Chat with Sis Noe: Worried condoms might be too big for me!

Hi Sis Noe
I AM worried that my penis is too small to wear a condom. I am 25 and not yet sexually active. — Help.

Reply
Have you tried putting on a condom? I am convinced you have not tried so why are you worried? If the regular condoms at the shops and clinics are not your size then look hard enough, there is a size out there for you. Condoms are available in a wide variety of lengths and widths. Since manufacturers of condoms don’t have standardised sizing, it can be difficult to find the right size. The best thing to do is try a bunch of different sizes until you find the condom that fits you best. A firm yet comfortable fit decreases the chances of a condom slipping off during the heat of the moment. You may want to try them out while your penis is erect before you have sex, this could help you find the safest and most comfortable option. Go to pharmacies, I am sure they have all sizes of condoms. If they don’t have them in stock they will order them for you.

Hi Sis Noe
I was a virgin and I recently had sex with my boyfriend and he acted like someone who is experienced. He told me that he was a virgin before he slept with me. How do I tell that a man is a virgin? — Worried.

Reply
Male virginity cannot be detected. In uncircumcised males, the frenulum (the loose piece of skin just below the tip on the underside of the penis) is sometimes tight. When this is the case, erections, masturbation, and sexual activities of all kinds may be painful or cause bleeding because the frenulum can tear. However, this is not an indication of virginity. It is also worth noting that the idea that female virginity is always detectable is a myth. The hymen can break during all sorts of non-sexual activities. You will have to believe what he told you.

Hi Sis Noe
I have recently started having sex and each time I do it will be painful. I don’t know what is wrong with me. My friends seem to be enjoying sex but I am not. — Help.

Reply
Painful love-making can be the result of several physical situations. You mentioned being a relatively newcomer to sex. The first few times you have intercourse, an un-stretched hymen may cause pain. This may be the case especially if your boyfriend has a huge penis. Additionally, the pain could be caused by too much sudden stretching of your vaginal walls. Sexual activity causes the vaginal walls to stretch, strengthen, and adapt over time to sexual activity.

It may be that your body would prefer to gradually work up to the size of your boyfriend’s penis. It may also be possible that you have a vaginal infection which flares up due to friction when you have sex. This infection could be bacterial or of the yeast variety. And one more consideration may be your sexual positions. Some positions may cause more pain than others. If you use primarily one or two positions, try changing it up and see if that helps reduce pain. If the pain is deep within the pelvis, it may be a sign of a more serious problem. If this continues, it may be worth a visit to a doctor, who will be able to rule out anything serious problem. The doctor may have some additional suggestions on how to make your lovemaking more pleasurable and less sore.

Hi Sis Noe
After I have one round of sex I take time to get an erection. I take about 30 minutes to get hard again and this frustrates me and my girlfriend. — Worried.

Reply
That period before you get another erection is called the refractory period. During the refractory period, which follows orgasm and ejaculation, men cannot be stimulated to orgasm and ejaculation. Women do not have a refractory period, and may be stimulated to another orgasm immediately after having had one. There is no standard waiting time for a second erection, so there is not much point in comparing. For some men, it’s mere minutes before they can get another erection; for others, it takes more minutes, hours, or even a good night’s sleep. The length of the refractory period usually increases with age and differs from individual to individual and occasion to occasion. For young men, the refractory period is usually shorter or seemingly non-existent; for older men, it is longer.

Also, some guys get soft during the refractory period, while others maintain erections. Whatever you do, don’t compare yourself to men in erotic movies who appear to be ready for round two of intercourse seconds after orgasm. That is just not realistic for most men. Also, you may want to share this information with your girlfriend to avoid any requests that you perform in manners that are unrealistic. Remember, there are many other things that you can do sexually without having an erect penis. Touching, kissing, or focusing on your partner may surprise you with interesting results. Get creative!

Hi Sis Noe
I slept at my boyfriend’s house and we had sex five times and each time he ejaculated in me. I want to know whether I should use just one morning after pill or five. — Worried.

Reply
You do not need to take more than one course of emergency contraceptive following those acts of intercourse. The pill is most effective if taken within 72 hours, but may remain effective up to 120 hours that is five days after sex. I hope you are aware that the morning after pill does not protect against sexually transmitted infections. Using condoms can help reduce the risk of STI transmission.

Hi Sis Noe
I always get dry when I am having sex and I end up using Vaseline as lubrication. I want to know whether it is safe. — Worried.

Reply
No it is not safe. Vaseline and other petroleum jellies are for external use only. Vaseline is intended for very dry skin and the lips on your face, not your insides. In fact, when mixed with water, petroleum-based care products get a little looser, but they also hang around, allowing bacteria, body fluids and lint, take resident in the vagina and on the penis. This can lead to infections in and around these areas. Using petroleum jelly and oil-based products as lubricants on latex condoms is not recommended as they make the condom less effective in protecting against pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. For good lubricants that are also recommended by doctors go to pharmacies.