply
You have got to get yourself away from this damaged man because you are never going to win in such a toxic relationship. It’s very common for control freaks to blame their victims for their appalling behaviour. The “I blame you” argument is as old as time and totally meaningless. If you feel you have been emotionally or even physically abused, you need to report this man to the police — for your own sake and the sake of any future partners of his. Don’t let him take advantage of you. Dump him and move on.
Hi Sis Noe
I stole my friend’s boyfriend in 2013, but our relationship didn’t last long. I am feeling guilty for what I did. How can I say sorry? Is it late to say sorry? — Worried
Reply
It is never too late to say sorry but in this case it could be best to let sleeping dogs lie. Finding your ex-friend to apologise could make you feel better, but would such a gesture make her feel better too? Is there no danger that you will open up old wounds and cause her more pain? We all do selfish things when we are young and you took her boyfriend because you were unhappy and unsatisfied with your love life. Forgive yourself and be grateful for everything you have now.
Hi Sis Noe
Is it possible for a woman to fall pregnant when she sleeps with guy for the first time? — Curious.
Reply
Yes, a girl can become pregnant the first time she has sex. Anytime a girl has vaginal sex with a guy, she is at risk for becoming pregnant. Even if a guy ejaculates outside of but near a girl’s vagina or pulls out before he comes, a girl can get pregnant. Any time a man and a woman have intercourse, pregnancy is possible (of course, the chance of pregnancy is greatly reduced if you are using an effective method of birth control).
All that needs to happen is for a sperm to get to an egg. Even if a young woman has never menstruated, she might have just ovulated (released an egg) for the first time. This would make her fertile and pregnancy possible. It’s also possible to get a sexually transmitted disease (STD) anytime you have sex, including the first time. Actually, whenever people have any kind of sexual contact (oral, anal, or vaginal) they run the risk of getting an STD. That is why condoms were invented, to prevent the transmission of such diseases and pregnancy of course.
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